Well, fuck.
HMMMMMmmmmmmm I am not a happy camper right now.
Let me explain.
Actually, let me recap a little of winter break (this is for myself, feel free to skip.)
Fri 21, drove home, got to the house at around 10:00. Went to Andie and David's 70's roller derby birthday. Hung out at Andie's apt afterwards until about 2:30. Drove Julie home. fun.
Sat 22, The day was lost in laundry- dinner with friends at BJ's, dessert at didiricis (sp?) in westwood. Party up at UCLA that night. Slept over in Alice's apt with Jennie, Jennif, Mike, Maddie, Anh, Chau and ummmmmm yeah that was it. A little drama at the party, but i enjoyed dancing.
Sun 23, Drove back from westwood. Went to lunch with Grandma Ardelle at Lonestar. Shopping...i think? yeah. Jammed with Luis in the afternoon/evening, also fun. Then... oh saw Sweeny Todd with school friends and Andrew at century. MMmmmmm bloody. Andrew and I hung out after the movie at Andie's with David and Cody. Watched Knocked Up, fell asleep. Woke up at 2:30 and raced home.
Mon 24, Shopped all day, some with Andrew and some by myself. Had family time, watched saddleback on TV. Went to Andie's apt for friend gift exchange around 10:00, then picked up Luis at 11:30 and drove around and talked for an hour or so. Dropped him off and raced home.
Tue 25, Had present time with the fam, and then ate lunch at home, just the four of us. Went on a drive to the beach with my mom and dad, then came back and went to dinner at Andrew's. We played music for a while, came inside and ate dinner, played apples to apples with his family, had dessert, Andie and David came over, we had more presents, then went in the garage and played charoodles. Lots of fun. Got home around 12:30.
Wed 26, Slept in, can't remember what I did during the day. Oh that's right... talked on phone with Matt for about three hours. I picked up a cake for Jennif, went to the gym, worked out, came home, got dressed and met Maddie, Chau, Mike, Jennif, Jennie and Anna at Jazz Kitchen in Downtown Disney. Awesome food, terrible service. Came home, had to get out of the house. Was going to hang out with Mikey, but he never called back. I waited in a parking lot listening to imogen heap for an hour. Hour well spent. Wrote lots of lyrics and listened to beautiful music. Went over to Andrew's and played music. Came home... um midnightish? maybe a little later.
Thur 27, Cleaned my room ALL morning. Went to lunch with grandma Mommom at Lonestar. Met Evan at the spectrum at 2:30. Watched him get a haircut, then walked around and quasi-shopped for a while. Ran into Luis and his not girlfriend. Had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. (me=fatty) Had a very nice time. Stopped by Red Robin for a half an hour to see Luis and meet his friend. Went to Andrew's and recorded a song in an hour and a half. Rushed home at 10:30 to paint with Alli. She wanted to sleep. Talked with her for mmmm thirty minutes about Matt. Went to bed.
Fri 28, Had band rehearsal with Val, Connie, and Alli from 11-4:30. Went to Lohman's(sp) with the girls. Bought cute blouse. Came home, went to dinner at Lonestar (sick of it) with Grandma Mommom and Aunt Julie. Drove to the Alley to see David's band play. Dramatastic. Picked up Luis and drove around with him for an hour and a half. Listened to him bitch about his not girlfriend. Offered advice. Drove over to pick up Andrew to go see Andie to talk, but mom called (12:12) telling me to get my ass home. Here I am.
