no news, no news...
my life has been pretty chaotic lately. no news about my grandma other than that it's a positive on cancer. everywhere. her breast, her back, her bones, the outside of her skull. she's already started some kind of chemo. we're just waiting to her what type of cancer and how treatable it is. i'm scared. she's 87 years old and she's already got osteoperosis (sp?). and no one told me what i just told you about the cancer. last i heard anything she MIGHT have cancer in her back and if she did, she didn't want treatment. i pieced together the rest from overhearing things. i don't know if i'm mad about that or not. i haven't been asking questions because i'm not sure i want to know. it just seems unreal. sometimes when i see her she's exactly herself, you can't tell she sick at all. and then sometimes she looks like she's hurting.
outside of that i'm balancing drumline, dance class, drum lessons, 4 ap classes, and college applications. (i WAS studying for the sat too, but that's FINALLY over) it sucks. i'm worried about paying for college. my mom keeps talking about getting a second job but she's stressed ALL the time with just one. plus she's go so much on her plate with grandma being sick. plus my brother just started middle school in the ib program and is NOT doing well at all. all of our lives are a mess right now. my dad is the only one who seems like he's getting by alright.
on the flip side, i just had a completely amazing weekend. the west football game was the most fun i've had in band all year (it was the first line we ran into that was worse than us). it was just a good time. THEN i got the stupid freaking sat out of the way and got to go crazy last night! willa's parents ACTUALLY let me drive her places! we had the best time with that. we got lost a million times but all in all it was amazing. i saw campbell at tremont... freaking awesome show. then we went to fuel pizza and had a blast there (natalie drew this awesome picture of us on a paper plate and hung it up, after the two dudes i met wrote inspiring messages in the dirt on my car). and then me and willa came home and made cookies and all but passed out in my floor. that was a lot of 'thens.'
also on a positive note, recently i've realized i'm getting farther along the way of moving on from the ridiculously horrible relationships i've been caught up in the last few months. not that i wasn't already over the people i was in those relationships with. trust me, i can't stand them, i don't want them back and i'm sorry to have wasted my time with them. it was just the anger of them pretending to care, pretending to be who they weren't, and the way they treat me now. it made me sick of the whole idea of relationships and selfconcious when it came to my judgement of character. but now, besides having way to much on my plate to worry about THEM, i'm starting to see certain guys differently. one's that i've known, ones that i've just met. it just nice to be around said boys and find them fun and funny and cute and interesting and not once have other said boys cross my mind. none of my interests are gonna go anywhere. maybe i'm ok with that because in the grand scheme of things, if this helps me move on, i don't care if nothing happens between me and whoever.
that's about all i gotta say about life in general. i don't think anybody reads these anymore.
love you guys ♥.
outside of that i'm balancing drumline, dance class, drum lessons, 4 ap classes, and college applications. (i WAS studying for the sat too, but that's FINALLY over) it sucks. i'm worried about paying for college. my mom keeps talking about getting a second job but she's stressed ALL the time with just one. plus she's go so much on her plate with grandma being sick. plus my brother just started middle school in the ib program and is NOT doing well at all. all of our lives are a mess right now. my dad is the only one who seems like he's getting by alright.
on the flip side, i just had a completely amazing weekend. the west football game was the most fun i've had in band all year (it was the first line we ran into that was worse than us). it was just a good time. THEN i got the stupid freaking sat out of the way and got to go crazy last night! willa's parents ACTUALLY let me drive her places! we had the best time with that. we got lost a million times but all in all it was amazing. i saw campbell at tremont... freaking awesome show. then we went to fuel pizza and had a blast there (natalie drew this awesome picture of us on a paper plate and hung it up, after the two dudes i met wrote inspiring messages in the dirt on my car). and then me and willa came home and made cookies and all but passed out in my floor. that was a lot of 'thens.'
also on a positive note, recently i've realized i'm getting farther along the way of moving on from the ridiculously horrible relationships i've been caught up in the last few months. not that i wasn't already over the people i was in those relationships with. trust me, i can't stand them, i don't want them back and i'm sorry to have wasted my time with them. it was just the anger of them pretending to care, pretending to be who they weren't, and the way they treat me now. it made me sick of the whole idea of relationships and selfconcious when it came to my judgement of character. but now, besides having way to much on my plate to worry about THEM, i'm starting to see certain guys differently. one's that i've known, ones that i've just met. it just nice to be around said boys and find them fun and funny and cute and interesting and not once have other said boys cross my mind. none of my interests are gonna go anywhere. maybe i'm ok with that because in the grand scheme of things, if this helps me move on, i don't care if nothing happens between me and whoever.
that's about all i gotta say about life in general. i don't think anybody reads these anymore.
love you guys ♥.