Chapter 2!
I went to hang out in my favorite tea shop today, thinking I'd get a lot of school work done. Instead, it inspired me to finish this. oops.
Title: Heartbreak, Secret Friends, and Stupid Doodles (2/?)
Beta: The ever-amazing rufflefeather WHO WILL BE SORELY MISSED NEXT WEEK, PORN-FRIEND.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin (eventually), Gwen/Lance
Rating: PG this chap, maybe PG-13 later on
Warnings: maybe a couple swears. I forget which words are non-kosher these days.
Word Count: approx 4,300 this chp, (9,300 overall so far)
Summary: Modern uni AU: Merlin has a secret crush on Arthur, who has no idea who he is. When Arthur has a bad break up, Merlin takes it upon himself to cheer him up. Secretly, of course.
In case you missed it: Chapter 1. there's some more background info and credits there, if you're curious.
Tuesday night Merlin couldn’t sleep. His mind kept wandering back to that last class, to watching Arthur read the note and smile. It still made his chest tingle just thinking about it.
He gave up on pretending to sleep and pulled himself out of bed, going to his desk and removing Arthur’s note from where he had carefully folded it and placed it in his wallet (for safekeeping, he claimed, but Gwen said that he just liked the thought of something of Arthur’s touching his ass. She wasn’t entirely wrong.). He glanced at it again, though he already had every inch of it memorized, every crease of the paper, every stroke of pen. Still, looking at it made him feel content.
Since his discussion with Gwen, he had been thinking about what to do next. Obviously Arthur wasn’t annoyed by his gesture, but would doing it again be too presumptuous? He didn’t want to risk his luck a second time.
Then again maybe it was worth a shot. It was still anonymous, after all. If Arthur did find it too creepy, well that would be the end of it, and he would never have to know who it was. Merlin had nothing at all to lose.
And just maybe he could make Arthur smile again. Just the tiniest possibility seemed worth the risk of secret heartbreak and disappointment. In which case Gwen would probably comfort him and make him lasagna and ice cream. Then they could watch Bridget Jones and squeal over Colin Firth together. Okay, so this was looking like a win-win scenario. More Arthur smiles, or more Colin Firth.
That decided it. Merlin pulled out his notepad, mulling over what to say. He’d already said the obvious ‘cheer up’, now he would have to think of a way to do just that. There was this joke Gwen had told him recently… it was cheesy, but it just might be silly enough to be perfect.
Mission accomplished, Merlin tucked the note into his bag and climbed back into bed. His mind was so full of hypothetical scenarios, that it took him a long time to finally drop off to sleep, only to have his dreams filled with the object of his anxiety and hope.
****
Arthur arrived at class Wednesday morning feeling better than he would have thought possible just a few short days ago. It was amazing what a full night’s sleep and some real food could do. He still wasn’t in the best of moods, but that was hard when everyone was staring at him like some freak show exhibit.
It still hurt, and his chest ached every time he so much as thought Vivian’s name. But he had come to the point of acceptance, where he no longer plotted how to win her back, or how to get his revenge (he had alternated between the two, depending on the depth of his despondency and level of drunkenness).
When Arthur arrived at his seat there was another candy bar, accompanied by another note. He was pleasantly surprised; he had figured the other note was just a one-shot deal. He had expected that to be the end of it, a funny little memory he would hold on to when he looked back at these dark days.
But he couldn’t deny that the sight of that note made his lips quirk in anticipation. He sat down and took out his things, taking his time so as not to seem too eager. He had been too surprised to think about it much the last time, but he supposed the anonymous note-leaver had to be in this class, if they knew where he sat.
He took a covert glance around the room, looking to see if anyone was paying attention to him. But everyone seemed to be either checking their mobiles and chatting with friends or pulling out their notebooks and preparing for class. No one was paying Arthur any particular mind.
When he was sure no one was watching, Arthur grabbed the note and unfolded it, scanning it eagerly.
This time he did laugh out loud, in a quiet burst that sounded almost like a sneeze. He couldn’t help it, it had caught him off guard before he could stop himself. A few people in the seats around his turned to stare, and Arthur slid the note underneath his books, clearing his throat and trying to look nonchalant.
It was just so cheesy, he couldn’t possibly not laugh. It was the kind of joke his friend Lance would tell, so wholesome and cutesy. And that wonky little polar bear did just what it said; it broke the ice. At least Arthur felt like something was thawing inside of him, though that could just be the flush creeping up his neck as he stole another peak at the note, hand over his mouth to hold in any more girly-type giggles.
Arthur kept the note sitting on his desk through the lecture, glancing down at it periodically and trying not to smile too obviously so the professor wouldn’t get suspicious. Arthur knew he should be paying attention now that he was completely sober and alert for once. But it was hard to do when his mind kept wandering back to the note, and whoever had written it.
As the end of class approached Arthur pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled a quick reply. It seemed his pen-pal had gotten his last note, since they had bothered to leave another (or maybe they were just the dogged type). So this time he felt pretty sure it would make it to the intended recipient, whoever they were.
Arthur folded his new note and put it in his pocket, leaving the other behind as he gathered his things. He looked around the classroom again as he left, but still no one seemed to be watching him (well, no more than the usual curious glances he received lately). He shrugged and shouldered his bag, smiling to himself as he left the room.
****
Merlin felt even more on edge this time, if that was even possible. When Arthur noticed the note he looked around the room suspiciously, and Merlin did his best to pretend he wasn’t watching like a hawk (or creepy-stalker-person), scribbling gibberish in his notebook, head bent.
But then Arthur opened the note, and laughed. No smothered chuckle this time, it was a real, genuine laugh. But it was tragically cut short, as Arthur seemed to remember that he was in the middle of a crowded classroom, and laughing to yourself was usually considered weird (Merlin should know- he got sketchy looks every time he read Christopher Moore books in the library, but come on, there was a zombie Santa. Who wouldn’t laugh?).
