"How Are You?"
I was talking to John the other day about the strangeness I went through when my father died. It's funny to me how at the time I thought I was fine, but looking back I think my sanity slipped a little. Stumbled a bit. I kinda forgot how daily life worked for a while. School was a joke. I'm pretty sure I missed days of class without even knowing it. I had classes that I never got a syllabus for, and there was one where I had a recitation period that I didn't know about for the first month of the term. Simply put, I was not really in my head.
But the part that makes me laugh now is what I've come to think of as the Minnesota Nice effect. I never told a single person my father died. A lot of people knew about it, but it was always because someone else told them. Every time I would run into someone I knew they would ask the usual How Are You? and my answer unfailingly was "Fine!" with a smile. Partially I did it because it was easier than telling the truth, but mostly I said it because that's the response that is expected with that question. Almost no one really wants an honest answer when they as how you are in passing. The answer is always supposed to be Fine. It's never my father died last week. It's really never "I'm a walking papery husk of myself. You?"
After a while I was ready to actually tell people, but the window of opportunity had passed. I'd seen everyone any number of times over the passing months and had said nothing. How weird would it be to say now "so, yeah, my dad passed away a few months ago". So I just never said it.
It's funny to me when I realize that there are any number of people who were in my life back then that probably still don't know. Not that it matters to them. Mostly it's just more illustration of how strange I can be at times.
But the part that makes me laugh now is what I've come to think of as the Minnesota Nice effect. I never told a single person my father died. A lot of people knew about it, but it was always because someone else told them. Every time I would run into someone I knew they would ask the usual How Are You? and my answer unfailingly was "Fine!" with a smile. Partially I did it because it was easier than telling the truth, but mostly I said it because that's the response that is expected with that question. Almost no one really wants an honest answer when they as how you are in passing. The answer is always supposed to be Fine. It's never my father died last week. It's really never "I'm a walking papery husk of myself. You?"
After a while I was ready to actually tell people, but the window of opportunity had passed. I'd seen everyone any number of times over the passing months and had said nothing. How weird would it be to say now "so, yeah, my dad passed away a few months ago". So I just never said it.
It's funny to me when I realize that there are any number of people who were in my life back then that probably still don't know. Not that it matters to them. Mostly it's just more illustration of how strange I can be at times.