If you love me at all... Don't call...

[i_feel_too]

I saw something in my new friend Illegalbeauty's journal. And it really got me to think about what the true meaning of love is. Love is when you know you would die for the person, just so they would live. Love is when you know you could be completely selfless and still be happy. Also to be in love is completely different than loving someone so much that you would do anything for them. For instance, To be in love would mean that you went out or even married a girl/guy and were happy, and you thought you two were able to communicate on such a deep level... When you love someone, it is completely and utterly selfless. Heres an example: A friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant in highschool. He had a bright future ahead of him in the art realm... He was gonna go to college, and is one of the brightest kids I know. He gave it all up to be with his new fiance and child. And it's been a year since all that happened. When I asked him recently if he regrets any of it. The only thing he said was that he doesn't. In fact, he said that it was the best thing that ever happened to him and his girlfriend. It was unreal that he was saying this... Shortly after some girl got put through a wall at the place I was hanging out with... Lol.. The wall is fixed. And it was my friend putting a girl through the wall. So it's all good. Another example of what love is, is the thing I took from illegalbeauty's jounal...

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
-=Girl hugs him=-
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy had realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

I want to love someone like that. Or like my friend does. And Donny is right... I have the rest of my life to find someone like that. And that I need to stop giving a shit. Cause honestly if a girl can't like me for me then fuck em.. And if she can't like my friemds... fuck em. And if my friends have a problem with me and they are a girl than fuck them too. Because I finally figured out who I am. And who I'm going to be.

I am bryan,

Here are the bad things:

I compulsively lie to girls to make me look better,
I steal when need is there,
I scam when need is there,
I watch porn,
I smoke,
I drink,
I have done drugs,
I still do one drug,
I can't go inside of hospitals,
I can't go to funerals,
I have an emotional problem dealing with dead, since the 4th grade.
I'm an emotional wreck.
And I consistently always think less of my self.

Here are the good things...

I am passionate about things that are close to me.
I am naieve about certain things.
I am smart enough to finish 68th in my class.
I like girls.
I play various musical instruments, guitar, bass, keyboard, recorder, violin.
I love music (in a motorcycle accident kind of way)
I keep a very close circle of friends.
You can be in the circle.
I constantly seek the truth about myself.
I constantly seek the truth about others.
I respect people.
I respect woman.
I would never cheat.
I am not abusive.
I am not high maitenence.
I can make people laugh.
I take incredible pictures.
I feel pain.
I feel emotion.
I can crochet. (I made two blankets)
I love my friends.
I love my unyielding power of forgiveness.
I love myself (which is a first.)

Who I'm going to be.

An art teacher, with a five bedroom house, two car garage, finished basement, inground pool, 4 kids, A wife, living on long island (close to home), and still hanging out with the same friends whereever they may be.

Later................