(no subject)

[i_go_backwards]

I actually feeeeeeeeeel awful.
which is good as opposed to not feeling anything at all, which would make me numb. I'm glad to not be numb. Not being numb is good.
YAY for not being numb.
I'm applying to college because the thought of sitting in my room and being all mushy and girly over a boy actually scares me.
wanting to put this much effort into something
scares me.yet i do it anyway.

////I am a woman of faith.
I have faith in you,
yet i see nothing from you
but the road to hurt.
invisible hurt only for myself.
It's not like i actually have the guts to ever bring it up again, being shut down once is enough.. i learned. But the closer I get, the more i realize that i need you more than i want you.
that's the worst part.
I've never actually said this much.
just gratifications of love through "i love you"'s to thin air, or at least it seemed so to the unseeing eye.

it's hard to pretend what i feel doesn't exist.
it's hard, but it would be even harder for me to pretend i don't even know you, that i don't want you in my life.