BAHHHHHH!

[i_have_scabies]

i'm drowning in worry. so the story goes, i have filthy lazy gross boy inconsiderate roomates. i've been upset about and affected by the state of the apartment all semester since they moved in. it hasn't been pretty. After an extremely stressful tornado of a finals week, the house was wrecked but we all left for the holidays in a blurry hurry without cleaning. Two days before i was supposed to be back from chicago i got a call from my landlord saying that our water heater had broken and was leaking into the apartment below us and that he was coming into our apartment the next morning and that it better be clean. !! !!!!!!! !! then he proceeded to lay into me harshly about how our place looked a month ago when he came to fix something. he insulted me too. i was very upset. very very upset. then i got a call the next morning as he was walking through our filthy apartment, listing off all of the things that he was pissed about. he was ready to throw us out then and there but i begged him for an opportunity to get things cleaned up, which he begrudgingly agreed to saying that he would be back in one week to inspect. fuck me. i've been cleaning for two days now, the back room is done, the cooridor is done, my bathroom is done. The kitchen is half done. i still have to finish the dishes and mop the kitchen, clean out the desk area, organize the art room, dust and vaccum the living room, and clean my room. i might break down and clean t and v's bathroom just because knowing how filthy it is pisses me off and stresses me out. this whole situation pisses me off and stresses me out, i've been cleaning and cursing them all day. i'm losing sleep over the situation, it's almost 4 am, weed hardly even helps. i'm fucking mad, and the more i clean, and the more i think over the whole situation the more pissed i get. i'm already an emotional mess, but now i feel this crazy hostile negative energy and it's throwing me off. i need to do my peace and love meditation. to force myself into meditation when my mind won't shut up i just say to myself "i am full of peace and love" over and over and i won't let myself think any other thought. sometimes it chills me out. sometimes i end up writing blogs at 4 am on the computer cause i need to let it out man. FUCK. nobody wants to hear about this shit. i'm just going to be a twisted ball of stress until this is all over with. FUCK. i don't want to live with these boys anymore and i'm starting to dread them coming back, i mean, it's really going to piss me off when they start wreaking havoc on my newly cleaned apartment which i have been working my ass of on, and it's been really nice to clean a room, and leave it, and come back to it and it's still clean! nothing is sacred to the boys, it's like they don't even notice when i clean, and they immediately start undoing whatever it is i did. V walks in the door and sheds all his layers all over the middle of the floor and sprawled across the furniture and everywhere else, theres usually a trail of v droppings from the door to the living room, and thats only when he first walks in the door. then he proceeds to gut blunts all over the coffee table, throw his trash in my ashtray, eat a meal and leave his trash all over the floor. i'm serious. this is my fucking life. this was a mistake, because i didn't sign up to be mommy. basically it's like this, if i want t and v to clean i have to force them to do it, otherwise they are content to not only live in filth but to subject me to their filth as well. needless to say i'm mad and venting here. but i am going to have a huge ultimatum talk with them both, individually and all together when v gets home. i love these guys, they're good friends of mine, but i would never choose to live with them again. they haven't been good roommates and it strains the friendships. i'm ready to make some positive lifestyle changes and be an adult, and they are SO not there yet....which is really bad for me to be around all the time.
ugh. i love this apartment. if they moved out i'd have to have new roommates immediately to cover rent, which is no easy task, and moving out would be soooo fucking stressful, especially while going into my last semester of school. fuck! as a last resort i could move in with dan if i have to but his place is tiny for two people and i have a ton of shit. 80% of the furniture in this apartment is mine and this place is huge.
on a happier note, dan will be back saturday afternoon and i'm going to make a big deal out of it. i've missed him so much, and we're both anticipating seeing eachother again so much. i'm going to clean everything for him, make a big nice meal for us, have a fatty rolled up and ready to share, get the atmosphere going in the bedroom with candles and everything....shit, i might even shave my legs. it's the new year.