(no subject)
ok...welll last night was not a good night...i found the mic for my comp...talked to CJ on it....then talked to Daniel, and David, and then Brandon...but then here is a convo between me and Nicole...and im crying during the whole time...
Nicole:Chels...can you promise me something?
Me:yes...what is it...
Her:If i die and commit sucide dont cry for me
Me:i cant do that
her:why?
me:because i love you...i dont want you to go...you promised!
her:i promised?
me:YES YOU PROMISED!! NOT UNTIL I GOT UP THERE! NOT UNTIL I GET MY HUG!!
her:ok...but what if i cant help it...
me:just please dont cut yourself! please stop trying to hurt yourself i love you
her:why cant i cut myself?
me:BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOSE YOU
that was just part of it...so she wants to kill herself...and im crying now just re reading this..
next....i find out from my mom that my auntie debbie is trying to over dose and the only thing that keeps her from doing so is JD my cousin...happy news...thenn....okay now that REAL night..i went to bed...and about 3:30 i remember some...but this is from my mommmy
she said i was standing in the hall crying with my pillow
and shes like chels do u wanna come in with us i and ran and jumped in the middle...and started crying harder telling her i didnt want her to leave me like auntie debbie did but she said i was rolling around and kept crying and telling her that i didnt want them to take me way i kept saying i didnt want them to take me away from her and that i want to be with herand then she said i started talkin about nicole...and then started crying harder and then i said my head hurt and she asked my step dad to get some meds and i took themthen she continued to hold me as i continued to babble unknown things....and boomer (my puppy) tried to get on the bed with us and he couldnt get up but then my step dad let bailey on the bed and she started licking my face and i kept pushing boomer away everyimte hed come close and then my mom asked my step dad if he just wanted to go sleep on the couch...and he said yea so my mom was just holding me while i was holding my pillow and she kept trying to cover me up with blanket and i ketp throwing it off finally i calmed down and fell asleep and the next thing i knew my mom was like huney its 7:30 ur gona miss ur bus and my step dad was lik dun worry ill take hers so i ran in my room threw on some clothes but i was still crying and i told my mom i didnt wanna lose her or auntie debbie or nicole or anyone else again......
that was last night...but today at school....
god i felt so bad, my head hurt, my stomach hurt, i felt like i was gona throw up at anytime...god it was so bad....but anyway..i feel a little better...daniel hugged me today...twice...i know he enjoyed it too...i kinda did...because i like being hugged...but still my day sucked fuckin ass...i wish everything could be the same again...i want the pain to stop........
~*~Chelsea~*~
~*~PTS~*~
~*~Ducky~*~
~*~Cookie Monster~*~ <<<
Nicole:Chels...can you promise me something?
Me:yes...what is it...
Her:If i die and commit sucide dont cry for me
Me:i cant do that
her:why?
me:because i love you...i dont want you to go...you promised!
her:i promised?
me:YES YOU PROMISED!! NOT UNTIL I GOT UP THERE! NOT UNTIL I GET MY HUG!!
her:ok...but what if i cant help it...
me:just please dont cut yourself! please stop trying to hurt yourself i love you
her:why cant i cut myself?
me:BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOSE YOU
that was just part of it...so she wants to kill herself...and im crying now just re reading this..
next....i find out from my mom that my auntie debbie is trying to over dose and the only thing that keeps her from doing so is JD my cousin...happy news...thenn....okay now that REAL night..i went to bed...and about 3:30 i remember some...but this is from my mommmy
she said i was standing in the hall crying with my pillow
and shes like chels do u wanna come in with us i and ran and jumped in the middle...and started crying harder telling her i didnt want her to leave me like auntie debbie did but she said i was rolling around and kept crying and telling her that i didnt want them to take me way i kept saying i didnt want them to take me away from her and that i want to be with herand then she said i started talkin about nicole...and then started crying harder and then i said my head hurt and she asked my step dad to get some meds and i took themthen she continued to hold me as i continued to babble unknown things....and boomer (my puppy) tried to get on the bed with us and he couldnt get up but then my step dad let bailey on the bed and she started licking my face and i kept pushing boomer away everyimte hed come close and then my mom asked my step dad if he just wanted to go sleep on the couch...and he said yea so my mom was just holding me while i was holding my pillow and she kept trying to cover me up with blanket and i ketp throwing it off finally i calmed down and fell asleep and the next thing i knew my mom was like huney its 7:30 ur gona miss ur bus and my step dad was lik dun worry ill take hers so i ran in my room threw on some clothes but i was still crying and i told my mom i didnt wanna lose her or auntie debbie or nicole or anyone else again......
that was last night...but today at school....
god i felt so bad, my head hurt, my stomach hurt, i felt like i was gona throw up at anytime...god it was so bad....but anyway..i feel a little better...daniel hugged me today...twice...i know he enjoyed it too...i kinda did...because i like being hugged...but still my day sucked fuckin ass...i wish everything could be the same again...i want the pain to stop........
~*~Chelsea~*~
~*~PTS~*~
~*~Ducky~*~
~*~Cookie Monster~*~ <<<