1 ○ introduction | voice

[i_archmagus]

[The audible sound of teeth chattering fills the feed, followed swiftly by the sharp intake of breath.]

I do not take kindly to being toyed with.

[A man's voice, barely a hiss, pierces the silence.]

[He coughs, wet and sickly, barely able to draw breath between each spasm.]

[Finally, it abates.]There are those who would dare challenge me, but

Comments

[knifecushion]

You sound like you're about to die.

[ VOICE. FOREVER. ]

[i_archmagus]

[This . . . makes him flip his shit.]

I am not going to die! Not here, not now!

[He's screaming and will pretty much smite you if you were in the vicinity.]

[This tirade is interrupted by more wheezing and coughing.]

This device is ridiculously easy to comprehend despite its advanced technology, but if I'd known that I would be speaking to idiots -

[ TEN FOUR GOOD BUDDY ]

[knifecushion]

[the most deadpan of deadpans.] Tuberculosis! Plague! Eeeeew, keep away.

[i_archmagus]

[And this actually pleases him.]

Gladly.

[knifecushion]

Just make sure you don't keel over near a water source.

[i_archmagus]

I have no plans of contaminating your precious drinking water.

If I wanted to kill all of you, I would have done it through other ways.

[knifecushion]

Let me guess.

Magic.

[i_archmagus]

[He just . . . laughs.]

[And it's the most disturbing laugh that anyone's ever heard.]

[knifecushion]

[I'm....I'm sorry, Raistlin. Fran has been desensitized to creepy laughter. ;;]

Mediocre. My pineapple Master does it better.

[i_archmagus]

I don't care.

[He's losing his patience, but this . . . whatever he is reminds him a bit of Tasslehoff.]

Either have useful things to say or stop talking to me at all.

[knifecushion]

[KENDER WITH A FROG HAT!!!!]

Blah blah City blah blah deities blah blah curses. Oh, and there's no exit. Good luck finding one, Mr. Prophesy Messiah.

[i_archmagus]

[Somehow, that doesn't sound too far off.]

City, deities, curses, no exit.

[Another short bark of a laugh.]

All too familiar.

[knifecushion]

Oh, so this is just your day job?

[i_archmagus]

Among other things.

[knifecushion]

[ENJOY SOME RANDOM NYAN CAT!

...Fran has it programmed into his device. He hit it on accident ok.]

Whoops. Sorry. [except not.]

[i_archmagus]

[He was uncertain what he just listened to, but he knew that a headache was coming.]

Are you a kender?