Almost 2 months on...
Decided I should update as I havent done so in a while. Just havent felt like it. Am really tired at the mo. Got up at 6am to let Jasmine in cos she was crying outside. Daniel must have left her out all night, the dingbat! She was happy to see me and I gave her some food, then left her to go and have a snooze, then I went back to bed. Mum must have let her out again when she got up to go to work, so I got up again at 9 cos she was miowing outside to come back in. My bedroom is too warm first thing in the morning so I decided to get up. Probably should have slept a bit more, but nevermind.
Ive managed to get myself a job. Its not brilliant or ideal but it gets me a bit of pocket money. I work in an icecream parlour in town. Like every job, it has its pro's and cons.
I havent been feeling too good tis last month though. I get upset or worked up too easily and I end up crying at small things. I cant help it. It was my 22nd birthday last month (10th June) and instead of goind out to meet some friends in the evening, I ended up crying most of the night. A birthday isnt a birthday without a card from your big brother, so I wasnt fussed about celebrating anyway. I dont think people get that. Think they expect you to move on after a couple of weeks and just forget about it. I dont get people asking me how I am anymore or saying that it'll be ok/you can talk to me bout it/blah-de-blah crap if I say Im feeling low. Everyones too busy with their own lives. Theres no-one to talk to about it anymore, unless I go blubbing to my mum but I cant keepdoing that cos its not fair on her. So I sit and stew, and thats why I get worked up. Like the other day, my mum sent Kate a text asking if she wanted anything sending through for Megan for a treat, but she replied saying 'I dont want anything from you and I dont want you texting me' which I thought was a bit out of line, seeing as my mum hasnt done anything to upset her that we know of, infact she's done the complete opposite - she's bend over backwards to make Kate feel welcome and part of the family. So mum sent her a text back (because we havent managed to get her on the phone, nobody ever answers) saying that it was a treat for Megan from her gran, her daddys mum, as its coming up to Lee's birthday (25th July) and could she really deny her of that aswell? The reply said something along the lines of 'I dont want anything to do with you after the way you've treated me and I dont want you anywhere near my daughter after you behaviour and I dont want you texting me'. Now to me, that is a complete pile of crap because mums done nothing wrong. If theres anyone to be had a go at then its Kate for HER behaviour: cutting us out of the funeral arrangments, having to find out info for ourselves direct from the coroners office or funeral directors, cos Kate or her family didnt bother to ring up and tell us. We got fuck all from them. And when we did get through to them on the phone, mum only got to speak to Kates parents and they were banging on about 'how much of a nice lad he was' and 'he loved Kate and Megan so much', and coming out with things that MY mum should have been saying. We'd completely been pushed out of the picture like we were nobodies. Also, at the funeral, they all completely blanked my family and Lee's friends etc when we'd made so much effort to be nice to them. Its completely out of order. Kate did nothing but stress Lee out with her foul tempers, mood swings and constant demands. He worshipped the ground she walked on and looked after Megan while she went off and do her own thing and spent all the income on her self, getting them further and further into debt, ate nothing but take-aways and made absolute zilch effort when she was with my family, eg, if they came over to see us for a day or two, or if my mum wanted to go through and see them then it had to be alright with Kate (which it wasnt most of the time), and when she could, Kate would just go to bed or be a miserable cow and not say anything. I think all the stress she caused Lee pushed him over the edge. I know it sounds a bit harsh but thats the way I think it is. Mum told me the other night that Lee once rang up my mum saying that Kate had got into one of her moods and bashed Lee's head against the wall so my mum called the police but when they went round they just put it down to a domestic! How dumb is that?! We still havent got any of Lee's ashes yet as promised or the gold chain my mum got Lee for his 21st that she would like back, because we dont have anything else. So when I get the chance, Im going through and getting them myself. Ive asked Kate to sort a day so that I can collect them but I havent had any reply.
Anyway, enough of that. In other news, I got into college next year. Remember I made that appeal? (probably not!) I had another interview and I got in! The woman that interviewed me said that she could tell there was something bothering me at the last interview but couldnt figure out what it was. Anyway, college. I better stick with it this time. Cant be doing with anymore timewasting. I'll leave that upto the little chavs that are at colllege cos 'its something to do'.
