I am from over two years of mental, emotional and physical anguish after the worst two days of my twenty-three years of life- 12/2-12-3, 2005. This whole part sounds awkward to me. Even the way the dates are written is weird. Hmm, I might try... I am from the 2nd and 3rd of December 2005, over two years of mental, emotional and physical anguish after the worst two days of my life. However you rearrange this, you want this to be so strong that there's no possible way the reader will forget this line. It's the start of this poem, of this experience you're speaking about.
I am from agonizing hours in the hospital, facing the reality of the situation and forcing myself to email my parents since the idea of voicing what happened aloud again made me literally sick to my stomach.
I don't know why, but "email" irks me. Could you go with "write"? I know it gives a bit of a different impression, but...
I am from sleepless days, nights with the lights on, horrible nightmares and the after-shock that follows.
Perfect.
I am from finally crying myself into a state of exhaustion, falling asleep upright on the couch (the only way that I can) and waking up, only to realize that this isn't a bad dream, this is now my life after what happened.
Suggestion: "I am from finally crying myself into exhaustion, falling asleep upright on the couch, and waking up only to realize that this isn't a bad dream, this is now my life." Because this has a sequence of crying/sleeping/waking, I think that the parenthesis and the extended explanations get the reader confused from the sequence that's happening. It made it seem like a lot of different things, instead of just this focused string of events. I guess you could add the parenthesis part in (but I wonder how necessary that is to the overall relevance of the poem?), but that would be about it before I started to get confused again.
I am from endless nights trembling in fear, crying for hours at a time and watching the clock change/alarm going off/ "have i slept- did I sleep?" and overall dreading facing a new day (for weeks at a time).
Same deal for this. The "/" and the quotes and the parenthesis throw me off from where I should be focused. I would just focus on one of these things (I'm gonna say the alarm, because your last sentence talked about sleeping on the couch, and this would be about waking up.) Try: I am from endless nights trembling in fear, watching the alarm going off, wondering if I even slept, and dreading the idea of a new day (for weeks at a time).
I am from days at a time on the couch (with or without sleeping), days on end without eating and forcing myself to run outside until the pain in my aching and throbbing muscles takes over the emptiness that I feel inside.
Now that the reader knows about the sleeplessness, this line should focus on the things you force yourself to do, to eliminate the emotional pain. Like, "I am from days on end starving myself and forcing myself to run outside until the aching and throbbing in my muscles overtakes the emptiness that I feel inside."
I am from the realization that not only were 12/2- 12/3, 2005 the worst days of my life, but also only the beginning of the worst, most awful two years, three months, seven days and counting....
Again, the presentation of those numbers is weird. "not only were December 2nd and 3rd, 2005 the worst..." or "not only were the 2nd and 3rd of December 2005 the worst..." Other than that, this line is focused and it drives home the point.
I am from counting calories, analyzing the scale, and the mirror becoming both my worst enemy and my closest friend.
This line should be moved up a little so that it's next to the other one about running and not eating.
I am from pretending I'm happy so often that the actual moments when I catch myself faking a laugh or a smile become even more depressing since I can't remember the last time that I actually felt okay about myself.
I am from over two years of mental, emotional and physical anguish after the worst two days of my twenty-three years of life- 12/2-12-3, 2005.
This whole part sounds awkward to me. Even the way the dates are written is weird. Hmm, I might try... I am from the 2nd and 3rd of December 2005, over two years of mental, emotional and physical anguish after the worst two days of my life. However you rearrange this, you want this to be so strong that there's no possible way the reader will forget this line. It's the start of this poem, of this experience you're speaking about.
I am from agonizing hours in the hospital, facing the reality of the situation and forcing myself to email my parents since the idea of voicing what happened aloud again made me literally sick to my stomach.
I don't know why, but "email" irks me. Could you go with "write"? I know it gives a bit of a different impression, but...
I am from sleepless days, nights with the lights on, horrible nightmares and the after-shock that follows.
Perfect.
I am from finally crying myself into a state of exhaustion, falling asleep upright on the couch (the only way that I can) and waking up, only to realize that this isn't a bad dream, this is now my life after what happened.
Suggestion: "I am from finally crying myself into exhaustion, falling asleep upright on the couch, and waking up only to realize that this isn't a bad dream, this is now my life." Because this has a sequence of crying/sleeping/waking, I think that the parenthesis and the extended explanations get the reader confused from the sequence that's happening. It made it seem like a lot of different things, instead of just this focused string of events. I guess you could add the parenthesis part in (but I wonder how necessary that is to the overall relevance of the poem?), but that would be about it before I started to get confused again.
I am from endless nights trembling in fear, crying for hours at a time and watching the clock change/alarm going off/ "have i slept- did I sleep?" and overall dreading facing a new day (for weeks at a time).
Same deal for this. The "/" and the quotes and the parenthesis throw me off from where I should be focused. I would just focus on one of these things (I'm gonna say the alarm, because your last sentence talked about sleeping on the couch, and this would be about waking up.) Try: I am from endless nights trembling in fear, watching the alarm going off, wondering if I even slept, and dreading the idea of a new day (for weeks at a time).
I am from days at a time on the couch (with or without sleeping), days on end without eating and forcing myself to run outside until the pain in my aching and throbbing muscles takes over the emptiness that I feel inside.
Now that the reader knows about the sleeplessness, this line should focus on the things you force yourself to do, to eliminate the emotional pain. Like, "I am from days on end starving myself and forcing myself to run outside until the aching and throbbing in my muscles overtakes the emptiness that I feel inside."
I am from the realization that not only were 12/2- 12/3, 2005 the worst days of my life, but also only the beginning of the worst, most awful two years, three months, seven days and counting....
Again, the presentation of those numbers is weird. "not only were December 2nd and 3rd, 2005 the worst..." or "not only were the 2nd and 3rd of December 2005 the worst..." Other than that, this line is focused and it drives home the point.
I am from counting calories, analyzing the scale, and the mirror becoming both my worst enemy and my closest friend.
This line should be moved up a little so that it's next to the other one about running and not eating.
I am from pretending I'm happy so often that the actual moments when I catch myself faking a laugh or a smile become even more depressing since I can't remember the last time that I actually felt okay about myself.
Man, that hurts to read that.
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