What Is Love...?
I know what it means to be IN LOVE. Or at least I have some kind of idea, to me being in love means you can't live without the other person. It's when you wake up everyday and feel like a part of you is missing if that other person isn't there with you, you would give your life for this person if you had to and if you were apart for too long you would feel like you couldn't breathe...
That's what being in love to me sounds like. I know I am not IN LOVE...but I do love him. By this I mean I love the person he is and I am able to accept him for who he is. I love the things he says and does for/to me, I love his personality, I love his honesty and his devotion. Not like he's crazy devoted or anything, he just pays attention. How many guys do you know, including you father can tell when you're having a bad day just by the sound of your "hello" on the phone? So I know I love him but I am not in love. So if I say that do I sound crazy? Well I know one thing is for sure, my mom is making me feel like I am still a child for saying things that I should probably just start keeping to myself. Usually I feel like I can tell her anything but I guess I swung and missed with this one. I know I have had my ups and downs with my emotions when it came to him but even when I was pissed and on the edge I still couldn't get him off my mind, I still cared about what was going on with him. Now of course I can't just say this and not explain how I got myself into this mess.
We were at JoAnns and there is this huge sale going on cause they are moving locations, anyways they have this display of Valentines Day cards at the front of the store, my mom picks some up and reads them for my dad. I look through to see if there is something I can get, because I am past having a crush after all. I pick up a card and without thinking I ask my mom if the card was okay. I always do that, with any card I get. Almost as soon as she gets it I am thinking "OH NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TAKE THAT BACK!" (yes I do have multiple voices in my head that talk to me, but that's normal for someone like me). I forget exactly what it says but the end part says I love you...like a Valentines day card would say. Then my mom looks at me and says "Do you love this boy? How long have you been dating?"
*NEVER IGNORE THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD THAT SCREAM NOOOO! SHUT UP DUMB-ASS!*
Well, my dumb ass says "Duh, I can't believe you can't tell..." then she kind of skitters away from me and a couple of minutes later she says "Maybe we should have let you date sooner, that way you would know how to separate your feelings. This is every parent's worst fear, that the child will be taken advantage of. I think you guys are moving too fast, and if you are moving this fast you will just burn out quicker." She goes on this whole rant for like 10 minutes in the store. So I finally just tell her that I'm not IN LOVE with him, and maybe I am jumping the gun...but I have known him for a year. Then she asks how could I come to this conclusion just by knowing someone and I tell her...I am not in love with him. This gets her to calm down a little, but the thing I wonder about is how does anyone know if they really love someone and if they do is it just a kind of love that comes with caring for someone? Or is the devotional kind of love, like the blind kind of love where there's no questions asked...you just trust and have faith. I know it's not the second one because I rarely have faith in myself which is kinda funny since my name means hope. *Sorry have to take a minute and laugh at the irony*
I just want to know if what I am saying makes sense...or am I as dumb as my mom believes me to be? It's not like the people who say they are in love are doing any better with their love life than I am anyways! So I don't really understand how people can sit there and pass judgment on me, but since they are I might as well get some other opinions while I am getting ones I don't want.
That's what being in love to me sounds like. I know I am not IN LOVE...but I do love him. By this I mean I love the person he is and I am able to accept him for who he is. I love the things he says and does for/to me, I love his personality, I love his honesty and his devotion. Not like he's crazy devoted or anything, he just pays attention. How many guys do you know, including you father can tell when you're having a bad day just by the sound of your "hello" on the phone? So I know I love him but I am not in love. So if I say that do I sound crazy? Well I know one thing is for sure, my mom is making me feel like I am still a child for saying things that I should probably just start keeping to myself. Usually I feel like I can tell her anything but I guess I swung and missed with this one. I know I have had my ups and downs with my emotions when it came to him but even when I was pissed and on the edge I still couldn't get him off my mind, I still cared about what was going on with him. Now of course I can't just say this and not explain how I got myself into this mess.
We were at JoAnns and there is this huge sale going on cause they are moving locations, anyways they have this display of Valentines Day cards at the front of the store, my mom picks some up and reads them for my dad. I look through to see if there is something I can get, because I am past having a crush after all. I pick up a card and without thinking I ask my mom if the card was okay. I always do that, with any card I get. Almost as soon as she gets it I am thinking "OH NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TAKE THAT BACK!" (yes I do have multiple voices in my head that talk to me, but that's normal for someone like me). I forget exactly what it says but the end part says I love you...like a Valentines day card would say. Then my mom looks at me and says "Do you love this boy? How long have you been dating?"
*NEVER IGNORE THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD THAT SCREAM NOOOO! SHUT UP DUMB-ASS!*
Well, my dumb ass says "Duh, I can't believe you can't tell..." then she kind of skitters away from me and a couple of minutes later she says "Maybe we should have let you date sooner, that way you would know how to separate your feelings. This is every parent's worst fear, that the child will be taken advantage of. I think you guys are moving too fast, and if you are moving this fast you will just burn out quicker." She goes on this whole rant for like 10 minutes in the store. So I finally just tell her that I'm not IN LOVE with him, and maybe I am jumping the gun...but I have known him for a year. Then she asks how could I come to this conclusion just by knowing someone and I tell her...I am not in love with him. This gets her to calm down a little, but the thing I wonder about is how does anyone know if they really love someone and if they do is it just a kind of love that comes with caring for someone? Or is the devotional kind of love, like the blind kind of love where there's no questions asked...you just trust and have faith. I know it's not the second one because I rarely have faith in myself which is kinda funny since my name means hope. *Sorry have to take a minute and laugh at the irony*
I just want to know if what I am saying makes sense...or am I as dumb as my mom believes me to be? It's not like the people who say they are in love are doing any better with their love life than I am anyways! So I don't really understand how people can sit there and pass judgment on me, but since they are I might as well get some other opinions while I am getting ones I don't want.