Now for the dramarama. I'm a stupid girlfriend. I told Matt, "i love you but i want to be single... but because i love you, i'd rather stay with you... but i still would prefer to not be in a relationship." Yeah, looking back, that was pretty fucked up. Even if it is true. Fucked. Up. Here... I'm not making myself clear. I'm in love with the boy. Like woah. And i'd do anything for him. I see this relationship lasting for a long time. He's sweet, well-mannered, my family loves him, he's wonderful. However, i'm a crazy artist and i'm in love with music. I feel like i need to not be tied down to pursue it. This makes me think that I want to be single. Our relationship feels so serious- we've been together a year and a half... and we're planning for next year and it's freaking me out and... AAaaaaaaah. Nuts i tell you. So when my boy calls me looking for comfort after our 3 hour convo leaves him uneasy, I make it worse by saying that shit. ugh. I'm so stupid. Anyways, now he's giving me space... which isn't bad... but i know it's in a passive aggressive way- he's really hurt. He called me today asking if i wanted him to buy me shoes, but other than that he was very distant. didn't call me back later when i left a message. Even more, he ran into Annie and Jennie on the streets of New York City (what are the odds?)... didn't call me. He's upset and i don't blame him. I'm just not in a chasing mood... and that's going to make him more angry. ugh.
Also, i have a very strong feeling that mikey is avoiding me. first, he stood me up saying he felt sick, which yeah, i'd buy... but i'm not dumb and i can tell when people are bullshitting me. i donno why... but this is bothering me. he called luis while we were driving around tonight and it sounded like he was out doing something... although he'd said to me earlier when i called he was going home. I mean, mikey and i really aren't that close... just don't text me saying you want to see me if you really don't... that's where i'm coming from.
Also, i was supposed to go to disneyland on new year's eve with luis, guest pass, all the goods. Stay there all night, party with the band... I was stoked. Yeah well he cocked out and invited his not girlfriend who probably isn't going to show up anyways. Soooo yeah i'm not going anymore, yet i drove his ass around all night playing shrink. I don't mind being there for a friend, but it's pretty fucked up to invite two people (or however many he really did) to something you can only take one person to- especially if she doesn't want to be with you and isn't planning on coming anyways.
Soooooooo i got screwed out of my awesome newyears plans (after turning down a bunch of other invites... .rrrrrgh!) and i've made my boyfriend a very unhappy kid. The latter is much worse, but i'm just brewing on both of them. I fucking hate drama.
I hate humans sometimes.
Let me explain.
Actually, let me recap a little of winter break (this is for myself, feel free to skip.)
Fri 21, drove home, got to the house at around 10:00. Went to Andie and David's 70's roller derby birthday. Hung out at Andie's apt afterwards until about 2:30. Drove Julie home. fun.
Sat 22, The day was lost in laundry- dinner with friends at BJ's, dessert at didiricis (sp?) in westwood. Party up at UCLA that night. Slept over in Alice's apt with Jennie, Jennif, Mike, Maddie, Anh, Chau and ummmmmm yeah that was it. A little drama at the party, but i enjoyed dancing.
Sun 23, Drove back from westwood. Went to lunch with Grandma Ardelle at Lonestar. Shopping...i think? yeah. Jammed with Luis in the afternoon/evening, also fun. Then... oh saw Sweeny Todd with school friends and Andrew at century. MMmmmmm bloody. Andrew and I hung out after the movie at Andie's with David and Cody. Watched Knocked Up, fell asleep. Woke up at 2:30 and raced home.
Mon 24, Shopped all day, some with Andrew and some by myself. Had family time, watched saddleback on TV. Went to Andie's apt for friend gift exchange around 10:00, then picked up Luis at 11:30 and drove around and talked for an hour or so. Dropped him off and raced home.
Tue 25, Had present time with the fam, and then ate lunch at home, just the four of us. Went on a drive to the beach with my mom and dad, then came back and went to dinner at Andrew's. We played music for a while, came inside and ate dinner, played apples to apples with his family, had dessert, Andie and David came over, we had more presents, then went in the garage and played charoodles. Lots of fun. Got home around 12:30.
