jumping on the LJ bandwagon
im watching this celeb rehab special thing hosted by dr drew. hes so hot. seriously. silver fox, much? im listening to keane- a bad dream. its the song at the end of the ep of scrubs where nurse roberts dies and carla says goodbye. that scene makes me cry everytime. hmm so what to update about? well i guess ive been a bad friend lately. its not that im intentionally blowing people off, its just that my life is so scattered and different now that some people just slip through the cracks. im sorry if that sounds bad, but its just how it is. at the same token...if people want to hang out with me and talk to me and be my friend things need to work both ways. i cant make these things happen single handedly. you know? ive gotten written up twice at work due to internet usage. my review is coming up soon so bc ive gotten written up twice i will not get my 33 cent raise. blegh. im supposed to be moving in with andrew for a month and a half while he waits for his roommate rusty's lease to end. it should be fun, but i dont think i thought things through thoroughly bc im really not going to be saving as much as i thought i would be. at least for a month and a half i will be living on lower greenville so i can walk to the cavern to see my aussie!
which brings me to my second paragraph.... i have a crush. its very complicated. avril lavigne style. rene and i have not been doing great. we havent been horrible, but we arent as close as we were when we first got back together. between my hanging out with my friends and his church and work stuff hes had going on its like i dont even have a bf anymore. we talked about splitting and then didnt quite get there and i was like ok well in the meantime lets try and make time for each other. well that didnt happen so i told him i just needed time to myself. hes made some slight efforts to hang out with me. he went to ozonas the other day with les and i for dollar beers and then to sherlocks last saturday for my friend metcalfes bday, but i havent seen him since sunday and havent really talked to him much this week so its like his small efforts are kind of too little too late. i really love him and would like for things to work, but i cant really force them too if neither of us are going to make any changes. its like trying to fit a circle in a square. so i figure i just need to not be in a relationship. this has been on my mind for a few months, and now i have this crush. hes an aussie bartender at the cavern and his name is scotty (hes not 15 i promise). we have lots of things in common and we just kind of clicked. we have hung out a few times and im not doing anything bad except i havent told him about the rene sitch. ive touched on it, but if things are fuzzy with us how can i explain it? he wants to move back to australia and doesnt really want to settle or anything so its not like i want a relationship with him, i just like that ive met someone new that i dont have to try so hard with. i know that probably sounds bad as well and i know relationships are hard work....i mean hello ive been in one for the past 5 years, but when you try so hard and you kind of have nothing to show for it, whats the point?
i dont know. im just confused right now by a lot of things. not just this rene/scotty business. like i said my life is scattered right now that its hard to understand much of whats going on with me. i did finally get to see my dad after 8 months of not seeing him the weekend after fathers day. it was pretty cool just hanging out with him and my stepmom. sometimes i find myself resenting him for all the crap i had to endure as a kid, but then spending time with him just makes me realize that he really is a good dad. he helps put a lot of things into perspective when i get confused about life. i wonder what he would have to say about all this rene stuff? oh well...when i have something more interesting to update about i shall!
p.s
not that i expect any from whoever reads this....i just dont want any negative comments about this stuff. if it were you, youd expect the same thing from me.
which brings me to my second paragraph.... i have a crush. its very complicated. avril lavigne style. rene and i have not been doing great. we havent been horrible, but we arent as close as we were when we first got back together. between my hanging out with my friends and his church and work stuff hes had going on its like i dont even have a bf anymore. we talked about splitting and then didnt quite get there and i was like ok well in the meantime lets try and make time for each other. well that didnt happen so i told him i just needed time to myself. hes made some slight efforts to hang out with me. he went to ozonas the other day with les and i for dollar beers and then to sherlocks last saturday for my friend metcalfes bday, but i havent seen him since sunday and havent really talked to him much this week so its like his small efforts are kind of too little too late. i really love him and would like for things to work, but i cant really force them too if neither of us are going to make any changes. its like trying to fit a circle in a square. so i figure i just need to not be in a relationship. this has been on my mind for a few months, and now i have this crush. hes an aussie bartender at the cavern and his name is scotty (hes not 15 i promise). we have lots of things in common and we just kind of clicked. we have hung out a few times and im not doing anything bad except i havent told him about the rene sitch. ive touched on it, but if things are fuzzy with us how can i explain it? he wants to move back to australia and doesnt really want to settle or anything so its not like i want a relationship with him, i just like that ive met someone new that i dont have to try so hard with. i know that probably sounds bad as well and i know relationships are hard work....i mean hello ive been in one for the past 5 years, but when you try so hard and you kind of have nothing to show for it, whats the point?
i dont know. im just confused right now by a lot of things. not just this rene/scotty business. like i said my life is scattered right now that its hard to understand much of whats going on with me. i did finally get to see my dad after 8 months of not seeing him the weekend after fathers day. it was pretty cool just hanging out with him and my stepmom. sometimes i find myself resenting him for all the crap i had to endure as a kid, but then spending time with him just makes me realize that he really is a good dad. he helps put a lot of things into perspective when i get confused about life. i wonder what he would have to say about all this rene stuff? oh well...when i have something more interesting to update about i shall!
p.s
not that i expect any from whoever reads this....i just dont want any negative comments about this stuff. if it were you, youd expect the same thing from me.