auburn
well im back at auburn...pre rush is over and it all begins tomorrow...so far ive hung out with a few new people which has been good but I still feel kind of awkward. the whole rush thing is actually kinda stressing me out...it shouldnt but it is....and its partly bec of something i never promsied to do but a certain person apparently thought i did and now im dissapointed and frustateda nd feel very left out and frustrated and annoyed...ihonestly just dont feel like i fit in...and noone is provingme different....i just had a long conversation with a friend of mine who helpd me think through some things....as much as this sorority means to me and meant to mary shaffer and everything i just sometimes think about what would happen if i had done something differet. so many things actually.
i would have been more active, made more friends as superficial as this sounds, i would have dressed cuter and acted more bubbly and fake....as much as aopi tries to appear to be "down to earth" they really do think appearance is everything and apparently i dont meet the requirements. if i knew somone was reading this i woudld go into detais about it. basically though, after 3 straight days of pre rush, i get to participate in less than half of it. i apprenlty suppsedly promised lindsay to help her with applications and stuff in the back and not be at the parties...i wish i hadnt done that and i wish i had just said no....i dont think its because im organized likke she said.i honestly think its because im not very pretty and not the smartest person in the world, and really just dont meet the requirements that aopi has and the only reason im here is bc of my sister and aopi might not be for me.
im reallt just thinking to myself because i need to get some of this out of my system. as much as i could open up to caitlin and talk to her about it bec she knew what ws going on, i really didnt tell her everything and honestly as stupid as this is, my feelings are hurt. i dont feel like i can trust some of these peop;le i dont feel like this is for me and i feel as if im a disgrace and unwanted by the sorority. i think we would all be better off if i werent in ti... i dont want to do that though. i like saying im in aopi, i likke wearing my letters, but i just want to know honestly, since sisters are supposed to be honest, what they think of me. and i want to be able tofit in and feel better about myself. right now its not looking so great. and if im palnnng on bringing my gpa up, my involvement might go down even more...that kinda sucks and ruins the whole "make new friends thing"
i think i shoud have been wiser on the roomate decision too....the one i have is great nad its givng me the opportunity to live on the hall and a chance to meet people. but if thats not ogign to happen and every time i try to meet new people, i get shot down, then shouldi have lived in the apartment i wanted to with my old roomate and her friends and girls i knew from her church?
should i not have done rush? or come to auburn? did i make the right decision. i mean im trying t oget involved...webmaster is not a big deal and yeh its new office and noone else wnated it, but at least im trying to start there....idk im just frustrated...and rambling....
wish i knew when my roomate would be back so icould make a time for a shower tomorrow morning before the hwole morning starts.
like thats gonna happen. again..that brings me to the whole awkward thing...dang...i really wish i coudl figure some of this out. serioulsy
okay well maybe il give it another shot. maybe it wont suck completely. maybe.
well i guess im going to bed. whoever even read this god bless you and hopefully things are going well for you.
i would have been more active, made more friends as superficial as this sounds, i would have dressed cuter and acted more bubbly and fake....as much as aopi tries to appear to be "down to earth" they really do think appearance is everything and apparently i dont meet the requirements. if i knew somone was reading this i woudld go into detais about it. basically though, after 3 straight days of pre rush, i get to participate in less than half of it. i apprenlty suppsedly promised lindsay to help her with applications and stuff in the back and not be at the parties...i wish i hadnt done that and i wish i had just said no....i dont think its because im organized likke she said.i honestly think its because im not very pretty and not the smartest person in the world, and really just dont meet the requirements that aopi has and the only reason im here is bc of my sister and aopi might not be for me.
im reallt just thinking to myself because i need to get some of this out of my system. as much as i could open up to caitlin and talk to her about it bec she knew what ws going on, i really didnt tell her everything and honestly as stupid as this is, my feelings are hurt. i dont feel like i can trust some of these peop;le i dont feel like this is for me and i feel as if im a disgrace and unwanted by the sorority. i think we would all be better off if i werent in ti... i dont want to do that though. i like saying im in aopi, i likke wearing my letters, but i just want to know honestly, since sisters are supposed to be honest, what they think of me. and i want to be able tofit in and feel better about myself. right now its not looking so great. and if im palnnng on bringing my gpa up, my involvement might go down even more...that kinda sucks and ruins the whole "make new friends thing"
i think i shoud have been wiser on the roomate decision too....the one i have is great nad its givng me the opportunity to live on the hall and a chance to meet people. but if thats not ogign to happen and every time i try to meet new people, i get shot down, then shouldi have lived in the apartment i wanted to with my old roomate and her friends and girls i knew from her church?
should i not have done rush? or come to auburn? did i make the right decision. i mean im trying t oget involved...webmaster is not a big deal and yeh its new office and noone else wnated it, but at least im trying to start there....idk im just frustrated...and rambling....
wish i knew when my roomate would be back so icould make a time for a shower tomorrow morning before the hwole morning starts.
like thats gonna happen. again..that brings me to the whole awkward thing...dang...i really wish i coudl figure some of this out. serioulsy
okay well maybe il give it another shot. maybe it wont suck completely. maybe.
well i guess im going to bed. whoever even read this god bless you and hopefully things are going well for you.