(no subject)
so I just got back from Bham a couple of hours ago and I worked a little on my paper but im honestly just at a point this year and in general, in my life, where i just dont think I can go on anymore. Like I honestly cant do it. I try my hardest and work really hard and I get nothing for it. From working on the website and ealing with ceratin paople who have certain authority over it to working my ass of in calculus and still getting a D and having to gap a class 2nd semester freshmen year-pathetic i know. Mary Shaffer NEVER had to gap a class and never did anything wrong or stupid. I hate being compared to older siblings and i hate trying and failing...its very discouraging. Im finally getting a few good friends in aopi and everything and that area is actually going okay right now...but in other ares, not so much...im still single, very much single and dont like it. I need someone to take care of me I need a guy who will love me. I dont get that feeling very often. Ive gained weight and this summer is not going to help. im working at a daycare but who knows how much food ill eat. Hopefully ill start going to curves and just obsessivly exercise everyday so i can get back down to a weight im actually happy with and a body i actually like. that is, if i surive the last two weeks of school. honestly i dont know if i can do that. i relaly just dont think ican make it. i really just want to quit. to end to make it all go away and whenever i do that, all i do is just act like i dont care, i only end up being more stressed out because i end up freaking out about it and owrrying about it. i just wish i had done better this year and im really dissapointed in myself. I feel like ive let my parents down and ive definitley let myself down. I should have done somethign else with my life. I still have no idea what im good at. Like i know i like children but i honestly dont htink that I will be happy teaching kindergarten for the rest of my life and having noone to support me. I dont think thats a possibility.....i just dont know....
At this point, considering the O amount of ppl who read this, I dont think anyone would notice or care if I did something and ust wasnt around anymore. I mean if i just stopped calling peopel and trtying to make plans or I stopped going to class or stopped going to aopi stuff or stopped trying to try to fit in.
guess we will just have to find out.
not that anyone cares what i think, but i hope exams go well and everything is ok for you.
At this point, considering the O amount of ppl who read this, I dont think anyone would notice or care if I did something and ust wasnt around anymore. I mean if i just stopped calling peopel and trtying to make plans or I stopped going to class or stopped going to aopi stuff or stopped trying to try to fit in.
guess we will just have to find out.
not that anyone cares what i think, but i hope exams go well and everything is ok for you.