ok, so well...

Jun 13, 2005 01:25


I got my bed back finally. right as i was about to sleep on the couch. it was warm when i got into bed so it was cool. but then i didn't sleep all too well. or too much either... so i woke up, and laid in bed for a few hours. got up, and got online. kinda was upset still, so i added to it by being upsetting. ended up crying a nice bit. then i got on the fone, and showered. yeah, at the same time. i like doing that, and kinda need to here. i dont feel comfy in the bathroom here. no lock on the door. and especially not comfy today cuz there was some chick here who my mom said would try to fuck me. so i was scared she'd walk in and try something. she didn't. thank god. but then i talked on the fone for a while over all. it pretty much ended with being told something that obviously would upset me. and it did. but then breakfast. it was ok, but WAY too much. trying to come up lol. not cool. 'twas sausage, biscuits, and gravy. yumzilla. well i came to a few more conclusions, sex isn't just sex to me. it is so much more. it is a DEEP expression of feelings. maybe not love, but ATLEAST lust. and lust itself is very powerful. I decided that i need to try something with someone that was never really done b4, and see how it goes. there are a few people i want to get close to. and be close friends with. and see where it goes, if it goes anywhere. I decided i am welcome to the thought of others kissing me, hugging me, etc. but definately not much more. and i would have to be very attracted to them, know them on a pretty personal level, and they'd have to be hot. so not that many people (to my opinion) fit the requirement of having to be hot but hey, i gotta be picky. enough about this, just gonna end it with this: if you want to kiss me, kiss me. if you want to hug me, hug me. if you want to fuck me, fuck you! (ok, not really, but i can't just have casual sex... sorry to the ones who are disappointed by that lol.) but soon i get to go back to brad's, and play cs and read and such. im having withdrawals from so much... mayhaps you guys can help?

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