(no subject)
to go with my last post...
i guess after just getting off at 11. folding all those damn toddlers clothes by myself. it semi hit me. That im worth more then this.
Not that im blaming my parents for anything. But for most of my life, they never really expected anything from me. and some of you might think, what's wrong with that? People complain, my parents want me to be this, they want me to do that. and sometimes, i wished my parents did. (Specifically my mom, just because now, her thoughts are thee most important) not that im complaining of how they raised me. cause you would think, a kid with so much freedom would be running and muck, be some ungrateful piece of shit. and im not. im so grateful of what i have, my family, my life. i wouldnt trade it for anything.
but...with no expectations of me from my parents, i sorta kinda instilled that onto my life. and im not blaming them, im just making connections. but with them not expecting of me, they settle for what i do. and for most of my life, I have settled. I settled on things, things that I could have possibly have made better for myself.
I settled on my education...i settled on just getting the okay grade of C's and B's, on my marketing major of which i still dont know if it's right for me, i semi settled of SFSU cause i didnt really try to apply anywhere else and they said yes and so forth.
I settled on boys...Onel, just said okay cause i wanted a 1st bf already, benny, cause i just liked being in a relationship/sex, and so on.
I settled on jobs...disney, h&m, 24 fitness, nummi and now old navy. granted its good to test out the fields and to see what i like. but i still feel like i settled.
and so on. i just settle. will this blog ever make me change my mind, quite possibly. I'll prob think more the next time I feel like i settled. cause if i don't expect anything of myself or for myself, will anyone really expect anything out of me?
...after re-reading this, I dont know if it came out the way i wanted it too. lol. im settling already. fawk. but I dont know if it came out as passionate as i wanted it too. but who knows. I'll settle on this for now. but know, I am passionate. and that i hope with all my heart, i will find someone/something that I love. I will not settle for mediocre no more. except food. haha. but yea.
i guess after just getting off at 11. folding all those damn toddlers clothes by myself. it semi hit me. That im worth more then this.
Not that im blaming my parents for anything. But for most of my life, they never really expected anything from me. and some of you might think, what's wrong with that? People complain, my parents want me to be this, they want me to do that. and sometimes, i wished my parents did. (Specifically my mom, just because now, her thoughts are thee most important) not that im complaining of how they raised me. cause you would think, a kid with so much freedom would be running and muck, be some ungrateful piece of shit. and im not. im so grateful of what i have, my family, my life. i wouldnt trade it for anything.
but...with no expectations of me from my parents, i sorta kinda instilled that onto my life. and im not blaming them, im just making connections. but with them not expecting of me, they settle for what i do. and for most of my life, I have settled. I settled on things, things that I could have possibly have made better for myself.
I settled on my education...i settled on just getting the okay grade of C's and B's, on my marketing major of which i still dont know if it's right for me, i semi settled of SFSU cause i didnt really try to apply anywhere else and they said yes and so forth.
I settled on boys...Onel, just said okay cause i wanted a 1st bf already, benny, cause i just liked being in a relationship/sex, and so on.
I settled on jobs...disney, h&m, 24 fitness, nummi and now old navy. granted its good to test out the fields and to see what i like. but i still feel like i settled.
and so on. i just settle. will this blog ever make me change my mind, quite possibly. I'll prob think more the next time I feel like i settled. cause if i don't expect anything of myself or for myself, will anyone really expect anything out of me?
...after re-reading this, I dont know if it came out the way i wanted it too. lol. im settling already. fawk. but I dont know if it came out as passionate as i wanted it too. but who knows. I'll settle on this for now. but know, I am passionate. and that i hope with all my heart, i will find someone/something that I love. I will not settle for mediocre no more. except food. haha. but yea.