Merlin felt his face flush and hunched lower in his desk so no one would notice. Laughing was such a commonplace action, but somehow when Arthur did it (especially over his note) Merlin’s heart rate doubled, dangerously close to palpitations. He wondered if maybe you actually could die from happiness. It might not be such a bad way to go.
Arthur had cleared his throat and tried to look smooth, but Merlin watched as a small smirk returned to his lips, and stayed there through the rest of class. Merlin didn’t think he had ever been more proud of anything in his life-not even the elementary science fair he had won by making a badass model T-Rex. Making Arthur laugh definitely topped his list of lifetime accomplishments.
By the end of class Merlin was in such a happy daze that he nearly forgot to wonder whether Arthur would leave him another note today. It almost seemed like too much to expect more after that glorious laugh, and Merlin didn’t want to seem greedy. Fate had already been plenty kind to him today. In fact, he was probably due for some divine smiting, if there was any balance to the universe.
But as he stood to collect his things he saw the note, sitting expectantly in the middle of Arthur’s empty desk, and he couldn’t stop himself from grinning and rushing forward maybe a little too eagerly to claim it. This time he shoved it in his pocket and all but ran from the classroom, looking for a quiet place to savor it.
He ended up in the bathroom, which wasn’t exactly private, but at least he could close the stall door and no one would see him when he inevitably had a bit of a freak out which may or may not have involved flailing limbs and smothered squeals (very manly squeals, obviously).
He pulled the note from his pocket and opened it.
Merlin grinned like a Cheshire cat, feeling like his face might actually split in two from the force of it. It wasn’t actually thanks this time, and for some reason that made Merlin feel good, like they had moved beyond favors and gratitude. Merlin could almost hear Arthur’s sarcastic voice, trying to sound withering while he was still grinning that silly little smirk he had worn in class.
He was fairly certain the message was meant to be teasing, and that made his chest ache in a whole new way. Because teasing was something you did with friends. Merlin didn’t want to get ahead of himself and start concocting creepy daydreams about slumber parties and matching BFF necklaces, but he couldn’t help the little thrill of happiness. Sure, someone like Merlin could never be real friends with someone like Arthur, but maybe, in this little way, they could be something like.
There was absolutely no question this time whether Merlin would attempt this again. He was already plotting what to put in the next note.
****
Arthur showed up to footy practice that afternoon in a rather good mood. Some fresh air and exercise sounded like just the thing he needed right now. He could run around with the guys, get good and dirty, tire himself out, and probably have a better night’s sleep than he had in a while. Life on the field was uncomplicated, and that’s what Arthur wanted right now.
“You girls ready to have your arses handed to you?” he asked with mock disdain, strolling up to Leon, Gwaine, and Elyan. Lance was still off making kissy faces with his girlfriend, and Arthur pointedly ignored them, still not ready to watch other people’s stupid-couple bliss yet.
The three gaped at him like he’d just suggested they shave their heads or have a Roman-style orgy (Gwaine would no doubt find the first option much more outrageous).
Leon was the first to find his voice, while the other two continued to look bemused and uncertain.
“I didn’t know you’d be joining us today,” Leon said cautiously, like he was afraid Arthur’s lighthearted mood might crumble back into uncontrolled sobbing (which had not happened, dammit, Leon!) if he pushed too hard.
Gwaine apparently did not catch on to his subtlety. “Yeah, mate, I thought you were still hiding out in your room, watching chick flicks and devouring chocolate like a lovesick girl.”
Elyan punched him in the arm, but Gwaine continued to grin playfully. The man didn’t even know the meaning of tact, but fortunately Arthur usually found his candor more amusing than annoying. A few days ago he might have punched Gwaine in the face, but today he could almost muster up a self-deprecating laugh.
“Oh, shut up,” Arthur retorted, “when Elena dumped your sorry ass you moped about for weeks. Which was longer than you actually dated, if I recall.”
But Gwaine just smiled wistfully. “Ah, the lovely Elena. Took me several bottles of top shelf whiskey to get over that one. And of course Sophia helped.”
The others guffawed. Gwaine’s womanizing was legendary around campus, but somehow there always seemed to be an endless supply of women willing to risk whatever diseases he had probably picked up over the years. It was something about the hair, he’d been told. Arthur loved the idiot as a mate, but he just didn’t get it.
“Well, glad you’re back, Arthur, because we’ve been absolute rubbish without you,” Elyan offered, with a warm pat on the shoulder.
“Lance!” Leon called, and their teammate reluctantly dragged his attention away from his girlfriend, Gwen, whom Arthur knew only vaguely, but thought was a very sweet girl. She and Lance were well suited, because he was the most sensitive soul Arthur had ever met.
Lance had offered to have deep, soul-searching talks with Arthur after the break-up, but at the time Arthur hadn’t wanted to have feelings, much less talk about them. But now he thought he might be ready to take Lance up on that offer. Maybe he’d invite him out fora pint tonight, if Lance could bear to tear himself away from his girlfriend for one evening.
“Arthur,” Lance greeted warmly, pulling him into a very manly hug, complete with vigorous back thumping. “You look well,” he said, and Arthur knew he meant it, because Lance wasn’t one to lie. He smiled his thanks and quietly proposed his pub idea while the others set about warming up. Lance agreed, with that smile that meant he knew exactly what Arthur was about, but wouldn’t mention it, for the sake of his pride. Lance might actually be a saint.
It was only practice, but they all played energetically, with the excitement of getting back on the field after too long off. Gwaine loved to bounce the ball off his head at any opportunity, sometimes leaping sidelong just to do it, when a kick would have worked perfectly well. But it made the others laugh to watch his less-than-graceful acrobatics, so he kept doing it. Gwaine was still the class clown who would do anything for attention.
Arthur got duly sweaty and tired out, just as planned. By the time they finished, he felt too exhausted to even remember to feel depressed.
Gwen brought the boys some towels and water, smiling mysteriously at Arthur as she handed him one. Arthur had no idea what to make of that smile, but thought maybe Lance had filled her in on their plans and what they really entailed. No doubt Gwen would highly approve of some touchy-feely emotion talk. She seemed to be watching him closely, so he gave her a smile and thanks, which made her giggle and turn away. He really would never understand girls.
