The worlds largest chicken
It's so fucking stupid.
I have so much I need to say to Michael. God DAMN! I'm fucking in love with the boy. How is it that with all I have to say...I can never find the words to say? Even worse...I forget what it is I want to say. Damn! Am I really so base? How could I let this happen, time and time again? I'm not sure what I should do anymore. I feel like sometimes it would be easier for me just to hide beneath some rock and wait it out....though of course that would be wrong. That's the part of me who thinks it may be easier if I wrote it out ahead of time...because otherwise I have not even an inkling of what it was I originally wanted to convey.
Maybe Mike has some strange and bizarre magical powers which I've never witnessed before. He entrances me more deeply than any sailor by a siren. When I'm around him...it's like there are bubbles everywhere. Happy bubbles that do nothing but distract me from my mission. Hell...I can hardly remember what that was!
Do I REALLY need to talk to him? Was it all part of my imagination? I had him sitting with me for hours...and all I could do was cuddle, giggle, laugh, tickle...and enjoy.
I suppose there is nothing wrong with that...but I know where that leads. That leads to my frustration...my tears...my uncertainty and doubt.
I have recently come to the conclusion that I am overwhelmed with an unreasonable amount of doubt. Even if someone is showing me in EVERY way that they like and care for me...I'll still be uncertain unless it's verbally stated somehow. I think..."Well, maybe I just imagined it. I could be misinterpreting the signals. Probably all in my head."
That's not normal is it? Probably not.
All I know is that I love him. In ways that I have never loved...which may sound strange, but believe me, for I only speak the truth.
I love him like the Sun loves the horizon.
I love him like the Stars love the endless blue of space.
I love him like the Ocean loves the Moon...reaching endlessly, releasing waves and tides of passion and longing.
All this love for Michael ironically makes me want to talk to Sean. I almost feel like he's my mentor in a way. He always knew how to keep me stable and afloat when I was sinking into the depths within myself. I know that he'd have advice for me. He'd know how to balance me...tell me how to deal...or what I should do....or instill the courage in me that I so desperately need to continue on with my life as he so obviously has.
But unfortunately, I won't have that chance. It'll just be me...trying to do it alone. How can the water be it's own rock? Water has to be contained & molded within something...
How do I sustain myself and find the courage on my own?
The courage to say what I don't even remember I wanted to say?
I have so much I need to say to Michael. God DAMN! I'm fucking in love with the boy. How is it that with all I have to say...I can never find the words to say? Even worse...I forget what it is I want to say. Damn! Am I really so base? How could I let this happen, time and time again? I'm not sure what I should do anymore. I feel like sometimes it would be easier for me just to hide beneath some rock and wait it out....though of course that would be wrong. That's the part of me who thinks it may be easier if I wrote it out ahead of time...because otherwise I have not even an inkling of what it was I originally wanted to convey.
Maybe Mike has some strange and bizarre magical powers which I've never witnessed before. He entrances me more deeply than any sailor by a siren. When I'm around him...it's like there are bubbles everywhere. Happy bubbles that do nothing but distract me from my mission. Hell...I can hardly remember what that was!
Do I REALLY need to talk to him? Was it all part of my imagination? I had him sitting with me for hours...and all I could do was cuddle, giggle, laugh, tickle...and enjoy.
I suppose there is nothing wrong with that...but I know where that leads. That leads to my frustration...my tears...my uncertainty and doubt.
I have recently come to the conclusion that I am overwhelmed with an unreasonable amount of doubt. Even if someone is showing me in EVERY way that they like and care for me...I'll still be uncertain unless it's verbally stated somehow. I think..."Well, maybe I just imagined it. I could be misinterpreting the signals. Probably all in my head."
That's not normal is it? Probably not.
All I know is that I love him. In ways that I have never loved...which may sound strange, but believe me, for I only speak the truth.
I love him like the Sun loves the horizon.
I love him like the Stars love the endless blue of space.
I love him like the Ocean loves the Moon...reaching endlessly, releasing waves and tides of passion and longing.
All this love for Michael ironically makes me want to talk to Sean. I almost feel like he's my mentor in a way. He always knew how to keep me stable and afloat when I was sinking into the depths within myself. I know that he'd have advice for me. He'd know how to balance me...tell me how to deal...or what I should do....or instill the courage in me that I so desperately need to continue on with my life as he so obviously has.
But unfortunately, I won't have that chance. It'll just be me...trying to do it alone. How can the water be it's own rock? Water has to be contained & molded within something...
How do I sustain myself and find the courage on my own?
The courage to say what I don't even remember I wanted to say?