Am gonna get dressed and get ready for work now. Am working 12 til 5 then I'm going to Rainbow's tonight to help out, like I used to. So busy day.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. xx
Ive managed to get myself a job. Its not brilliant or ideal but it gets me a bit of pocket money. I work in an icecream parlour in town. Like every job, it has its pro's and cons.
I havent been feeling too good tis last month though. I get upset or worked up too easily and I end up crying at small things. I cant help it. It was my 22nd birthday last month (10th June) and instead of goind out to meet some friends in the evening, I ended up crying most of the night. A birthday isnt a birthday without a card from your big brother, so I wasnt fussed about celebrating anyway. I dont think people get that. Think they expect you to move on after a couple of weeks and just forget about it. I dont get people asking me how I am anymore or saying that it'll be ok/you can talk to me bout it/blah-de-blah crap if I say Im feeling low. Everyones too busy with their own lives. Theres no-one to talk to about it anymore, unless I go blubbing to my mum but I cant keepdoing that cos its not fair on her. So I sit and stew, and thats why I get worked up. Like the other day, my mum sent Kate a text asking if she wanted anything sending through for Megan for a treat, but she replied saying 'I dont want anything from you and I dont want you texting me' which I thought was a bit out of line, seeing as my mum hasnt done anything to upset her that we know of, infact she's done the complete opposite - she's bend over backwards to make Kate feel welcome and part of the family. So mum sent her a text back (because we havent managed to get her on the phone, nobody ever answers) saying that it was a treat for Megan from her gran, her daddys mum, as its coming up to Lee's birthday (25th July) and could she really deny her of that aswell? The reply said something along the lines of 'I dont want anything to do with you after the way you've treated me and I dont want you anywhere near my daughter after you behaviour and I dont want you texting me'. Now to me, that is a complete pile of crap because mums done nothing wrong. If theres anyone to be had a go at then its Kate for HER behaviour: cutting us out of the funeral arrangments, having to find out info for ourselves direct from the coroners office or funeral directors, cos Kate or her family didnt bother to ring up and tell us. We got fuck all from them. And when we did get through to them on the phone, mum only got to speak to Kates parents and they were banging on about 'how much of a nice lad he was' and 'he loved Kate and Megan so much', and coming out with things that MY mum should have been saying. We'd completely been pushed out of the picture like we were nobodies. Also, at the funeral, they all completely blanked my family and Lee's friends etc when we'd made so much effort to be nice to them. Its completely out of order. Kate did nothing but stress Lee out with her foul tempers, mood swings and constant demands. He worshipped the ground she walked on and looked after Megan while she went off and do her own thing and spent all the income on her self, getting them further and further into debt, ate nothing but take-aways and made absolute zilch effort when she was with my family, eg, if they came over to see us for a day or two, or if my mum wanted to go through and see them then it had to be alright with Kate (which it wasnt most of the time), and when she could, Kate would just go to bed or be a miserable cow and not say anything. I think all the stress she caused Lee pushed him over the edge. I know it sounds a bit harsh but thats the way I think it is. Mum told me the other night that Lee once rang up my mum saying that Kate had got into one of her moods and bashed Lee's head against the wall so my mum called the police but when they went round they just put it down to a domestic! How dumb is that?! We still havent got any of Lee's ashes yet as promised or the gold chain my mum got Lee for his 21st that she would like back, because we dont have anything else. So when I get the chance, Im going through and getting them myself. Ive asked Kate to sort a day so that I can collect them but I havent had any reply.
Anyway, enough of that. In other news, I got into college next year. Remember I made that appeal? (probably not!) I had another interview and I got in! The woman that interviewed me said that she could tell there was something bothering me at the last interview but couldnt figure out what it was. Anyway, college. I better stick with it this time. Cant be doing with anymore timewasting. I'll leave that upto the little chavs that are at colllege cos 'its something to do'.
Am gonna get dressed and get ready for work now. Am working 12 til 5 then I'm going to Rainbow's tonight to help out, like I used to. So busy day.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. xx