Lance agreed to go back to the dorms for a shower and meet at the pub in an hour. Leon threw his arm over Arthur’s shoulder as they headed back to their room, ruffling his sweaty hair. Arthur tried to protest, but just ended up laughing.
“So,” Leon asked, “what’s this good mood all about? Not that I’m not happy as shit that you’re back to yourself, trust me, you were no fun when you were moping.”
Arthur sighed, not even bothering to deny his friend’s accusations. He figured he may as well tell Leon about today’s development, knowing he couldn’t hide it from his friend for long anyway (the man was some kind of super-sleuth).
“I got another note today,” Arthur admitted, and Leon stopped dead, arm still around Arthur.
“No shit?” he asked, looking somewhere between amused and concerned. Arthur didn’t know what that was about.
“Yeah, just another silly drawing. But, I dunno, it made me laugh. I can’t explain it, it just made me feel good. More like myself, you know?”
Leon was examining him closely, arm sliding back to his side.
“You still don’t know who it is?” he asked, looking cautious.
“No idea,” Arthur confirmed. Leon’s hesitant reaction was dampening his good mood a bit.
“You don’t…” Leon hesitated, fidgeting a bit awkwardly, but looking Arthur in the eye, as he always did. “You don’t think it’s a bit weird? The first time it was cute, but why would someone keep doing it? What do they have to gain?”
For some reason Leon’s insinuation made Arthur angry, like he was somehow polluting the notes with his suspicion. “They don’t want anything, Leon, they’re just being nice. Is it hard to believe that someone might just want to do something kind for someone else?”
Leon shrugged noncommittally. “I admit, silly notes are a very weird tactic to get into someone’s pants. But you just never know, man. All I’m saying is you should be cautious.”
Arthur could see that Leon was concerned for him. He had just seen Arthur fall apart, after all, he supposed his apprehension was justified. But somehow Arthur knew Leon was wrong. He couldn’t say why, and Leon’s suggestion may even be the logical reaction to the situation. But he couldn’t believe that the person drawing him silly polar bears had ulterior motives. At least he really wanted to believe they didn’t. That seemed important.
“I know it’s a little unusual, but it’s not like they’ve approached me or anything. I don’t think there’s any reason to worry. But,” he added to appease Leon’s skeptical look, “I will be cautious. You don’t have to worry.” Not that Leon would ever stop worrying about him, that had always been his job as Arthur’s best friend, ever since they were kids. But maybe he would back off a little and keep his worries to himself.
“All right, mate, that’s all I ask,” Leon agreed with a shrug, letting the topic drop and turning to analyzing their upcoming footy match. He assured Arthur that it was a “sure thing,” since everyone knew Cenred’s team was total shit and didn’t stand a chance against The Knights (Lance had chosen the name for their team, of course. Arthur couldn’t remember why they had left it up to him).
****
Merlin caught up with Gwen that night for dinner. Lance was off with Arthur, she informed him, and Merlin complained about how he was Gwen’s “other man” who she only hung out with when her boyfriend was busy. She smacked him on the arm and told him it was his own fault for being gay, or they could have made the best cheesy couple ever. Which was ridiculous and true at the same time.
“Besides,” Gwen continued, “you can’t be mad at me when I have Exclusive Arthur News to report.”
Merlin smiled. Gwen was an enabler, feeding his hopeless obsession with details she picked up from Lance and his mates. He wasn’t sure if he should thank her or scold her. But his curiosity always won out over his moral qualms.
He looked at her expectantly, folding his arms on the table top and leaning forward. “Spill,” he commanded, and that’s all it took to send her off, gushing a mile a minute.
“Arthur came to footy practice today, and he was smiling and laughing, and he was in such a good mood! And he even asked Lance out, which you know he’s been avoiding ever since, well.” She was grinning like she had just divulged the secrets of the universe.
“Um, yeah, I kinda knew that already. Well, not the Lance part, but that’s good,” he added at her disappointed frown. He knew she prided herself on getting the gossip first, and he didn’t want to deprive her of that. But her dissatisfaction quickly morphed into suspicion.
“How did you know?” she demanded, staring at him with those penetrating eyes he could never hide anything from.
“I, um, might have had something to do with it? Well, just a bit. Maybe. I don’t want to get too full of myself, or anything.”
Her suspicious frown deepened. “You did it again, didn’t you?” she surmised, not even sounding surprised. Merlin’s only reply was a sheepish grin. “Oh, you adorable, besotted fool,” she grinned in response, glare melting away.
Merlin blushed, not even bothering to deny her accusations. Because if he was getting so excited over such a little thing he was most definitely besotted, and a complete fool.
“I couldn’t help myself, Gwen, you can understand, right? I just had to see if I could do it again, make him smile. And I did, and oh, it was glorious, you should have been there,” he gushed.
Gwen was watching him with that look that meant Merlin was being unbearably adorable and she wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him like a fuzzy little bunny rabbit. Which she only refrained from doing because they were in the middle of the cafeteria.
“Yeah, I get it. I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same,” she admitted, making Merlin smile. They were both the hopeless romantic type, it was part of what made their friendship work so well, because they could gush to each other unreservedly. Before Lance had finally worked up the courage to ask Gwen out Merlin had put up with months of her ranting about how amazing he was, and how dashing and noble and handsome, and how she wanted to marry him and have his babies (actually, he still had to listen to all of that. Only now he had to listen to Lance’s enamored babbling as well. They really were the most sickeningly sweet couple of all time.).
“So, you’re going to do it again,” she said, not even phrasing it as a question, since she knew Merlin well enough not to have any doubts.
“Yeah,” he admitted, “don’t think I could stop now if I wanted to.” Gwen just patted his hand.
