it's happening

[i_know_ninjas]

purchased a ticket today to fly into sacremento at 11:28am august 12th.



my mother has been spazzin on me
i feel the frustrations i had
with her fives years ago
except, ofcourse now it's different
i don't fight back with her
let her get worked up
its just sad enough for me
to witness the demise
she isn't ok,
it years me up,
but i'm glad to get the fuck
away from this woman.

you don't need to stop with
this displacement of your
lost passions, mother.
because i'm living on strong
just not where you
can keep trying to bring me down

i swear, the way i learned to fight
these people who treat me unjustly
is from keepin my chin up around you

if one can speak up their truth to their parents,
there is no one else that shouldn't hear it.

you regret so much mamma.
liquid in your eyes.
i can hear your tears
stain your cheeks
two rooms away
a broken faucet
no one can mend
although my father
hasn't stopped helping you
you aren't fixed

you are not my make
but i am made from you

i can only imagine you life, barely.
a life you haven't shared with me
is a life i don't understand as much as i could.
i hold your silence against you, woman.
x
i am 20, and tonight at dinner you called me a little girl. i told you not to say such things,
i am not some pre-menstrative pigtailed girl.
i have a bleeding cunt.
i have the words of experiences to embaress you.
i have the knowledge of how not to guilt-trip those i love.

the last one has something to do with you.
x

this is difficult. it's intense to watch my mother lose it on me.
i wish i had the words to describe a mother's stiff hug.
the awkward love of my mother. hugs not so soft.