Just, please, give me peace!
Mark, please don't read this, ok?
God, I just need to get this off my chest and hopefully, out of my system. I hate what's been happening, I hate myself for opening my mouth and letting this catastrophe spill out. I hate that I can't stop how I feel, I hate that I'm not in control. I can't sleep, I want to just start over again but I won't. I can't go through this again. Everytime I start drifting off to sleep, I feel like everything could just slip away, all of my thoughts, dreams, memories, feelings... And I love it. There's nothing I could want more... I fall asleep and I dream about when Brandon and I were together... I wake up crying and I don't dare go back to bed. The other night all I dreamt of was screaming at him, pleading with him not to leave me... I'm really pathetic, all these problems, he doesn't want me... I can't let myself feel this anymore, I want to let everything go, let him go; but I can't. I'm really trying, they say that time heals all, I guess I'll just have to pray for that. God, this is ridiculous, I'm angry with everyone, I hate myself, I caused this. If it weren't for me, everyone could be going about their lives, oblivious. Damn me, damn love and damn God. I'm afraid to face him, I'm afraid... To keep going anymore, I can't help it, Hell, he's over me... Why can't I just move on?... There are things to come, that are going to be worse than all this, they shall be coming soon... I need to be ready for that, I need to just stop and fall back into my old routine.
Things are going to change, I'm sorry, but it will hopefully be for the best and I hope that you can forgive me.
God, I just need to get this off my chest and hopefully, out of my system. I hate what's been happening, I hate myself for opening my mouth and letting this catastrophe spill out. I hate that I can't stop how I feel, I hate that I'm not in control. I can't sleep, I want to just start over again but I won't. I can't go through this again. Everytime I start drifting off to sleep, I feel like everything could just slip away, all of my thoughts, dreams, memories, feelings... And I love it. There's nothing I could want more... I fall asleep and I dream about when Brandon and I were together... I wake up crying and I don't dare go back to bed. The other night all I dreamt of was screaming at him, pleading with him not to leave me... I'm really pathetic, all these problems, he doesn't want me... I can't let myself feel this anymore, I want to let everything go, let him go; but I can't. I'm really trying, they say that time heals all, I guess I'll just have to pray for that. God, this is ridiculous, I'm angry with everyone, I hate myself, I caused this. If it weren't for me, everyone could be going about their lives, oblivious. Damn me, damn love and damn God. I'm afraid to face him, I'm afraid... To keep going anymore, I can't help it, Hell, he's over me... Why can't I just move on?... There are things to come, that are going to be worse than all this, they shall be coming soon... I need to be ready for that, I need to just stop and fall back into my old routine.
Things are going to change, I'm sorry, but it will hopefully be for the best and I hope that you can forgive me.