“If you were straight we would so be married, honey, I don’t even care if you objected and I had to drag you to the altar in handcuffs.” Merlin burst out in laughter at this, and Gwen joined in. It wasn’t the first time they’d discussed their hypothetical marriage (where they would grow old gossiping like teenagers while drinking tea the way Gwen made it just right and trying to play matchmaker for everyone they knew). “Don’t tell Lance, of course,” she added, and Merlin pantomimed zipping his lips, which was hard because he couldn’t keep them closed long enough around the giggles.
****
Arthur showed up to class Friday morning feeling more excited than anyone rightly should about economics. But he didn’t care about the lecture. He was burning with curiosity, waiting to see if there would be another note on his desk. He didn’t want to admit it, but he would be fairly disappointed if there wasn’t. Okay, more than fairly. Maybe even epically. But he tried not to show it.
He had told the whole story to Lance the other night, and he had been much more understanding than Leon. Lance hadn’t been all that surprised, which Arthur found very strange, because he didn’t think these types of things were all that commonplace. Then again, maybe to romantically inclined people like Lance a couple notes were no big deal. He probably wrote epic love letters on a regular basis (which definitely did not include doodles of polar animals, Arthur was sure).
But Lance just gave him a friendly smile and assured him that the whole thing sounded very sweet, and he was sure the note-sender had the purest of intentions. Lance was entirely too trusting in general, but he reasoned that someone who used a squid notepad couldn’t possibly have secret, nefarious plans. Arthur found this logic sound.
He spotted the note as soon as he entered the classroom. There was no candy bar or drink today, just the folded slip of paper, but he didn’t care. That was the important part, anyway. He tried to act casual as he hurried over to his seat, opening the note before he even bothered to get his things out
There was no way Arthur could help it; he collapsed in a fit of laughter, bent over his desk to hide his face, which he was pretty sure was turning red from the lack of oxygen getting to his lungs. He knew people were looking at him, but he really didn’t care. There were tears threatening to spill out of his eyes, and he had to use all his willpower to keep them in, because he didn’t want people to misunderstand and think he’d been crying, not with everything that had happened lately.
When he finally managed to pull himself together he glanced around the room, and sure enough a majority of the class was staring at him. Most were looking like they thought he was a freak (which was a sensation he was getting used to), but a few were smiling, whether in amusement or because they thought he’d finally cracked, he couldn’t tell. But it was impossible to infer which of those people was responsible for his mirth. Damn.
Arthur pulled out his notepad and wrote his response right away, folding it up and leaving it under his books for later. He put the new note in his pocket, because there was no way he could get through class with it sitting in front of him, daring him not to break into inappropriate laughter in the middle of a discussion on capital. Having to look at Professor Smith and not think of the drawing was going to be hard enough. It felt like a test of willpower, to see how long he could keep a straight face before he cracked. Maybe the note-sender was an evil genius.
He left the class that day feeling lighter than he had in a while, and decided to go find Gwaine, because it was Friday afternoon, and he could do with some of the idiot’s silly shenanigans to keep up his mood. Gwaine getting drunk and hitting on anything with legs never failed to amuse him, and he figured he could probably enjoy a drink tonight without getting himself obliterated. It was time to get out and have a little fun again.
****
Merlin met Gwen and Lance at the cinema later that night. He often crashed their dates, because neither of them honestly minded, they liked having Merlin around. They were like an old married couple, treating Merlin like their child who they doted on and spoiled rotten. His presence never inhibited them from acting all sickly sweet and romantic, and while Merlin pretended to gag at their corny lines and puppy dog eyes, he actually found it comforting. He liked the fact that couples like Lance and Gwen actually existed, even if he doubted he would ever find that for himself.
“So, give me the update,” Gwen demanded while they grabbed seats, Lance gallantly waiting in the long concessions line to get them a giant tub of popcorn (they always got the largest size because Gwen and Merlin would inevitably waste half of it trying to throw it into each other’s mouths).
Merlin pulled the latest reply note from his pocket, offering it up to her delighted squeals.
Gwen looked it over with a bit of confusion.
“What does that mean?” she asked, eying Merlin suspiciously.
“I drew him a picture of Professor Smith,” he said, like that explained everything.
She furrowed her brow for a moment, thinking. “The one you said looks like a walrus?” she asked, and he nodded eagerly. Gwen broke into laughter. “You drew him as a walrus, didn’t you? Oh, Merlin,” she giggled, because she really did know him too well.
“I think he liked it,” Merlin explained, because the note may sound a little cold, but he knew Arthur was being playful. No one in class could deny that Arthur had found the drawing hilarious (though, of course, no one else knew what his laughter was about, and that made Merlin feel special and happy and a whole thesaurus full of corny adjectives).
“You, dear,” Gwen said, ruffling his hair, “have some kind of gift. A really weird, quirky gift, but a gift nonetheless,” she said, and Merlin knew she meant it as a compliment in her own eccentric way.
Lance joined them then, and recognized Gwen’s schmoopy happy look. “More developments, then?” he asked, since Gwen had been keeping him apprised of the situation. Lance was hearing this story from two perspectives now, though he firmly refused to tell Merlin what Arthur had said about it, since he deemed it an unfair advantage for Merlin. And Lance was all about fairness and honor.
“Oh, just Merlin falling hopelessly further in love,” Gwen said with a dreamy sigh.
“Well, good luck, my friend,” Lance said sincerely, patting Merlin on the head as he squeezed by to sit on Gwen’s other side, placing the bucket of popcorn in her lap. Merlin immediately dug in, to get as many of the super-buttery top kernels as possible, while Gwen tried to fend him off and grab them for herself. Lance just looked on with amusement, letting them have the best pieces for themselves, true gentleman that he was.
Merlin was ready to enjoy an evening with his best friends, and if he seemed a bit distracted tonight, well, they would understand, because they were considerate like that. (And of course they enjoyed exchanging little secret-couples-language smiles about him when he wasn’t looking.) But with a whole weekend before his next class, Merlin was determined to distract himself and have some fun. Even if his mind was hopelessly full of a bratty blond and his life-changing laugh.
TBC
ch 3 up hopefully early next week. your feedback would certainly help speed things up! (not that I'm begging or anything, of course not...but srsly.)
