(no subject)
Does anyone know that feeling that you just want to cry for hours and hours? Does anyone know the feeling that you want to hurt yourself to make the emotional pain go away?
Sorry for being depressing, but it's not like my life is getting any better. I mean, it's slowly getting worse, almost. It's very stressful. Not because of school or anything; I am actually glad for that so I can get out of this stupid house. It's stressful in the way that I worry way too much about things, and I can't help myself. I think about things and then I get paranoid about them. I worry that when I come home some night, mom is going to be in a bad mood, and things won't go well. That's a stupid worry, but I still do it. I worry about a lot of things that I don't wish to name. There's nothing I can do about it to stop worrying.
Tonight I just want to cry. Cry and rip apart my worries, and my head, and my life. Cry and not care. Cry and be depressed. Cry and hurt myself. I hate this.
I don't want to be like this forever. I want to be okay. I want things to be happy for me. It's not like things aren't happy for me, I just want every aspect of my whole life to be figured out and like they used to. Before I decided to screw things up.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll just have to live and wait. I am not patient. I hate waiting. But it's what I have to do.
Sorry for being depressing, but it's not like my life is getting any better. I mean, it's slowly getting worse, almost. It's very stressful. Not because of school or anything; I am actually glad for that so I can get out of this stupid house. It's stressful in the way that I worry way too much about things, and I can't help myself. I think about things and then I get paranoid about them. I worry that when I come home some night, mom is going to be in a bad mood, and things won't go well. That's a stupid worry, but I still do it. I worry about a lot of things that I don't wish to name. There's nothing I can do about it to stop worrying.
Tonight I just want to cry. Cry and rip apart my worries, and my head, and my life. Cry and not care. Cry and be depressed. Cry and hurt myself. I hate this.
I don't want to be like this forever. I want to be okay. I want things to be happy for me. It's not like things aren't happy for me, I just want every aspect of my whole life to be figured out and like they used to. Before I decided to screw things up.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll just have to live and wait. I am not patient. I hate waiting. But it's what I have to do.