Wed 26, Slept in, can't remember what I did during the day. Oh that's right... talked on phone with Matt for about three hours. I picked up a cake for Jennif, went to the gym, worked out, came home, got dressed and met Maddie, Chau, Mike, Jennif, Jennie and Anna at Jazz Kitchen in Downtown Disney. Awesome food, terrible service. Came home, had to get out of the house. Was going to hang out with Mikey, but he never called back. I waited in a parking lot listening to imogen heap for an hour. Hour well spent. Wrote lots of lyrics and listened to beautiful music. Went over to Andrew's and played music. Came home... um midnightish? maybe a little later.
Thur 27, Cleaned my room ALL morning. Went to lunch with grandma Mommom at Lonestar. Met Evan at the spectrum at 2:30. Watched him get a haircut, then walked around and quasi-shopped for a while. Ran into Luis and his not girlfriend. Had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. (me=fatty) Had a very nice time. Stopped by Red Robin for a half an hour to see Luis and meet his friend. Went to Andrew's and recorded a song in an hour and a half. Rushed home at 10:30 to paint with Alli. She wanted to sleep. Talked with her for mmmm thirty minutes about Matt. Went to bed.
Fri 28, Had band rehearsal with Val, Connie, and Alli from 11-4:30. Went to Lohman's(sp) with the girls. Bought cute blouse. Came home, went to dinner at Lonestar (sick of it) with Grandma Mommom and Aunt Julie. Drove to the Alley to see David's band play. Dramatastic. Picked up Luis and drove around with him for an hour and a half. Listened to him bitch about his not girlfriend. Offered advice. Drove over to pick up Andrew to go see Andie to talk, but mom called (12:12) telling me to get my ass home. Here I am.
Now for the dramarama. I'm a stupid girlfriend. I told Matt, "i love you but i want to be single... but because i love you, i'd rather stay with you... but i still would prefer to not be in a relationship." Yeah, looking back, that was pretty fucked up. Even if it is true. Fucked. Up. Here... I'm not making myself clear. I'm in love with the boy. Like woah. And i'd do anything for him. I see this relationship lasting for a long time. He's sweet, well-mannered, my family loves him, he's wonderful. However, i'm a crazy artist and i'm in love with music. I feel like i need to not be tied down to pursue it. This makes me think that I want to be single. Our relationship feels so serious- we've been together a year and a half... and we're planning for next year and it's freaking me out and... AAaaaaaaah. Nuts i tell you. So when my boy calls me looking for comfort after our 3 hour convo leaves him uneasy, I make it worse by saying that shit. ugh. I'm so stupid. Anyways, now he's giving me space... which isn't bad... but i know it's in a passive aggressive way- he's really hurt. He called me today asking if i wanted him to buy me shoes, but other than that he was very distant. didn't call me back later when i left a message. Even more, he ran into Annie and Jennie on the streets of New York City (what are the odds?)... didn't call me. He's upset and i don't blame him. I'm just not in a chasing mood... and that's going to make him more angry. ugh.
Also, i have a very strong feeling that mikey is avoiding me. first, he stood me up saying he felt sick, which yeah, i'd buy... but i'm not dumb and i can tell when people are bullshitting me. i donno why... but this is bothering me. he called luis while we were driving around tonight and it sounded like he was out doing something... although he'd said to me earlier when i called he was going home. I mean, mikey and i really aren't that close... just don't text me saying you want to see me if you really don't... that's where i'm coming from.
Also, i was supposed to go to disneyland on new year's eve with luis, guest pass, all the goods. Stay there all night, party with the band... I was stoked. Yeah well he cocked out and invited his not girlfriend who probably isn't going to show up anyways. Soooo yeah i'm not going anymore, yet i drove his ass around all night playing shrink. I don't mind being there for a friend, but it's pretty fucked up to invite two people (or however many he really did) to something you can only take one person to- especially if she doesn't want to be with you and isn't planning on coming anyways.
Soooooooo i got screwed out of my awesome newyears plans (after turning down a bunch of other invites... .rrrrrgh!) and i've made my boyfriend a very unhappy kid. The latter is much worse, but i'm just brewing on both of them. I fucking hate drama.
I hate humans sometimes.