ETA: Chapter 3
Title: Heartbreak, Secret Friends, and Stupid Doodles (2/?)
Beta: The ever-amazing rufflefeather WHO WILL BE SORELY MISSED NEXT WEEK, PORN-FRIEND.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin (eventually), Gwen/Lance
Rating: PG this chap, maybe PG-13 later on
Warnings: maybe a couple swears. I forget which words are non-kosher these days.
Word Count: approx 4,300 this chp, (9,300 overall so far)
Summary: Modern uni AU: Merlin has a secret crush on Arthur, who has no idea who he is. When Arthur has a bad break up, Merlin takes it upon himself to cheer him up. Secretly, of course.
In case you missed it: Chapter 1. there's some more background info and credits there, if you're curious.
Tuesday night Merlin couldn’t sleep. His mind kept wandering back to that last class, to watching Arthur read the note and smile. It still made his chest tingle just thinking about it.
He gave up on pretending to sleep and pulled himself out of bed, going to his desk and removing Arthur’s note from where he had carefully folded it and placed it in his wallet (for safekeeping, he claimed, but Gwen said that he just liked the thought of something of Arthur’s touching his ass. She wasn’t entirely wrong.). He glanced at it again, though he already had every inch of it memorized, every crease of the paper, every stroke of pen. Still, looking at it made him feel content.
Since his discussion with Gwen, he had been thinking about what to do next. Obviously Arthur wasn’t annoyed by his gesture, but would doing it again be too presumptuous? He didn’t want to risk his luck a second time.
Then again maybe it was worth a shot. It was still anonymous, after all. If Arthur did find it too creepy, well that would be the end of it, and he would never have to know who it was. Merlin had nothing at all to lose.
And just maybe he could make Arthur smile again. Just the tiniest possibility seemed worth the risk of secret heartbreak and disappointment. In which case Gwen would probably comfort him and make him lasagna and ice cream. Then they could watch Bridget Jones and squeal over Colin Firth together. Okay, so this was looking like a win-win scenario. More Arthur smiles, or more Colin Firth.
That decided it. Merlin pulled out his notepad, mulling over what to say. He’d already said the obvious ‘cheer up’, now he would have to think of a way to do just that. There was this joke Gwen had told him recently… it was cheesy, but it just might be silly enough to be perfect.
Mission accomplished, Merlin tucked the note into his bag and climbed back into bed. His mind was so full of hypothetical scenarios, that it took him a long time to finally drop off to sleep, only to have his dreams filled with the object of his anxiety and hope.
****
Arthur arrived at class Wednesday morning feeling better than he would have thought possible just a few short days ago. It was amazing what a full night’s sleep and some real food could do. He still wasn’t in the best of moods, but that was hard when everyone was staring at him like some freak show exhibit.
It still hurt, and his chest ached every time he so much as thought Vivian’s name. But he had come to the point of acceptance, where he no longer plotted how to win her back, or how to get his revenge (he had alternated between the two, depending on the depth of his despondency and level of drunkenness).
When Arthur arrived at his seat there was another candy bar, accompanied by another note. He was pleasantly surprised; he had figured the other note was just a one-shot deal. He had expected that to be the end of it, a funny little memory he would hold on to when he looked back at these dark days.
But he couldn’t deny that the sight of that note made his lips quirk in anticipation. He sat down and took out his things, taking his time so as not to seem too eager. He had been too surprised to think about it much the last time, but he supposed the anonymous note-leaver had to be in this class, if they knew where he sat.
He took a covert glance around the room, looking to see if anyone was paying attention to him. But everyone seemed to be either checking their mobiles and chatting with friends or pulling out their notebooks and preparing for class. No one was paying Arthur any particular mind.
When he was sure no one was watching, Arthur grabbed the note and unfolded it, scanning it eagerly.
This time he did laugh out loud, in a quiet burst that sounded almost like a sneeze. He couldn’t help it, it had caught him off guard before he could stop himself. A few people in the seats around his turned to stare, and Arthur slid the note underneath his books, clearing his throat and trying to look nonchalant.
It was just so cheesy, he couldn’t possibly not laugh. It was the kind of joke his friend Lance would tell, so wholesome and cutesy. And that wonky little polar bear did just what it said; it broke the ice. At least Arthur felt like something was thawing inside of him, though that could just be the flush creeping up his neck as he stole another peak at the note, hand over his mouth to hold in any more girly-type giggles.
Arthur kept the note sitting on his desk through the lecture, glancing down at it periodically and trying not to smile too obviously so the professor wouldn’t get suspicious. Arthur knew he should be paying attention now that he was completely sober and alert for once. But it was hard to do when his mind kept wandering back to the note, and whoever had written it.
As the end of class approached Arthur pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled a quick reply. It seemed his pen-pal had gotten his last note, since they had bothered to leave another (or maybe they were just the dogged type). So this time he felt pretty sure it would make it to the intended recipient, whoever they were.
Arthur folded his new note and put it in his pocket, leaving the other behind as he gathered his things. He looked around the classroom again as he left, but still no one seemed to be watching him (well, no more than the usual curious glances he received lately). He shrugged and shouldered his bag, smiling to himself as he left the room.
****
Merlin felt even more on edge this time, if that was even possible. When Arthur noticed the note he looked around the room suspiciously, and Merlin did his best to pretend he wasn’t watching like a hawk (or creepy-stalker-person), scribbling gibberish in his notebook, head bent.
But then Arthur opened the note, and laughed. No smothered chuckle this time, it was a real, genuine laugh. But it was tragically cut short, as Arthur seemed to remember that he was in the middle of a crowded classroom, and laughing to yourself was usually considered weird (Merlin should know- he got sketchy looks every time he read Christopher Moore books in the library, but come on, there was a zombie Santa. Who wouldn’t laugh?).
Merlin felt his face flush and hunched lower in his desk so no one would notice. Laughing was such a commonplace action, but somehow when Arthur did it (especially over his note) Merlin’s heart rate doubled, dangerously close to palpitations. He wondered if maybe you actually could die from happiness. It might not be such a bad way to go.
