Take the spam.... fry it up in a pan...
Everyone gets it. Noone likes it. Some can be cooked and even still noone likes that either. It's spam. Not the salty treat in a can this time. The sort that is email. We all get them. Who dosen't want a new mortgage or a longer penis and my god, where are all these lesbian college co-eds at and why do they ALL have webcams and is the secret out about me? Because they ALL want me to see what they are doing RIGHT NOW!
We've all seen these. Even filters miss them sometimes or maybe the filter really is trying to toss a hint that we need to lose 30 pounds in 30 days. Hey, you dont have to change what you eat either. Just gotta take this one pill and boom, done. Maybe it's too good to be true but damn it Linda R. from Detroit, Michigan swears it worked and she told 10 of her friends about it and a guy she had a crush on asked her out within an hour!
Now, I know what you're asking "Micah, we all get spam. None of us feel compelled to write about it." Hmmm, that really wasn't a question was it? Well, pretend it was. I bring up spam for a reason. The reason being the one I received yesterday. It was an amazing day. It started off with strippers dancing to Rob Zombie, pounds of cocaine, lots of alcohol and the midgets with sheep. It was an ordinary day when I got an email with the subject "If you die. Love continues". I stared at this email not because I needed the life insurance that it was selling at "All time low rates" but for the picture of a woman with this bubbly smile essentially saying "If you die. Love continues". Needless to say I felt a little blue and it started to bring everyone down, even the midgets... err... "Little People" (Although I like mini-humans better). I digress, this blonde bitch was basically telling me if I die right now i'm screwing over the ones who have loved me up to the point that my homemade explosives detonated while I moved them from my closet to my "unibomber" style shed deep in the woods.
This got me to thinking about what could you sell using this kind of guilt. "Buy Pepsi! Or your family will die of the plague"... "Dodge. Buy American cars you sadistic asshole. Our people need to be able to buy food for their infant children". I see American car sales spiking 700%. And does anyone really buy things from spam emails? It seems like a waste of time and effort. And those penis pumps dont work. No matter how many weekends you waste. At least so I heard. I write this in hope that maybe the numerous friends I have will share their funniest/weirdest/oddest emails in the comments section.
Well, that's it really. I'm off to forward this journal entry to 15 people so I can get an Outback or Red Lobster coupon worth 50 bucks.
We've all seen these. Even filters miss them sometimes or maybe the filter really is trying to toss a hint that we need to lose 30 pounds in 30 days. Hey, you dont have to change what you eat either. Just gotta take this one pill and boom, done. Maybe it's too good to be true but damn it Linda R. from Detroit, Michigan swears it worked and she told 10 of her friends about it and a guy she had a crush on asked her out within an hour!
Now, I know what you're asking "Micah, we all get spam. None of us feel compelled to write about it." Hmmm, that really wasn't a question was it? Well, pretend it was. I bring up spam for a reason. The reason being the one I received yesterday. It was an amazing day. It started off with strippers dancing to Rob Zombie, pounds of cocaine, lots of alcohol and the midgets with sheep. It was an ordinary day when I got an email with the subject "If you die. Love continues". I stared at this email not because I needed the life insurance that it was selling at "All time low rates" but for the picture of a woman with this bubbly smile essentially saying "If you die. Love continues". Needless to say I felt a little blue and it started to bring everyone down, even the midgets... err... "Little People" (Although I like mini-humans better). I digress, this blonde bitch was basically telling me if I die right now i'm screwing over the ones who have loved me up to the point that my homemade explosives detonated while I moved them from my closet to my "unibomber" style shed deep in the woods.
This got me to thinking about what could you sell using this kind of guilt. "Buy Pepsi! Or your family will die of the plague"... "Dodge. Buy American cars you sadistic asshole. Our people need to be able to buy food for their infant children". I see American car sales spiking 700%. And does anyone really buy things from spam emails? It seems like a waste of time and effort. And those penis pumps dont work. No matter how many weekends you waste. At least so I heard. I write this in hope that maybe the numerous friends I have will share their funniest/weirdest/oddest emails in the comments section.
Well, that's it really. I'm off to forward this journal entry to 15 people so I can get an Outback or Red Lobster coupon worth 50 bucks.