write your fears away...

Aug 17, 2014 15:16

Instead of wasting time talking/thinking/whining about not writing, I have decided to finally use time remedying the situation. I have decided to take the first step toward rebuilding a habit.
Today, I write.
~~
1.0
(Today, I am also considering all the great and also crazy times/thoughts etc I have had over the last few months. Consider this a terrible love child of the two.)

I am afraid:
I will look back later and be disappointed with what I haven't done
I am forgettable
I will do more damage than good
~~

2.0
That list sucks, and makes me nervous thinking about self fulfilling prophecies, so I am going to approach it another way.

I hope:
I will look back later and be satisfied with what I have done
I am memorable
I have a positive impact on the people and things around me
I will become very good at something
I am worth it
I am important
I will continue to push for mastery of things I feel comfortable with
I am a good friend
My perceptions are largely accurate, and I can control the ones that are not
I will continue to push and grow confidence, because it is a constantly depleting resource, not a concrete thing you get and keep
Family and friends are proud of me
One day, I will be capable of competently handling transition
My words have meaning and are worth listening to
~~
One more week of summer. Even if I wasn't hyper aware of the dates, the school-based vaguely uncomfortable and stressful dreams would be a reminder. Limbo blows.  I am trying to live in the NOW, though, and cram as much into my current free time as possible. Forcing myself to frantically relax is a challenging experiment. (Although possibly entertaining to watch, from a distance.

(The irony is at least partially found in the fact that six weeks ago, I was lost and purposeless and *almost* wishing for the purpose/fulfillment/debilitating business of school.)

~
I spent ten hours over the last two days in a workshop, making moccasins. Apparently I have a new fascination (I am trying NOT to get into... well, trying NOT to acquire more STUFF for.)  Seriously, though - they are pretty sweet.
~
I kickstarted Shane Koyczan's latest project, and nailed signed copies of some of his work.  So, to quote him (because he is amazaballs), I have decided to "Shut Up and Say Something."
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