Arthur had cleared his throat and tried to look smooth, but Merlin watched as a small smirk returned to his lips, and stayed there through the rest of class. Merlin didn’t think he had ever been more proud of anything in his life-not even the elementary science fair he had won by making a badass model T-Rex. Making Arthur laugh definitely topped his list of lifetime accomplishments.
By the end of class Merlin was in such a happy daze that he nearly forgot to wonder whether Arthur would leave him another note today. It almost seemed like too much to expect more after that glorious laugh, and Merlin didn’t want to seem greedy. Fate had already been plenty kind to him today. In fact, he was probably due for some divine smiting, if there was any balance to the universe.
But as he stood to collect his things he saw the note, sitting expectantly in the middle of Arthur’s empty desk, and he couldn’t stop himself from grinning and rushing forward maybe a little too eagerly to claim it. This time he shoved it in his pocket and all but ran from the classroom, looking for a quiet place to savor it.
He ended up in the bathroom, which wasn’t exactly private, but at least he could close the stall door and no one would see him when he inevitably had a bit of a freak out which may or may not have involved flailing limbs and smothered squeals (very manly squeals, obviously).
He pulled the note from his pocket and opened it.
Merlin grinned like a Cheshire cat, feeling like his face might actually split in two from the force of it. It wasn’t actually thanks this time, and for some reason that made Merlin feel good, like they had moved beyond favors and gratitude. Merlin could almost hear Arthur’s sarcastic voice, trying to sound withering while he was still grinning that silly little smirk he had worn in class.
He was fairly certain the message was meant to be teasing, and that made his chest ache in a whole new way. Because teasing was something you did with friends. Merlin didn’t want to get ahead of himself and start concocting creepy daydreams about slumber parties and matching BFF necklaces, but he couldn’t help the little thrill of happiness. Sure, someone like Merlin could never be real friends with someone like Arthur, but maybe, in this little way, they could be something like.
There was absolutely no question this time whether Merlin would attempt this again. He was already plotting what to put in the next note.
****
Arthur showed up to footy practice that afternoon in a rather good mood. Some fresh air and exercise sounded like just the thing he needed right now. He could run around with the guys, get good and dirty, tire himself out, and probably have a better night’s sleep than he had in a while. Life on the field was uncomplicated, and that’s what Arthur wanted right now.
“You girls ready to have your arses handed to you?” he asked with mock disdain, strolling up to Leon, Gwaine, and Elyan. Lance was still off making kissy faces with his girlfriend, and Arthur pointedly ignored them, still not ready to watch other people’s stupid-couple bliss yet.
The three gaped at him like he’d just suggested they shave their heads or have a Roman-style orgy (Gwaine would no doubt find the first option much more outrageous).
Leon was the first to find his voice, while the other two continued to look bemused and uncertain.
“I didn’t know you’d be joining us today,” Leon said cautiously, like he was afraid Arthur’s lighthearted mood might crumble back into uncontrolled sobbing (which had not happened, dammit, Leon!) if he pushed too hard.
Gwaine apparently did not catch on to his subtlety. “Yeah, mate, I thought you were still hiding out in your room, watching chick flicks and devouring chocolate like a lovesick girl.”
Elyan punched him in the arm, but Gwaine continued to grin playfully. The man didn’t even know the meaning of tact, but fortunately Arthur usually found his candor more amusing than annoying. A few days ago he might have punched Gwaine in the face, but today he could almost muster up a self-deprecating laugh.
“Oh, shut up,” Arthur retorted, “when Elena dumped your sorry ass you moped about for weeks. Which was longer than you actually dated, if I recall.”
But Gwaine just smiled wistfully. “Ah, the lovely Elena. Took me several bottles of top shelf whiskey to get over that one. And of course Sophia helped.”
The others guffawed. Gwaine’s womanizing was legendary around campus, but somehow there always seemed to be an endless supply of women willing to risk whatever diseases he had probably picked up over the years. It was something about the hair, he’d been told. Arthur loved the idiot as a mate, but he just didn’t get it.
“Well, glad you’re back, Arthur, because we’ve been absolute rubbish without you,” Elyan offered, with a warm pat on the shoulder.
“Lance!” Leon called, and their teammate reluctantly dragged his attention away from his girlfriend, Gwen, whom Arthur knew only vaguely, but thought was a very sweet girl. She and Lance were well suited, because he was the most sensitive soul Arthur had ever met.
Lance had offered to have deep, soul-searching talks with Arthur after the break-up, but at the time Arthur hadn’t wanted to have feelings, much less talk about them. But now he thought he might be ready to take Lance up on that offer. Maybe he’d invite him out fora pint tonight, if Lance could bear to tear himself away from his girlfriend for one evening.
“Arthur,” Lance greeted warmly, pulling him into a very manly hug, complete with vigorous back thumping. “You look well,” he said, and Arthur knew he meant it, because Lance wasn’t one to lie. He smiled his thanks and quietly proposed his pub idea while the others set about warming up. Lance agreed, with that smile that meant he knew exactly what Arthur was about, but wouldn’t mention it, for the sake of his pride. Lance might actually be a saint.
It was only practice, but they all played energetically, with the excitement of getting back on the field after too long off. Gwaine loved to bounce the ball off his head at any opportunity, sometimes leaping sidelong just to do it, when a kick would have worked perfectly well. But it made the others laugh to watch his less-than-graceful acrobatics, so he kept doing it. Gwaine was still the class clown who would do anything for attention.
Arthur got duly sweaty and tired out, just as planned. By the time they finished, he felt too exhausted to even remember to feel depressed.
Gwen brought the boys some towels and water, smiling mysteriously at Arthur as she handed him one. Arthur had no idea what to make of that smile, but thought maybe Lance had filled her in on their plans and what they really entailed. No doubt Gwen would highly approve of some touchy-feely emotion talk. She seemed to be watching him closely, so he gave her a smile and thanks, which made her giggle and turn away. He really would never understand girls.
