Exerpt from Playboy
MY 10 Dads: by Peter Griffin
THE CHARACTERS WHO TAUGHT
THIS FAMILY GUY HOW TO BE A MAN
I was raised by a warm, glowing box made of metal, glass and wood. No, I'm not talking about some magical robot vagina. I'm talking about television. Clair Huxtable was my moter, Alex P. Keaton was my older brother, and Schneider was my sex-crazed handyman. But of all the TV characters who raised me, there are 10 in particular who made me the man i am today.
1.MACGYVER Taught me how to get a lady pregnant with a condom and a pair of scissors.
2.OPTIMUS PRIME Taught me bravery, leadership and how to turn into a kick-ass truck.
3.TONY MICELLI of WHO'S THE BOSS? Showed me that it's not gay to do housework--as long as your're poor. By the way, was he totally plowin' Angela or what?
4.T.J. HOOKER His name was Hooker. He-he-he-he
5.BENNY HILL Apparently a fat man wth his own TV show is allowed to grope strange women and chase them around in his underwear. Good to know.
6.DYLAN McKAY of BEVERLY HILLS 90210 Taught me how to leave a wicked cool outgoing message on my answering machine: "hey, this is Peter. I'm not here. You know the drill."
7.JO of THE FACTS OF LIFE Taught me that women can be men too.
8.AIRWOLF This sophisticated battle helicopter caused my first erection. I honestly don't know why.
9.SAM "MAYDAY" MALONE Surrounding yourself with losers makes you look even cooler. Hence my neighbors Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe, and my daughter, Meg.
10.ARTHUR FONZARELLI Smoking is not cool, never mess with turkeys, and if you wear a leather jacket you are impervious to STDs.
oh and
would you rather,
talk to a car salesman for 2 hours of your life, or...
be drug naked over a cactus with you mouth around the tail pipe of a grayhound bus, or...
sand paper the asshole of an alligator in a phone booth?
THE CHARACTERS WHO TAUGHT
THIS FAMILY GUY HOW TO BE A MAN
I was raised by a warm, glowing box made of metal, glass and wood. No, I'm not talking about some magical robot vagina. I'm talking about television. Clair Huxtable was my moter, Alex P. Keaton was my older brother, and Schneider was my sex-crazed handyman. But of all the TV characters who raised me, there are 10 in particular who made me the man i am today.
1.MACGYVER Taught me how to get a lady pregnant with a condom and a pair of scissors.
2.OPTIMUS PRIME Taught me bravery, leadership and how to turn into a kick-ass truck.
3.TONY MICELLI of WHO'S THE BOSS? Showed me that it's not gay to do housework--as long as your're poor. By the way, was he totally plowin' Angela or what?
4.T.J. HOOKER His name was Hooker. He-he-he-he
5.BENNY HILL Apparently a fat man wth his own TV show is allowed to grope strange women and chase them around in his underwear. Good to know.
6.DYLAN McKAY of BEVERLY HILLS 90210 Taught me how to leave a wicked cool outgoing message on my answering machine: "hey, this is Peter. I'm not here. You know the drill."
7.JO of THE FACTS OF LIFE Taught me that women can be men too.
8.AIRWOLF This sophisticated battle helicopter caused my first erection. I honestly don't know why.
9.SAM "MAYDAY" MALONE Surrounding yourself with losers makes you look even cooler. Hence my neighbors Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe, and my daughter, Meg.
10.ARTHUR FONZARELLI Smoking is not cool, never mess with turkeys, and if you wear a leather jacket you are impervious to STDs.
oh and
would you rather,
talk to a car salesman for 2 hours of your life, or...
be drug naked over a cactus with you mouth around the tail pipe of a grayhound bus, or...
sand paper the asshole of an alligator in a phone booth?