Robots
I feel like there are two of me at all times.
It started raining earlier and lightning in the distance. Warm rain. Sky lights.
So I decided to go watch it for a while. I got a blanket and put it down on the grass and laid out in the rain naked watching the sky.
At times like that, I am human. JUST human. Nothing else. All by myself and calm and...complacent. Those kinds of feelings that those moments bring me are some of my favorite and they are not possible to fake. Maybe its because they are not possible to fake that they are my favorite. Wouldn't it be nice to just...be. I am able to think at those times. Untainted. Unbiased. Just thoughts. I like those thoughts.
A few weeks ago I tutored half a class of math students. They were all lost. They all had questions. Everything about the environment was hectic. I thrived in it. It made me feel good. People, problems, conversation, interactions. At times like these my mind is so loaded that it is hard to seperate one thought from another. They just come. And I deal with them in whatever order seems appropriate. Moments like this make me feel human. The human that WE are, as an evolved society. I like that feeling.
I feel myself battling on the inside.
~~~~~~I want a life of pure....existence.
No~~~~I want a life of pure....chaos.
Is there a middle ground? Can I be happy in the middle? I don't know. The middle seems so....average. I don't think my mind can stay sane in the presence of pure....average.
Is it a battle? Am I going to come to a conclusion one day that is going to send me on a random crazy tangent that holds my every thought and all my attention?
I hope so.
It started raining earlier and lightning in the distance. Warm rain. Sky lights.
So I decided to go watch it for a while. I got a blanket and put it down on the grass and laid out in the rain naked watching the sky.
At times like that, I am human. JUST human. Nothing else. All by myself and calm and...complacent. Those kinds of feelings that those moments bring me are some of my favorite and they are not possible to fake. Maybe its because they are not possible to fake that they are my favorite. Wouldn't it be nice to just...be. I am able to think at those times. Untainted. Unbiased. Just thoughts. I like those thoughts.
A few weeks ago I tutored half a class of math students. They were all lost. They all had questions. Everything about the environment was hectic. I thrived in it. It made me feel good. People, problems, conversation, interactions. At times like these my mind is so loaded that it is hard to seperate one thought from another. They just come. And I deal with them in whatever order seems appropriate. Moments like this make me feel human. The human that WE are, as an evolved society. I like that feeling.
I feel myself battling on the inside.
~~~~~~I want a life of pure....existence.
No~~~~I want a life of pure....chaos.
Is there a middle ground? Can I be happy in the middle? I don't know. The middle seems so....average. I don't think my mind can stay sane in the presence of pure....average.
Is it a battle? Am I going to come to a conclusion one day that is going to send me on a random crazy tangent that holds my every thought and all my attention?
I hope so.