Double Damn!
The past few days I have been looking really good, I have finally mastered walking in my blue wedge heels. I know it probably sounds funny but I haven't worn heels of any kind since maybe over 5 years ago. I actually walk better in them than I do my regular sandals that I had gotten two years ago. My dad came back home from being in Louisiana for a week and I had on one of those peasant skirts with a black and white flower shirt and my blue wedge heels. When we went out for lunch and I got out of the car he sounded like he was going to say something bad and my mom was already interjecting and he said "I was just going to say she looks really good! Where is she going later?" and I kinda laughed to myself because you know it must be pretty drastic if my dad notices...he rarely ever compliments me, it was a nice change. So anyways my mom and I had to go to Olivia's dance later that day and since we took my car I took my I-pod and the adapter and when I got out the car I had unplugged the I-pod and stuck it back in my purse and stuck my keys in as well, then I zipped up my purse and my mom and I went into the gym and watched all the kids dance. I stood in those freaking wedges for over an hour! There was a song that came on called "Ice Cream and Cake" and the kids were doing some kind of corny choreography that one of the teachers was leading them in. I zoomed in on this kid in a gray t-shirt that was chubby, and I told Olivia when we got home that he was dancing like he was going to get some cake and ice cream when the song was over. His blubber was moving all over the place! I usually try not to pick on kids that are chubby but if you saw him you would have laughed too. Moving on, when we left I unzipped my purse to get my keys out and I pulled out my I-pod ear buds and I stuff them back in and walk to the car. When we get in the car I look in my purse to get my I-pod plugged back in and of course it's not there. My mom had Olivia and her friend get out the car and look on the ground for it on their way back into the school and then report it missing to one of the teachers. They came back and said the teacher seemed to blow them off so my mom went in and told them to be on the lookout and she looked for it on her way out too. When we got home I checked the floor of the car and of course it wasn't there. I told my mom maybe I didn't get it in my purse like I thought and it fell out on my way in and someone picked it up. So now I need a new fucking I-pod cause it's one of my coping mechanisms that I learned about in therapy. My second one is reading and I am just too upset to read, after that is my sims game and writing. I am just too pissed to focus though.
Anyways Olivia keeps talking about this boy at school she likes and he is really short...shorter than her. She was telling me he had a brother and I said I bet he was short too. Olivia was like "Uh...yeah kinda..." Then I said "You see me in these wedges? I think they put me at a total height of 5'7" I need a guy who is taller than me when I wear these so that is a minimum of 5'9" and even that is too short for my taste." Then Olivia rolls her eyes and says "Good luck looking for that guy, you'll never find him." Then I tell her I just want a tall guy, looks don't really matter to me. Now this is the part that kind of made me feel bad/stupid...pretty much she told it like it was and it stabbed me in my gut. She asks me what the chances are of me finding a tall, caring, funny, loving guy. I sit there for a quick second and automatically say "I did find one..." and she just gave me this priceless look, and then she looks down and shakes her head. When she looks back at me she says "Obviously he wasn't loving...he left."
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Wow...I still feel like I got punched in my gut when I think of how she said that. It's really sad that she could see that and say it and she is only 10. Sometimes she has these ultimate moments of clarity, I remember how I told her Brian said I could be hot when I wasn't mad and she asked "So when you are mad are you supposed to still look pretty? That's hard to do if you're really mad, that's like saying you have to be pretty all the time even if you don't feel like it." Anyways I am straying from the topic...so then I say he didn't leave because he didn't care, he left because he was scared. She just kinda nods at me and says "That could be true..." Now of course I feel like a real idiot because I honestly don't know if that was really the reason he left. I know it wasn't because I was getting "too attached" because I had to explain to him once again that I had told him my feelings after we broke up the first time and yet he still chose to resume the relationship. Of course the blame was placed on me for that too because I kept needing a "label" and I never got to say my piece because he got offline. This of course occurred on the day I had a mango mojito and 3/4 of a bottle of wine since my mom doesn't like red wine but didn't know how to put the cork back in the bottle. So what do I do since I didn't get my say? Write a drunken letter of course! I stuck it in the Hottopic bag that I gave him the next day with a Transformers t-shirt in it. I have no idea if he has read it yet but I really hope he does. It is alot of truth in it and he was always asking for honesty...so I gave it. It wasn't nearly as mean as my myspace blog that I posted that I felt totally awful about to this day for posting...but still I said what I needed to.
Anyways Olivia keeps talking about this boy at school she likes and he is really short...shorter than her. She was telling me he had a brother and I said I bet he was short too. Olivia was like "Uh...yeah kinda..." Then I said "You see me in these wedges? I think they put me at a total height of 5'7" I need a guy who is taller than me when I wear these so that is a minimum of 5'9" and even that is too short for my taste." Then Olivia rolls her eyes and says "Good luck looking for that guy, you'll never find him." Then I tell her I just want a tall guy, looks don't really matter to me. Now this is the part that kind of made me feel bad/stupid...pretty much she told it like it was and it stabbed me in my gut. She asks me what the chances are of me finding a tall, caring, funny, loving guy. I sit there for a quick second and automatically say "I did find one..." and she just gave me this priceless look, and then she looks down and shakes her head. When she looks back at me she says "Obviously he wasn't loving...he left."
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Wow...I still feel like I got punched in my gut when I think of how she said that. It's really sad that she could see that and say it and she is only 10. Sometimes she has these ultimate moments of clarity, I remember how I told her Brian said I could be hot when I wasn't mad and she asked "So when you are mad are you supposed to still look pretty? That's hard to do if you're really mad, that's like saying you have to be pretty all the time even if you don't feel like it." Anyways I am straying from the topic...so then I say he didn't leave because he didn't care, he left because he was scared. She just kinda nods at me and says "That could be true..." Now of course I feel like a real idiot because I honestly don't know if that was really the reason he left. I know it wasn't because I was getting "too attached" because I had to explain to him once again that I had told him my feelings after we broke up the first time and yet he still chose to resume the relationship. Of course the blame was placed on me for that too because I kept needing a "label" and I never got to say my piece because he got offline. This of course occurred on the day I had a mango mojito and 3/4 of a bottle of wine since my mom doesn't like red wine but didn't know how to put the cork back in the bottle. So what do I do since I didn't get my say? Write a drunken letter of course! I stuck it in the Hottopic bag that I gave him the next day with a Transformers t-shirt in it. I have no idea if he has read it yet but I really hope he does. It is alot of truth in it and he was always asking for honesty...so I gave it. It wasn't nearly as mean as my myspace blog that I posted that I felt totally awful about to this day for posting...but still I said what I needed to.