Apr 23, 2006 07:17
basically i dont journal anymore
because
i have no time.
between work and school i barely have time to do anything that makes ME happy.
ya it might sound lame but it's like seriously... if senior year ends the way it's going now, i think i might have to shoot somebody.
everything that could've possibly become drama has (with the majority being my fault - i guess) and i just need to get the fuck out of here.
i don't know what school i want to go to.
i've narrowed it down to cal poly san luis obispo and uc santa barbara...
but now dads thinking JC for my GE and then try again and then maybe i could get into UC san diego.
it's all so fucking gay.
i don't know what i want college wise and i have a whole week to fucking decide.
i only have a few days to enroll in a JC too.
so basically something needs to happen.
some sign from someone or something that tells me exactly wat i need to do.
i hate this.
i can't make decisions yet. not ones THIS big.
i mean fuck, this is the next 4 years of my life we're talking about.
and i just want to be happy.
that's all.
all i know is that i'm NOT staying here.
JC or NO JC.
i'm out.
i can't stay here.
this town seriously breeds unhappy dramatics that i cannot stand.
im starting to think tho that everyone would be much happier sans alexis.
seriously, i just have caused problems lately unintentionally and i don't know how to go about fixing any of them or getting things back to how they were.
plus - no one wants to hear about it so i just keep things to myself and burst at all the worst possible times.
i just don't know what to do.
i am starting to hate my job - i spend my life there.
i hate hate hate school.
i need to somehow get back the relationships ive lost.
and i need to pick a school.
not to mention i dont know what's up with jessika... we havent really talked about 'it' in quite a while. i just hope she's okay.
mom and i still aren't talking.
basically been a month.
wow...
BUT
there is some good news :)
bex and jas are getting married october 7th and i get to be a bridesmaid :) i CANNOT WAIT.
AND i found my prom dress. 5 minutes of being in the store. that's IT. i'm fucking stoked. that has never happened to me before.
well - i hope proms fun. for everyone. that's all i want. everyone to enjoy themselves.
max and i will have a great time...always do.
7 weeks til my 18th birthday and graduation. FUCK YA - im out... rambled enough :)