(no subject)
Live journaling from the bath is possibly the best thing, ever.
I was beginning to come unhinged. Peeling apart at the edges.
The quickness of the move.
The sudden emotional toll.
Work stuff. (There is always work stuff...)
And I was just feeling like a balloon about to burst.
But this weekend was incredible. We filled a cabin with a ton of friends, got a lot of work done, laughed, sang, played, ate, drank and fell in love even deeper.
I felt true connection. True true love for these people and the thing we do.
And last night I came home, spent some time with a friend who just came out and is finding himself for the first time. The excitement. The joy. It was so intoxicating.
We played Catan. I won a round. I slept for 10 hours.
Today I got a check for $500 I wasn't expecting. So... We went and bought all the things we had been telling ourselves were too extravagant. We splurged and enriched ourselves.
I am so happy. Right in this moment. Surrounded by the smell of lemongrass and lime and covered in warmth. Tom Waits is growling about taking out the trash. A candle is flickering in the dimness.
It's hard to admit that things are too much. When they get to be too hard to carry, I need to remember how good it feels to be honest and selfish and treat myself well.
It's ok to admit I deserve this moment.