Mitsuko 10/23/08 - 12/3/09
So the thing I've been making numerous obnoxious updates about for the last eight months has already passed away. I couldn't think of a more obviously worse thing to happen to me. Mitsuko was my comfort dog. She was my first. The dog I had been waiting patiently to get for years. And now at a year old she has already been reduced to ashes under my care. I was at work when she was hit by a car and I still feel responsible somehow.
Yesterday I received this in the mail:
I think I would rather have not had this. I had no idea the vets office was going to make this for me. It was obviously made after she died, too. Now that I have it I can't just throw it away. Anyway, that paw cast ruined my day yesterday. I cry every day I come home from work now, but that cast made everything a lot worse. I couldn't stop thinking about how tiny her paw is in this.
When is this feeling going to be over? Its been two weeks since Mitsuko passed and I still feel almost the same as I did the first day of her death. God. I have never cried so much in my life.... and I am not a sensitive person. I've never had to deal with death before. I cried myself to sleep and as soon as I woke up the next morning I began crying again. This didn't stop for literally days. My eyes were completely red and blood shot. I cried so much it began to burn my tear ducts. I didn't even fucking know that could happen to humans.
Johnny seems to be over it. I have no one to relate to share these feelings with anymore. People having to put their pets down because they're old is one thing. Granted, I'm sure it's still painful, but god damn it is nothing like this. Mitsuko was the only consistently good thing in my life.
John and I picked up her ashes today. I also had John get her old harness with her name tag on it because I wanted it. On the way there, looking at the harness that still had mud on it from playing in his back yard, it just sucks. I was too emotional to go in the vets office to get her ashes myself. I hate when I'm crying and I can feel people's sympathy. It just makes me cry even more. Her urn is nice at least:
Apparently the "rainbow bridge" is some made up pet heaven. I think that sounds kind of gay but whatever.
The urn is sitting on my computer desk next to my bed. Baby enjoyed snuggling with me in bed so I'm sure she'd want to be as close to me as possible. John and I are going to bury some of her ashes in Smith Park this weekend. I took Mitsuko there every other day since I've had her pretty much. We've had a lot of good times there.
Here are the last pictures of her from Thanksgiving at my parents house. I'm glad I took a thousand pictures and video while I had her at least.
Snuggling her nomnom on the car ride there. She was always so good in the car.
Granddaughter and Grandma.
Beggin for nomnoms
more begging for nomnoms...but she knows I'm onto her.
sleepy baby tired from beggin
my mommy took this one. such a pretty baby.
Mitsuko loved my dad. She usually doesnt sit on peoples laps.
she loved hanging out in my bookshelf.
Sigh. I miss you, Mitsuko.
Yesterday I received this in the mail:
I think I would rather have not had this. I had no idea the vets office was going to make this for me. It was obviously made after she died, too. Now that I have it I can't just throw it away. Anyway, that paw cast ruined my day yesterday. I cry every day I come home from work now, but that cast made everything a lot worse. I couldn't stop thinking about how tiny her paw is in this.
When is this feeling going to be over? Its been two weeks since Mitsuko passed and I still feel almost the same as I did the first day of her death. God. I have never cried so much in my life.... and I am not a sensitive person. I've never had to deal with death before. I cried myself to sleep and as soon as I woke up the next morning I began crying again. This didn't stop for literally days. My eyes were completely red and blood shot. I cried so much it began to burn my tear ducts. I didn't even fucking know that could happen to humans.
Johnny seems to be over it. I have no one to relate to share these feelings with anymore. People having to put their pets down because they're old is one thing. Granted, I'm sure it's still painful, but god damn it is nothing like this. Mitsuko was the only consistently good thing in my life.
John and I picked up her ashes today. I also had John get her old harness with her name tag on it because I wanted it. On the way there, looking at the harness that still had mud on it from playing in his back yard, it just sucks. I was too emotional to go in the vets office to get her ashes myself. I hate when I'm crying and I can feel people's sympathy. It just makes me cry even more. Her urn is nice at least:
Apparently the "rainbow bridge" is some made up pet heaven. I think that sounds kind of gay but whatever.
The urn is sitting on my computer desk next to my bed. Baby enjoyed snuggling with me in bed so I'm sure she'd want to be as close to me as possible. John and I are going to bury some of her ashes in Smith Park this weekend. I took Mitsuko there every other day since I've had her pretty much. We've had a lot of good times there.
Here are the last pictures of her from Thanksgiving at my parents house. I'm glad I took a thousand pictures and video while I had her at least.
Snuggling her nomnom on the car ride there. She was always so good in the car.
Granddaughter and Grandma.
Beggin for nomnoms
more begging for nomnoms...but she knows I'm onto her.
sleepy baby tired from beggin
my mommy took this one. such a pretty baby.
Mitsuko loved my dad. She usually doesnt sit on peoples laps.
she loved hanging out in my bookshelf.
Sigh. I miss you, Mitsuko.