(no subject)
There's been so much time that I don't even want to post about Spring Break. In short? It was awesome.
Jess and Greg have proven to be wonderful additions to my social circle. I definitely enjoy their company. Gotten to hang out with Jess a bunch of times. Gotten to talk to Greg more than hang out with him... but when the semester slows down, hopefully we'll be able to see more of each other.
Also... I'd like to get to know Darbie better. She's pretty great. I had a ton of fun getting to know her and I'd like to continue.
I met a couple great guys in NC. Also met a bunch of shitty ones. Unfortunately for me, I put too much faith into the shitty ones, and not enough faith into the great ones. Once again, goes back to what Colby said to me the last night we were there.
Life's been a rollercoaster lately. These past few weeks have been uncontrollably chaotic. And then unconditionally smooth. It's weird. Some days the sky is falling down on me and the next everything just fits into place.
Learning CBT. Not sure how I feel about it. I lie to everyone about it. I really do, and it's bad. Well... almost everyone. Justin and Carolyn know, but that's it. Not sure how I feel about it. I know everything. I just need someone to vent to. I have too much going on right now.
My family hates me. Flat out. I mean, I know my sister and my mom love me, but my dad hates me. I got a cell phone plan of my own because he told me he was cancelling mine. Then the next day he flipped out because I took his advice and got my own phone. Really? What do you want from me? I think my mom feeds into it sometime.
For whatever reason, I've been pretty secretive about my love life. Not that there's really much to it... but still. You know. I have been keeping it to myself. Not because I'm embarassed, but because I'm afraid. I'm never afraid, and I never have inhibitions. But Colby has gotten into my head with his words. A simple, "I know" and all I do is think now. Jess is lucky to have such a great guy in her life. I'm lucky that he called me out on something so intensly sensitive that no one has attempted to break the barrier.
My roommate. I love him, great guy. And now he's in my heart forever. I miss him. I mean, yeah we still live together, but differences of opinion have kept us from being as close lately. His goal is to "turn" me into a girl by the time our lease is up. Hmmmm. First trip was awkward. Got one of those shirt dress things and a skirt. A WHITE skirt. Imagine that? We'll see. That might be a work only number, but we'll see what happens. He said something to me the other day.... that I have "fat girl syndrome." Essentially... I still get excited when any guy shows interest in me... even if I know that said guy isn't good enough/not a creep. Whatev. Tonight I said something about being a fat girl and he was like, "ex-fatgirl." Makes me feel good that the second most judgemental person in my life doesn't think I'm fat.
I hope Mel doesn't think I'm fat either.
That's another thing. Body image. I gotta get over this. I HAVE to. No excuses. There's nothing wrong with being a size 6, and there's nothing wrong with the shape that I have. Granted, I still look like hell in a swimsuit, but it's all good. I don't have time to go to the beach anyways. I just have to get over this and let it be. Other people can accept me for me, now I just have to.
It's so weird. I'm so accepting of other people that I forget that I have to view myself as wholly good... even if I do make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It's human nature.
Speaking of Mel, I miss her.
Got to see Cheryl on Friday. I love her, a lot. Got to see Kristin Donlan as well... wow, it was good to see her. I haven't seen her since graduation, and it was wonderful that she remembered as vividly as I do the last few times we've hung out... even if they were 3 years ago. She's invited me to go kayaking with her this summer, and I can't wait to go. I'm pretty pumped!!
And now? To get my school work on track. This semester is pretty much done for. As long as I can maintain and A in experimental psychology and whatever fucking grades I have in abnormal psychology and theories of personality.... and drop my other two classes, I should be fine. I have all summer to get my grades up, and fall semester next year.
I need to stop thinking, stop analyzing. Stop stressing about what will be, what is, and what should have been.
Time to put together a case study.
Until next time...
Jess and Greg have proven to be wonderful additions to my social circle. I definitely enjoy their company. Gotten to hang out with Jess a bunch of times. Gotten to talk to Greg more than hang out with him... but when the semester slows down, hopefully we'll be able to see more of each other.
Also... I'd like to get to know Darbie better. She's pretty great. I had a ton of fun getting to know her and I'd like to continue.
I met a couple great guys in NC. Also met a bunch of shitty ones. Unfortunately for me, I put too much faith into the shitty ones, and not enough faith into the great ones. Once again, goes back to what Colby said to me the last night we were there.
Life's been a rollercoaster lately. These past few weeks have been uncontrollably chaotic. And then unconditionally smooth. It's weird. Some days the sky is falling down on me and the next everything just fits into place.
Learning CBT. Not sure how I feel about it. I lie to everyone about it. I really do, and it's bad. Well... almost everyone. Justin and Carolyn know, but that's it. Not sure how I feel about it. I know everything. I just need someone to vent to. I have too much going on right now.
My family hates me. Flat out. I mean, I know my sister and my mom love me, but my dad hates me. I got a cell phone plan of my own because he told me he was cancelling mine. Then the next day he flipped out because I took his advice and got my own phone. Really? What do you want from me? I think my mom feeds into it sometime.
For whatever reason, I've been pretty secretive about my love life. Not that there's really much to it... but still. You know. I have been keeping it to myself. Not because I'm embarassed, but because I'm afraid. I'm never afraid, and I never have inhibitions. But Colby has gotten into my head with his words. A simple, "I know" and all I do is think now. Jess is lucky to have such a great guy in her life. I'm lucky that he called me out on something so intensly sensitive that no one has attempted to break the barrier.
My roommate. I love him, great guy. And now he's in my heart forever. I miss him. I mean, yeah we still live together, but differences of opinion have kept us from being as close lately. His goal is to "turn" me into a girl by the time our lease is up. Hmmmm. First trip was awkward. Got one of those shirt dress things and a skirt. A WHITE skirt. Imagine that? We'll see. That might be a work only number, but we'll see what happens. He said something to me the other day.... that I have "fat girl syndrome." Essentially... I still get excited when any guy shows interest in me... even if I know that said guy isn't good enough/not a creep. Whatev. Tonight I said something about being a fat girl and he was like, "ex-fatgirl." Makes me feel good that the second most judgemental person in my life doesn't think I'm fat.
I hope Mel doesn't think I'm fat either.
That's another thing. Body image. I gotta get over this. I HAVE to. No excuses. There's nothing wrong with being a size 6, and there's nothing wrong with the shape that I have. Granted, I still look like hell in a swimsuit, but it's all good. I don't have time to go to the beach anyways. I just have to get over this and let it be. Other people can accept me for me, now I just have to.
It's so weird. I'm so accepting of other people that I forget that I have to view myself as wholly good... even if I do make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It's human nature.
Speaking of Mel, I miss her.
Got to see Cheryl on Friday. I love her, a lot. Got to see Kristin Donlan as well... wow, it was good to see her. I haven't seen her since graduation, and it was wonderful that she remembered as vividly as I do the last few times we've hung out... even if they were 3 years ago. She's invited me to go kayaking with her this summer, and I can't wait to go. I'm pretty pumped!!
And now? To get my school work on track. This semester is pretty much done for. As long as I can maintain and A in experimental psychology and whatever fucking grades I have in abnormal psychology and theories of personality.... and drop my other two classes, I should be fine. I have all summer to get my grades up, and fall semester next year.
I need to stop thinking, stop analyzing. Stop stressing about what will be, what is, and what should have been.
Time to put together a case study.
Until next time...