Awkward Pause
I practically had to fight back the tears as Angel stalked off to conduct his business with Wesley and Connor. I couldn’t believe that he’d been so unbelievably cold - couldn’t believe that he’d ever think that “forgot to mention it” would pass as an excuse when it came to something this big. Then again, Angel had been the only guy who’d ever really had the power to hurt me. I just couldn’t figure out why he’d want to.
So I turned my attention back to Spike, Spike being the one who stood in front of me looking all sheepish and love-stricken and translucently hot. “I missed you,” I whispered, the urge to reach out and touch him unbearable. I knew that if I could feel him, I’d know that this wasn’t a dream. But I remembered Willow’s ghost costume from that Halloween well enough to remember that my hand would go right through him. “I never stopped thinking about you or all the things I could have done differently that night.”
My little speech sounded eerily familiar, and I stopped, trying to remember. That’s when it hit me like a ten ton brick - if, in fact, I weren’t thinking figuratively and if bricks actually weighed ten tons - Spike had said practically the same thing when I came back.
Every night I save you.
Great. I rolled my eyes at myself. Stupid Buffy, saying sweet things to the guy who already said it to you. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks - it’s official. I’m an idiot. A really strong idiot. Think Lenny in Of Mice and Men, only short and blonde. Color me mentally challenged. Yikes, color me politically incorrect.
In any case, I’d never felt more confused about anything in my life. I’d finally accepted my unrequitable feelings for Angel and then Spike - walk-through-walls Spike, walks back into my life and my heart goes all poundy and I’m refusing to recognize walk-through-Buffy potential.
Not that it matters, because I’m swearing off relationships. Angel couldn’t care less about me, except in Slayer capacity and Spike and I certainly won’t be getting physical any time soon. I should go on a talk show.
For some reason, just as those thoughts are freighting through my head, another question bubbles up from out of nowhere and I look sharply at Spike.
“You - you died. Saving the world. You didn’t happen to get sucked out of heaven or anything, did you?”
So I turned my attention back to Spike, Spike being the one who stood in front of me looking all sheepish and love-stricken and translucently hot. “I missed you,” I whispered, the urge to reach out and touch him unbearable. I knew that if I could feel him, I’d know that this wasn’t a dream. But I remembered Willow’s ghost costume from that Halloween well enough to remember that my hand would go right through him. “I never stopped thinking about you or all the things I could have done differently that night.”
My little speech sounded eerily familiar, and I stopped, trying to remember. That’s when it hit me like a ten ton brick - if, in fact, I weren’t thinking figuratively and if bricks actually weighed ten tons - Spike had said practically the same thing when I came back.
Every night I save you.
Great. I rolled my eyes at myself. Stupid Buffy, saying sweet things to the guy who already said it to you. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks - it’s official. I’m an idiot. A really strong idiot. Think Lenny in Of Mice and Men, only short and blonde. Color me mentally challenged. Yikes, color me politically incorrect.
In any case, I’d never felt more confused about anything in my life. I’d finally accepted my unrequitable feelings for Angel and then Spike - walk-through-walls Spike, walks back into my life and my heart goes all poundy and I’m refusing to recognize walk-through-Buffy potential.
Not that it matters, because I’m swearing off relationships. Angel couldn’t care less about me, except in Slayer capacity and Spike and I certainly won’t be getting physical any time soon. I should go on a talk show.
For some reason, just as those thoughts are freighting through my head, another question bubbles up from out of nowhere and I look sharply at Spike.
“You - you died. Saving the world. You didn’t happen to get sucked out of heaven or anything, did you?”