(no subject)
I don't understand nostalgia. It seems like a lot of people are wrapped up in this fantasy of making everything a movie drama. I blame all these catchy commercial phrases like "live life like you'll die tomorrow" and "laugh, love, live" or some combination of three connecting words. It just seems all so fake to me. It's like people try to project who they wish they were in their lives and thus dying with a false sense of security that it wasn't all worth nothing. I can't really call it shallow, because lord knows the projections I make on myself, but really it seems so unfulfilling. In the sense that it's a void that just keeps getting larger. If all mediocre is portrayed as incredible, where is the value actually being placed on the incredible? It's like the arguement in the art world that if everything is art... then there really is no art. If everything is incredible, then there is no incredible.
Why is it so engraved in the human psyche that we are important? Can't we just be apart of an equal cycle in the existing universe? If I die tomorrow and return to whatever existance I came from before, shouldn't that be okay? Some may call it pessimistic or overly realistic, but I don't think it's that way at all. It's almost a relieving of pressure I guess. Being at peace with my mistakes and my accomplishments simultaneously seems much more rewarding for my mental health, doesn't build up unaccomplishable circumstances for me to mold myself after and eventually dislike myself for it not living it up.
I guess relationships is a good example of this. People believe that love just happens, and there is no work involved. Many believe in an eternal love that is just forever binding, because it just is. Again, I blame the media and the movies. They only need to make you fall in love for an hour, not a lifetime.
Well. I really don't know. If it will make you truly happy, why not. But then again... many people (especially me) take courses of action based on what is perceived as whats going to make them happy, but in the end it's really just fulfilling some void in the psyche.
Philosophy and psychology have really destroyed my hope of ever believing in something spiritual. lol. It's hard for me to blindly do or feel anything. This is why I don't like "faith" or "trust"... I just see them as blinded ideas.
I like not having a belief system, I feel it helps me to be able to evaluate things fairly. But then again, I do have this drive to want to connect to something. To attach it to my own understanding of myself. And perhaps thats why I feel so strongly against falsely attaching ideas because I feel my need to identify is just a weakness in my ego needing some kind of higher affection --- just wanting something to love me and make me feel special ---. But who knows, maybe it is something a higher power instilled in me to be able to feel and realize it in itself. I really don't know.
Lately I've been dabbeling with the understanding of balance and equality in all things. Just how the world and the universe is so finely attached and connected. I love my art history classes, I feel they put perspective on things. It's funny how much I'm actually learning my world history by incorporating it in art history. It's a shame my high school teachers didn't do that! I would have had an A! lol... no I wouldn't have. Who am I kidding? lol.
Well I suppose I'll go rot my brain with that Carlos Mencia show. I don't really like that show, but it's on. Perhaps I'll meditate to some music. But here's a rather humiliating fact about me... I'm kinda afraid of being alone in the dark. It's left over from my childhood when I thought demons and ghosts were flying around me. It's something I apparently freakishly strongly absorbed from the Christian church and can't seem to shut off the lights without feeling like something is there. Well, there's my confession of the day. I need more humiliation anyways, with this small ego of mine. lol.
Well... have a lovely night.
Why is it so engraved in the human psyche that we are important? Can't we just be apart of an equal cycle in the existing universe? If I die tomorrow and return to whatever existance I came from before, shouldn't that be okay? Some may call it pessimistic or overly realistic, but I don't think it's that way at all. It's almost a relieving of pressure I guess. Being at peace with my mistakes and my accomplishments simultaneously seems much more rewarding for my mental health, doesn't build up unaccomplishable circumstances for me to mold myself after and eventually dislike myself for it not living it up.
I guess relationships is a good example of this. People believe that love just happens, and there is no work involved. Many believe in an eternal love that is just forever binding, because it just is. Again, I blame the media and the movies. They only need to make you fall in love for an hour, not a lifetime.
Well. I really don't know. If it will make you truly happy, why not. But then again... many people (especially me) take courses of action based on what is perceived as whats going to make them happy, but in the end it's really just fulfilling some void in the psyche.
Philosophy and psychology have really destroyed my hope of ever believing in something spiritual. lol. It's hard for me to blindly do or feel anything. This is why I don't like "faith" or "trust"... I just see them as blinded ideas.
I like not having a belief system, I feel it helps me to be able to evaluate things fairly. But then again, I do have this drive to want to connect to something. To attach it to my own understanding of myself. And perhaps thats why I feel so strongly against falsely attaching ideas because I feel my need to identify is just a weakness in my ego needing some kind of higher affection --- just wanting something to love me and make me feel special ---. But who knows, maybe it is something a higher power instilled in me to be able to feel and realize it in itself. I really don't know.
Lately I've been dabbeling with the understanding of balance and equality in all things. Just how the world and the universe is so finely attached and connected. I love my art history classes, I feel they put perspective on things. It's funny how much I'm actually learning my world history by incorporating it in art history. It's a shame my high school teachers didn't do that! I would have had an A! lol... no I wouldn't have. Who am I kidding? lol.
Well I suppose I'll go rot my brain with that Carlos Mencia show. I don't really like that show, but it's on. Perhaps I'll meditate to some music. But here's a rather humiliating fact about me... I'm kinda afraid of being alone in the dark. It's left over from my childhood when I thought demons and ghosts were flying around me. It's something I apparently freakishly strongly absorbed from the Christian church and can't seem to shut off the lights without feeling like something is there. Well, there's my confession of the day. I need more humiliation anyways, with this small ego of mine. lol.
Well... have a lovely night.