Lance agreed to go back to the dorms for a shower and meet at the pub in an hour. Leon threw his arm over Arthur’s shoulder as they headed back to their room, ruffling his sweaty hair. Arthur tried to protest, but just ended up laughing.
“So,” Leon asked, “what’s this good mood all about? Not that I’m not happy as shit that you’re back to yourself, trust me, you were no fun when you were moping.”
Arthur sighed, not even bothering to deny his friend’s accusations. He figured he may as well tell Leon about today’s development, knowing he couldn’t hide it from his friend for long anyway (the man was some kind of super-sleuth).
“I got another note today,” Arthur admitted, and Leon stopped dead, arm still around Arthur.
“No shit?” he asked, looking somewhere between amused and concerned. Arthur didn’t know what that was about.
“Yeah, just another silly drawing. But, I dunno, it made me laugh. I can’t explain it, it just made me feel good. More like myself, you know?”
Leon was examining him closely, arm sliding back to his side.
“You still don’t know who it is?” he asked, looking cautious.
“No idea,” Arthur confirmed. Leon’s hesitant reaction was dampening his good mood a bit.
“You don’t…” Leon hesitated, fidgeting a bit awkwardly, but looking Arthur in the eye, as he always did. “You don’t think it’s a bit weird? The first time it was cute, but why would someone keep doing it? What do they have to gain?”
For some reason Leon’s insinuation made Arthur angry, like he was somehow polluting the notes with his suspicion. “They don’t want anything, Leon, they’re just being nice. Is it hard to believe that someone might just want to do something kind for someone else?”
Leon shrugged noncommittally. “I admit, silly notes are a very weird tactic to get into someone’s pants. But you just never know, man. All I’m saying is you should be cautious.”
Arthur could see that Leon was concerned for him. He had just seen Arthur fall apart, after all, he supposed his apprehension was justified. But somehow Arthur knew Leon was wrong. He couldn’t say why, and Leon’s suggestion may even be the logical reaction to the situation. But he couldn’t believe that the person drawing him silly polar bears had ulterior motives. At least he really wanted to believe they didn’t. That seemed important.
“I know it’s a little unusual, but it’s not like they’ve approached me or anything. I don’t think there’s any reason to worry. But,” he added to appease Leon’s skeptical look, “I will be cautious. You don’t have to worry.” Not that Leon would ever stop worrying about him, that had always been his job as Arthur’s best friend, ever since they were kids. But maybe he would back off a little and keep his worries to himself.
“All right, mate, that’s all I ask,” Leon agreed with a shrug, letting the topic drop and turning to analyzing their upcoming footy match. He assured Arthur that it was a “sure thing,” since everyone knew Cenred’s team was total shit and didn’t stand a chance against The Knights (Lance had chosen the name for their team, of course. Arthur couldn’t remember why they had left it up to him).
****
Merlin caught up with Gwen that night for dinner. Lance was off with Arthur, she informed him, and Merlin complained about how he was Gwen’s “other man” who she only hung out with when her boyfriend was busy. She smacked him on the arm and told him it was his own fault for being gay, or they could have made the best cheesy couple ever. Which was ridiculous and true at the same time.
“Besides,” Gwen continued, “you can’t be mad at me when I have Exclusive Arthur News to report.”
Merlin smiled. Gwen was an enabler, feeding his hopeless obsession with details she picked up from Lance and his mates. He wasn’t sure if he should thank her or scold her. But his curiosity always won out over his moral qualms.
He looked at her expectantly, folding his arms on the table top and leaning forward. “Spill,” he commanded, and that’s all it took to send her off, gushing a mile a minute.
“Arthur came to footy practice today, and he was smiling and laughing, and he was in such a good mood! And he even asked Lance out, which you know he’s been avoiding ever since, well.” She was grinning like she had just divulged the secrets of the universe.
“Um, yeah, I kinda knew that already. Well, not the Lance part, but that’s good,” he added at her disappointed frown. He knew she prided herself on getting the gossip first, and he didn’t want to deprive her of that. But her dissatisfaction quickly morphed into suspicion.
“How did you know?” she demanded, staring at him with those penetrating eyes he could never hide anything from.
“I, um, might have had something to do with it? Well, just a bit. Maybe. I don’t want to get too full of myself, or anything.”
Her suspicious frown deepened. “You did it again, didn’t you?” she surmised, not even sounding surprised. Merlin’s only reply was a sheepish grin. “Oh, you adorable, besotted fool,” she grinned in response, glare melting away.
Merlin blushed, not even bothering to deny her accusations. Because if he was getting so excited over such a little thing he was most definitely besotted, and a complete fool.
“I couldn’t help myself, Gwen, you can understand, right? I just had to see if I could do it again, make him smile. And I did, and oh, it was glorious, you should have been there,” he gushed.
Gwen was watching him with that look that meant Merlin was being unbearably adorable and she wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him like a fuzzy little bunny rabbit. Which she only refrained from doing because they were in the middle of the cafeteria.
“Yeah, I get it. I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same,” she admitted, making Merlin smile. They were both the hopeless romantic type, it was part of what made their friendship work so well, because they could gush to each other unreservedly. Before Lance had finally worked up the courage to ask Gwen out Merlin had put up with months of her ranting about how amazing he was, and how dashing and noble and handsome, and how she wanted to marry him and have his babies (actually, he still had to listen to all of that. Only now he had to listen to Lance’s enamored babbling as well. They really were the most sickeningly sweet couple of all time.).
“So, you’re going to do it again,” she said, not even phrasing it as a question, since she knew Merlin well enough not to have any doubts.
“Yeah,” he admitted, “don’t think I could stop now if I wanted to.” Gwen just patted his hand.
“If you were straight we would so be married, honey, I don’t even care if you objected and I had to drag you to the altar in handcuffs.” Merlin burst out in laughter at this, and Gwen joined in. It wasn’t the first time they’d discussed their hypothetical marriage (where they would grow old gossiping like teenagers while drinking tea the way Gwen made it just right and trying to play matchmaker for everyone they knew). “Don’t tell Lance, of course,” she added, and Merlin pantomimed zipping his lips, which was hard because he couldn’t keep them closed long enough around the giggles.
