(no subject)
Boy, do I have a bad crush...
I've been meaning to update for a week now but everytime I start I erase everything again.
My mood is fluctuating between feeling great, feeling smug and feeling like shit, every other guitar part making me cry (I'm not why guitars make me cry and not, I don't know... the song in general?) and being angry because I'm angry and annoyed and because I'm failing and because of my ED, which I'd really like to swap for a different one, any takers? Although I'm not going back to the way I used to be, either. No way.
I think I'll post tomorrow again, because I want to write a few things down about the week in Belgium (and the concerts, but I didnt take any pictures) and the day in Holland and other personal shite. I know, I'm not a good fangirl anymore, or so it seems but that's only because there's not really anyone on my flist to share my euphoria about some things. Well, with Adorable I know one person maybe - yes Im looking at you there - but for the rest I get obsessed with too much randomness sometimes.
I'm going to try and bake a vegan cake now (with no recipe... as I do 50% of the time, sometimes they come out awesome, sometimes - uh, well, you can guess) and maybe I'm going to go to the cinema with my parents and friends of theirs (I still got this guy's Velvet Underground CD, I'm entirely sure he's forgotten that, as he gave it to me 5 years ago...). Let's just say this one thing: I'm so proud of myself. I managed to install all those shitty programs I needed on this computer. Well, not all yet, but still. You wouldn't believe how long it took to download the right version of the Media Monkey and to find the right plug in for last.fm. God, I miss the times when my father always knew what to do when I had a problem with the computer.
Also: How weird is it to imagine my brother riding an elephant? Very. To think he's in India right now. For half a year.
Oh yeah and to get back to my first sentence.
Damn virtually falling for someone. And don't tell me that's not the same as in real life. I know this. But it doesnt make the feeling less true. And I've lived through this once before. It was the same when we met.
Still. I mean, I don't even want to think about it too much. It's just. Whatever it is, it's nice to know he's thinking of me, too.
I need to stop being angry with me for that one, too. It's okay to like him, it is... (But something still makes me want to erase all this again, because it doesn't sound right)
I struggle for the words
and then give up....
I've been meaning to update for a week now but everytime I start I erase everything again.
My mood is fluctuating between feeling great, feeling smug and feeling like shit, every other guitar part making me cry (I'm not why guitars make me cry and not, I don't know... the song in general?) and being angry because I'm angry and annoyed and because I'm failing and because of my ED, which I'd really like to swap for a different one, any takers? Although I'm not going back to the way I used to be, either. No way.
I think I'll post tomorrow again, because I want to write a few things down about the week in Belgium (and the concerts, but I didnt take any pictures) and the day in Holland and other personal shite. I know, I'm not a good fangirl anymore, or so it seems but that's only because there's not really anyone on my flist to share my euphoria about some things. Well, with Adorable I know one person maybe - yes Im looking at you there - but for the rest I get obsessed with too much randomness sometimes.
I'm going to try and bake a vegan cake now (with no recipe... as I do 50% of the time, sometimes they come out awesome, sometimes - uh, well, you can guess) and maybe I'm going to go to the cinema with my parents and friends of theirs (I still got this guy's Velvet Underground CD, I'm entirely sure he's forgotten that, as he gave it to me 5 years ago...). Let's just say this one thing: I'm so proud of myself. I managed to install all those shitty programs I needed on this computer. Well, not all yet, but still. You wouldn't believe how long it took to download the right version of the Media Monkey and to find the right plug in for last.fm. God, I miss the times when my father always knew what to do when I had a problem with the computer.
Also: How weird is it to imagine my brother riding an elephant? Very. To think he's in India right now. For half a year.
Oh yeah and to get back to my first sentence.
Damn virtually falling for someone. And don't tell me that's not the same as in real life. I know this. But it doesnt make the feeling less true. And I've lived through this once before. It was the same when we met.
Still. I mean, I don't even want to think about it too much. It's just. Whatever it is, it's nice to know he's thinking of me, too.
I need to stop being angry with me for that one, too. It's okay to like him, it is... (But something still makes me want to erase all this again, because it doesn't sound right)
I struggle for the words
and then give up....