once again......
finaly. some time to just sit down and clear my head and pour out my thoughts. yesterday morning (i cant belive it was yesterday... seems like days ago) daniel went back to his awful old ways and was taking numbers off my phone again. cant say i wasnt expecting it, i just figured it would take him longer then a week to fuck it up again. now i dont have a phone again. a relationship with a friend of mine is fucked up again. im once again scarred by letting myself trust again. stupid, trusting, naive erin thinking that daniel just needs to talk to someone.
yeah.
fucking.
right.
he goes on about how waking up next to me is the best feeling in the world, and all this BULLSHIT. yet he cant control himself just to be a normal human fucking being and let me love him again. no he has to push me away. so there. im away. luckily, im not stupid enough to come back again. i really wont this time. yes i know. i've said that how many times? but this time is just seriously it..... i got a new phone number and locks. soon, i will have a new apartment. hopefuly a normal boyfriend. as much as i dont liek the thought of rebounding, its inevidable, seeing as how thats JSUT HOW I AM. i mean... you can only fuck up SO MANY TIMES before you jsut totaly burn the ilttle peices that are left of the relationship totaly to the god damn fucking ground. which really sucks. becuase if he would have actualy taken the time to let things go, let me fully come to belive that he had changed, things could have been good with us again. but NOOOOOOOO he had to act on his impulses. gay gay gay gay! im pissed that he wouldnt just let us work for one last try.
i really dont want to have to take daniel to court or some stupid bullshit, but he owes me well over $700 and i at least need part of it now.
i took his boots as ransom. didnt want to. but i really need him to pay me back im so poor right now. i think he's going to be pissed about that. i also took slowy and the photo i gave him for valentines day which he didnt like anyway. dont think he'll care much a bout those.
now mike's pissed at me. im pissed that someone's annoyed at me because of someoen else. especialy daniel! even though he sais he doesnt blame me for the (moronic) actions of others and he's not mad. yeah right. whatever. thats what pisses me off the most. not much i can do about it, either wait until he's un-mad or he'll stay mad. he really doesnt seem like the type to stay mad. he's too laid back. i guess im impeding on that. gay.
that stupid fairy tim was being a jack to me. so i totaly destroyed him. and he was still trying to be an asshoile. and then christine all asks him if he wants to hang out after she already told me that we were hanging out i was like what the fuck?! and shes like oh i already told him i was going to chil with him. and then he sais its too late its past his stupid bedtime so she goes to the gym instead. STILL INSTEAD OF CHILING WITH ME. ok. just annoyed about that. had to get it out.
im going to washington on thursday. looking forward to it. cant wait to get the FUCK OUT OF HERE, away from all these stupid morons, away from daniel's drama, away from work and worrying about school. away from mike being mad and my car needing a tuneup. away from be being shit poor and my car needing gas. off to people who love me no matter what. i hope to see nick. of course i'll see dayvid. dont care much for him. i really want to see nick though.
speaking of nick's.
i called air force nick yesterday. he seemed homesick. i really want to see him. im thinking about driving out there to texas. might be fun. rebounds are always nice. what i really want is just someone normal and mature to actualy want a normal relationship with. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!?!?!??! i really want(ed) nick but he doesnt like me and never has. thats ok. i'll get over it. i also really want(ed) daniel to be normal for more then 5 fucking days so we could try again. i know he hates it when i test him. but i guess it was more like a trial. you think he'd be on his best behavior so not to
FUCK
IT
ALL
UP
again.
yeah.
fucking.
right.
he goes on about how waking up next to me is the best feeling in the world, and all this BULLSHIT. yet he cant control himself just to be a normal human fucking being and let me love him again. no he has to push me away. so there. im away. luckily, im not stupid enough to come back again. i really wont this time. yes i know. i've said that how many times? but this time is just seriously it..... i got a new phone number and locks. soon, i will have a new apartment. hopefuly a normal boyfriend. as much as i dont liek the thought of rebounding, its inevidable, seeing as how thats JSUT HOW I AM. i mean... you can only fuck up SO MANY TIMES before you jsut totaly burn the ilttle peices that are left of the relationship totaly to the god damn fucking ground. which really sucks. becuase if he would have actualy taken the time to let things go, let me fully come to belive that he had changed, things could have been good with us again. but NOOOOOOOO he had to act on his impulses. gay gay gay gay! im pissed that he wouldnt just let us work for one last try.
i really dont want to have to take daniel to court or some stupid bullshit, but he owes me well over $700 and i at least need part of it now.
i took his boots as ransom. didnt want to. but i really need him to pay me back im so poor right now. i think he's going to be pissed about that. i also took slowy and the photo i gave him for valentines day which he didnt like anyway. dont think he'll care much a bout those.
now mike's pissed at me. im pissed that someone's annoyed at me because of someoen else. especialy daniel! even though he sais he doesnt blame me for the (moronic) actions of others and he's not mad. yeah right. whatever. thats what pisses me off the most. not much i can do about it, either wait until he's un-mad or he'll stay mad. he really doesnt seem like the type to stay mad. he's too laid back. i guess im impeding on that. gay.
that stupid fairy tim was being a jack to me. so i totaly destroyed him. and he was still trying to be an asshoile. and then christine all asks him if he wants to hang out after she already told me that we were hanging out i was like what the fuck?! and shes like oh i already told him i was going to chil with him. and then he sais its too late its past his stupid bedtime so she goes to the gym instead. STILL INSTEAD OF CHILING WITH ME. ok. just annoyed about that. had to get it out.
im going to washington on thursday. looking forward to it. cant wait to get the FUCK OUT OF HERE, away from all these stupid morons, away from daniel's drama, away from work and worrying about school. away from mike being mad and my car needing a tuneup. away from be being shit poor and my car needing gas. off to people who love me no matter what. i hope to see nick. of course i'll see dayvid. dont care much for him. i really want to see nick though.
speaking of nick's.
i called air force nick yesterday. he seemed homesick. i really want to see him. im thinking about driving out there to texas. might be fun. rebounds are always nice. what i really want is just someone normal and mature to actualy want a normal relationship with. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!?!?!??! i really want(ed) nick but he doesnt like me and never has. thats ok. i'll get over it. i also really want(ed) daniel to be normal for more then 5 fucking days so we could try again. i know he hates it when i test him. but i guess it was more like a trial. you think he'd be on his best behavior so not to
FUCK
IT
ALL
UP
again.