****
Arthur showed up to class Friday morning feeling more excited than anyone rightly should about economics. But he didn’t care about the lecture. He was burning with curiosity, waiting to see if there would be another note on his desk. He didn’t want to admit it, but he would be fairly disappointed if there wasn’t. Okay, more than fairly. Maybe even epically. But he tried not to show it.
He had told the whole story to Lance the other night, and he had been much more understanding than Leon. Lance hadn’t been all that surprised, which Arthur found very strange, because he didn’t think these types of things were all that commonplace. Then again, maybe to romantically inclined people like Lance a couple notes were no big deal. He probably wrote epic love letters on a regular basis (which definitely did not include doodles of polar animals, Arthur was sure).
But Lance just gave him a friendly smile and assured him that the whole thing sounded very sweet, and he was sure the note-sender had the purest of intentions. Lance was entirely too trusting in general, but he reasoned that someone who used a squid notepad couldn’t possibly have secret, nefarious plans. Arthur found this logic sound.
He spotted the note as soon as he entered the classroom. There was no candy bar or drink today, just the folded slip of paper, but he didn’t care. That was the important part, anyway. He tried to act casual as he hurried over to his seat, opening the note before he even bothered to get his things out
There was no way Arthur could help it; he collapsed in a fit of laughter, bent over his desk to hide his face, which he was pretty sure was turning red from the lack of oxygen getting to his lungs. He knew people were looking at him, but he really didn’t care. There were tears threatening to spill out of his eyes, and he had to use all his willpower to keep them in, because he didn’t want people to misunderstand and think he’d been crying, not with everything that had happened lately.
When he finally managed to pull himself together he glanced around the room, and sure enough a majority of the class was staring at him. Most were looking like they thought he was a freak (which was a sensation he was getting used to), but a few were smiling, whether in amusement or because they thought he’d finally cracked, he couldn’t tell. But it was impossible to infer which of those people was responsible for his mirth. Damn.
Arthur pulled out his notepad and wrote his response right away, folding it up and leaving it under his books for later. He put the new note in his pocket, because there was no way he could get through class with it sitting in front of him, daring him not to break into inappropriate laughter in the middle of a discussion on capital. Having to look at Professor Smith and not think of the drawing was going to be hard enough. It felt like a test of willpower, to see how long he could keep a straight face before he cracked. Maybe the note-sender was an evil genius.
He left the class that day feeling lighter than he had in a while, and decided to go find Gwaine, because it was Friday afternoon, and he could do with some of the idiot’s silly shenanigans to keep up his mood. Gwaine getting drunk and hitting on anything with legs never failed to amuse him, and he figured he could probably enjoy a drink tonight without getting himself obliterated. It was time to get out and have a little fun again.
****
Merlin met Gwen and Lance at the cinema later that night. He often crashed their dates, because neither of them honestly minded, they liked having Merlin around. They were like an old married couple, treating Merlin like their child who they doted on and spoiled rotten. His presence never inhibited them from acting all sickly sweet and romantic, and while Merlin pretended to gag at their corny lines and puppy dog eyes, he actually found it comforting. He liked the fact that couples like Lance and Gwen actually existed, even if he doubted he would ever find that for himself.
“So, give me the update,” Gwen demanded while they grabbed seats, Lance gallantly waiting in the long concessions line to get them a giant tub of popcorn (they always got the largest size because Gwen and Merlin would inevitably waste half of it trying to throw it into each other’s mouths).
Merlin pulled the latest reply note from his pocket, offering it up to her delighted squeals.
Gwen looked it over with a bit of confusion.
“What does that mean?” she asked, eying Merlin suspiciously.
“I drew him a picture of Professor Smith,” he said, like that explained everything.
She furrowed her brow for a moment, thinking. “The one you said looks like a walrus?” she asked, and he nodded eagerly. Gwen broke into laughter. “You drew him as a walrus, didn’t you? Oh, Merlin,” she giggled, because she really did know him too well.
“I think he liked it,” Merlin explained, because the note may sound a little cold, but he knew Arthur was being playful. No one in class could deny that Arthur had found the drawing hilarious (though, of course, no one else knew what his laughter was about, and that made Merlin feel special and happy and a whole thesaurus full of corny adjectives).
“You, dear,” Gwen said, ruffling his hair, “have some kind of gift. A really weird, quirky gift, but a gift nonetheless,” she said, and Merlin knew she meant it as a compliment in her own eccentric way.
Lance joined them then, and recognized Gwen’s schmoopy happy look. “More developments, then?” he asked, since Gwen had been keeping him apprised of the situation. Lance was hearing this story from two perspectives now, though he firmly refused to tell Merlin what Arthur had said about it, since he deemed it an unfair advantage for Merlin. And Lance was all about fairness and honor.
“Oh, just Merlin falling hopelessly further in love,” Gwen said with a dreamy sigh.
“Well, good luck, my friend,” Lance said sincerely, patting Merlin on the head as he squeezed by to sit on Gwen’s other side, placing the bucket of popcorn in her lap. Merlin immediately dug in, to get as many of the super-buttery top kernels as possible, while Gwen tried to fend him off and grab them for herself. Lance just looked on with amusement, letting them have the best pieces for themselves, true gentleman that he was.
Merlin was ready to enjoy an evening with his best friends, and if he seemed a bit distracted tonight, well, they would understand, because they were considerate like that. (And of course they enjoyed exchanging little secret-couples-language smiles about him when he wasn’t looking.) But with a whole weekend before his next class, Merlin was determined to distract himself and have some fun. Even if his mind was hopelessly full of a bratty blond and his life-changing laugh.
TBC
ch 3 up hopefully early next week. your feedback would certainly help speed things up! (not that I'm begging or anything, of course not...but srsly.)
ETA: Chapter 3