Venture Compound, Sunday morning (after breakfast)
Dr. Venture had come to a decision. The boys weren't in any real danger anymore, not with their new Guild-licensed archnemesis being so nice and all, and they were pretty annoying anyway. Dean had to stay, because he was Doc's favorite and was going to carry on the family superscientist legacy, but there was no reason Hank couldn't go somewhere. Plus, there was the remarkable brochure that had conveniently arrived in the mail. It smelled like a trap, but Hatred had sworn up and down that that just wasn't his style, and who else would bother right now?
"Sit down, boys," he told the kids that afternoon. "We need to talk."
"Are you dying?" Dean asked worriedly.
"Are we gonna have a new mommy?!" Hank asked excitedly.
"No, I -- what?! NO!!!" Dr. Venture facepalmed and waved them into chairs. "Sit. Just... sit." He sighed. "Okay, look. You both know about Sergent Hatred's little 'problem', right?"
"He's a pedestrian!" Dean chimed in.
"Pedophile, but close," Dr. Venture told him. "So it's hard for him to be near you. And it's ALSO come to my attention that Hank's grades have been slipping." This morning. When he'd checked the printouts from the kids' Learning Beds for the first time in ages. "Dean, he's holding you back. You could be achieving your potential as a superscientist, but you're not." Because it was Hank that was the problem there, of course.
Dean looked ashamed and scuffed at the floor with his toe. Hank, on the other hand, stroked his chin angrily. If he'd had a beard, he would be stroking that, but he didn't, so he wasn't. "Just what are you trying to say...?"
Dr. Venture held out the Fandom High brochure. "Hank, I'm sending you away to boarding school," he announced matter-of-factly. "Pack your things; we're leaving in two hours."
Hank's face lit up. "SWEET! No more stupid electric Grampa bed! Score!"
Dean, on the other hand, pouted. "That's not fair! How come I don't get to go to public school?!?!"
"Private school, Dean," his father consoled him. "Private school. A special school, for special children. And you must have noticed, your brother is a little... special."
While Hank started preening a little, Dean just about burst into tears. "I'm not special?" he asked, with humongous doe eyes.
Dr. Venture couldn't stand to see his son hurting like that, and it would have been too awkward to walk out of the room, so he tried to console him. "Retarded, Dean! Hank is retarded! And he's going to a school full of retarded kids, where he can have little retarded friends and learn special retarded skills and maybe someday he'll be able to live a normal life without embarrassing me! You, on the other hand, are my protégé!" He pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated at the hell these kids put him through. "Plus, they only gave us one scholarship."
Now Dean was feeling marginally better, but Hank on the other hand was not. "I am NOT a retard!!!" he exclaimed, stomping his foot. "I'm not I'm not I'm NOT!"
His father glared and pointed a finger towards the boy's room. "It doesn't matter! Go pack your things this instant!"
"Make me!" Hank countered, folding his arms defiantly.
"Gladly," Dr. Venture replied. "Oh, Bro~ock!"
At the doctor's call, Brock stepped into the room, clearly pained by the whole ordeal. "Hank, listen to your father," he said sadly. "Maybe... maybe this is best. I dunno. C'mon, I'll help you pack."
Hank sniffled, choking back tears. "Et tu, Brock? Et tu?"
Brock sighed. "You're a good kid, Hank. Maybe this'll help you. Maybe it won't. I dunno. But whatever happens, it'll be an adventure. You like adventures, don't you?" He shrugged. "You get to go off into the great unknown and do who knows what, and we're stuck here doing the same old stuff." Granted, for the Ventures, the same old stuff was pretty extraordinary. "I'll try not to have too much fun without you."
Hank sniffled, feeling better. "You'd... do that for me?" he asked hopefully.
That got a shrug out of Brock. He hadn't meant it to be such a meaningful sort of promise... "Sure, kid," he said. "Sure."
Hank nodded. "Well, then, I guess it's like they say: You gotta get busy livin', or get busy dyin'. And I don't want to die. And they can take my home away from me, but they'll never take... my FREEDOM!!!" He turned dramatically and marched off to pack.
[Warning: mentions pedophilia. But in a funny way.
Also contains language that's offensive to the mentally disabled, which isn't funny. It's in character, though, unfortunately. Dr. Venture is a dick.
NFI, NFB.]