[locked from Soren and his family] and all i've said was just instead of coming back to you
Well, it's not quite breaking up but I guess it's something like it. It's disappointing. It's not what I want.
But then what I want is a normal, good, sane relationship. I'm not sure I can get one if I'm not entirely sane though. I'm not sure I can get one if it requires me also putting up with other people. I want to come first and not just because others are preoccupied or I am there or I have been absent longer than other lovers. I want to come first because I'm the only one that matters. Or if only because I'm the only one there. I can't do polyamory. I wasn't built that way.
I've never really dated. I always sort of land in relationships like diving into the deep end of a swimming pool with too much baggage to stay afloat. I don't want baggage and I don't want other people's. I don't mind family but I want one with room for me in it.
I want to date. To have it be complicated and uncomplicated all at once.
It's not that I don't love him or that I don't want to love, but I need something more like security and less like floundering. I want something simple and good. I want to be the sort of person who gets to be loved simply and well. Wish me luck.
And the friends I'd like to see...I...don't feel like I ought to even approach them.
So isolation it is. I suppose I can keep pestering Mike and newer people I've met. For now.
But then what I want is a normal, good, sane relationship. I'm not sure I can get one if I'm not entirely sane though. I'm not sure I can get one if it requires me also putting up with other people. I want to come first and not just because others are preoccupied or I am there or I have been absent longer than other lovers. I want to come first because I'm the only one that matters. Or if only because I'm the only one there. I can't do polyamory. I wasn't built that way.
I've never really dated. I always sort of land in relationships like diving into the deep end of a swimming pool with too much baggage to stay afloat. I don't want baggage and I don't want other people's. I don't mind family but I want one with room for me in it.
I want to date. To have it be complicated and uncomplicated all at once.
It's not that I don't love him or that I don't want to love, but I need something more like security and less like floundering. I want something simple and good. I want to be the sort of person who gets to be loved simply and well. Wish me luck.
And the friends I'd like to see...I...don't feel like I ought to even approach them.
So isolation it is. I suppose I can keep pestering Mike and newer people I've met. For now.