(no subject)
So, this whole thing is going to seem like one big jumbled mess, but I assure you with my most whole-hearted of homo promises that somewhere deep inside of me, it makes perfect sense.
Mylife is so surreal right now. Im so discontented with everything. I want my life to be a storybook. Discernable beginning, middle, end. Once upon a time, (insert middle), Happily ever after. Something along those lines at least. In all fairness, everyone's had their "Once upon a time". Fate is blind and generous to all. It's the middle, the portion of my life being written right here and now by whatever powers that be if any, that's getting all vague.
I want to live life in an amazing manner. This should be easy to understand. Do you ever meet those amazing people who just have a golden aura around them. They exude perfection. They walk, talk, and act beautifully; they know exactly how to put people at ease with themselves. they always seem to be gorging in amazing undertakings of relatively grandiose proportions. Sort of makes your triumph in "living through the day" look sort of meager in comparison.
I suppose I just feel as though there's so much more that I could and should be doing right now. Likewise, there are so many more beautiful things that could and should be happening to me. The most perverse, disgusting, vulgar thought of all is thus: when im elderly and decrepid, sitting on my rocking chair doing my needlepoint (which is what us old queers do with age), Ill look back on ly life and see that it was speant treading in mediocrity. I want to do fantastic things; good and bad alike. I want to permeate myself with dream-like reality; things that can only happen to the most amazing of the amazing people.
I want my happily ever after, dammit. I know it's corny, cheesey, unrealistic, naive, faggy, stupid, and wholely unintelligent, but it's what I want. We all have crazy things that we want; this is mine. I want to blindly live my life in the spotlight. Living fantastically without knowing that people are watching me and wishing their lives were just like mine.
I want beauty, of the external and internal sorts. I want to be beautiful, know beautiful people, live beautifully. An exact 67.8% of my body is telling me that it's all a pipedream, but there's still that one little 32.2% chord of hope that we call human nature that's holding out for something better.
Anyway, Im done with the melodrama and histrionics. Im just bored with life, and this how im chosing to lash out about it. im sorry about how weirdly this must have read.
By the way, what happened to Marty518?
I had a hectic and unrelaxing fallbreak
Hope everyone is well
Give me a call
though you probably won't
chris
Mylife is so surreal right now. Im so discontented with everything. I want my life to be a storybook. Discernable beginning, middle, end. Once upon a time, (insert middle), Happily ever after. Something along those lines at least. In all fairness, everyone's had their "Once upon a time". Fate is blind and generous to all. It's the middle, the portion of my life being written right here and now by whatever powers that be if any, that's getting all vague.
I want to live life in an amazing manner. This should be easy to understand. Do you ever meet those amazing people who just have a golden aura around them. They exude perfection. They walk, talk, and act beautifully; they know exactly how to put people at ease with themselves. they always seem to be gorging in amazing undertakings of relatively grandiose proportions. Sort of makes your triumph in "living through the day" look sort of meager in comparison.
I suppose I just feel as though there's so much more that I could and should be doing right now. Likewise, there are so many more beautiful things that could and should be happening to me. The most perverse, disgusting, vulgar thought of all is thus: when im elderly and decrepid, sitting on my rocking chair doing my needlepoint (which is what us old queers do with age), Ill look back on ly life and see that it was speant treading in mediocrity. I want to do fantastic things; good and bad alike. I want to permeate myself with dream-like reality; things that can only happen to the most amazing of the amazing people.
I want my happily ever after, dammit. I know it's corny, cheesey, unrealistic, naive, faggy, stupid, and wholely unintelligent, but it's what I want. We all have crazy things that we want; this is mine. I want to blindly live my life in the spotlight. Living fantastically without knowing that people are watching me and wishing their lives were just like mine.
I want beauty, of the external and internal sorts. I want to be beautiful, know beautiful people, live beautifully. An exact 67.8% of my body is telling me that it's all a pipedream, but there's still that one little 32.2% chord of hope that we call human nature that's holding out for something better.
Anyway, Im done with the melodrama and histrionics. Im just bored with life, and this how im chosing to lash out about it. im sorry about how weirdly this must have read.
By the way, what happened to Marty518?
I had a hectic and unrelaxing fallbreak
Hope everyone is well
Give me a call
though you probably won't
chris