(no subject)

[i_have_died_4u]

I think I just screwed up real bad. I think that I upset Courtney, and I didnt try to upset her. I was being a dick though... I tried to get there in time for her break. I did get there but I had to get my car cause Jeremy wouldnt just stay for a half hour... so I went back to try and see her for a couple minutes... I tried with something so easy to do, be there at 7, and I ended up screwing up so bad. Then me being the asshole just stormed out when I was the one who screwed up. If I screw things this easy up then Im a terrible boyfriend. i have to be. Im so sorry for being such a dickhead, I didnt mean to be...

I hate it when Im upset, I couldve at least tried to be nicer when i was leaving but no, i was just a dick. GOD I HATE MYSELF, I HATE THE WAY THAT I ACT, I HATE WHAT I SAY. The only thing that I really have in life is Courtney to keep me sane and happy, and I almost feel like she'll be too pissed at me for my fuck up to forgive me. I dunno, I think like a fool when Im upset. i cant help it. Please dont be mad at me, I didnt mean to be an ass. Please...

Im going to end up crying my ugly tears of fear, Im a coward. Please dont get on my case, just try to help if whoever wants to talk to me, I dont need to hear whatever criticism I have coming to me

I love you Courtney, Im not upset with you, just upset at the way I acted. Im so sorry.