here.
If you called my name in roll today, I would raise my hand, say "here", and then sit back and be silent for the rest of the day.
Please understand this about me: I used to be a volcano... keeping everything in until the pressure was too much and then I'd explode on some undeserving person. I'm trying to be more like Old Faithful now... letting it out in small spurts when needed, lessening the impact over time. My livejournal is a good place to do that because it's impersonal, broad, and not directed at anyone....
Well, in the last few months I've realized this isn't the case. People read it (more than I thought, which completely suprised me), and some people are affected by it.
It's touching that people care about me that much... but for everyone's own safety, I think I'm going to be either posting less from now on, or locking more posts. I've been hurting people without realizing it, and that was never the point.
Hurting people is the most hurtful thing I could ever do to myself. I was touched once when this little kid, Mobine, would cry if he though he had hurt you. It was so pure, and I realized that I actually react the same way, even if I don't do it outwardly.
Haha, I may try to be this Amazon woman, but I'm just little Mia. Learning and learning and learning. I think I love a little too hard sometimes, but that love isn't always directed at myself.
I would say something cheesy like, Now I'm going to work on me, but truth is we're always working on ourselves, even if we don't quite realize it. We die the day we stop, even if it isn't a physical death. We oscilate between learning and then erroneously celebrating our "lessons learned." I'll still rejoice when I think I've learned something, enjoy it in the moment, but I should never forget that lessons are not objects to keep but rather ideas that must be maintained by constant vigilence in actions, words AND thought That's the hard one.
In short: I'm ok. Don't worry about me. I do enough of that for everyone... though it would be a lie if I said that I don't worry about everyone all the time too. Haha, see what I mean?
I have a drumming final (Kumdum) right know, and then dance final (Sohu) tonight. Look them up online. They're super cool.
Less than 4 weeks. I don't even know what to think anymore... I'm just glad I don't have to make a decision about staying or leaving and that the ticket it already bought for me. It's so much easier that way.
Please understand this about me: I used to be a volcano... keeping everything in until the pressure was too much and then I'd explode on some undeserving person. I'm trying to be more like Old Faithful now... letting it out in small spurts when needed, lessening the impact over time. My livejournal is a good place to do that because it's impersonal, broad, and not directed at anyone....
Well, in the last few months I've realized this isn't the case. People read it (more than I thought, which completely suprised me), and some people are affected by it.
It's touching that people care about me that much... but for everyone's own safety, I think I'm going to be either posting less from now on, or locking more posts. I've been hurting people without realizing it, and that was never the point.
Hurting people is the most hurtful thing I could ever do to myself. I was touched once when this little kid, Mobine, would cry if he though he had hurt you. It was so pure, and I realized that I actually react the same way, even if I don't do it outwardly.
Haha, I may try to be this Amazon woman, but I'm just little Mia. Learning and learning and learning. I think I love a little too hard sometimes, but that love isn't always directed at myself.
I would say something cheesy like, Now I'm going to work on me, but truth is we're always working on ourselves, even if we don't quite realize it. We die the day we stop, even if it isn't a physical death. We oscilate between learning and then erroneously celebrating our "lessons learned." I'll still rejoice when I think I've learned something, enjoy it in the moment, but I should never forget that lessons are not objects to keep but rather ideas that must be maintained by constant vigilence in actions, words AND thought That's the hard one.
In short: I'm ok. Don't worry about me. I do enough of that for everyone... though it would be a lie if I said that I don't worry about everyone all the time too. Haha, see what I mean?
I have a drumming final (Kumdum) right know, and then dance final (Sohu) tonight. Look them up online. They're super cool.
Less than 4 weeks. I don't even know what to think anymore... I'm just glad I don't have to make a decision about staying or leaving and that the ticket it already bought for me. It's so much easier that way.