(no subject)
So, I'm feeling this burning desire to write. Write write write. It's all I want to do. But considering I've just written 7 oh-so intellectually stimulating pages of a paper that is due tomorrow I don't want to.
But I feel like I have a ton on my mind and I don't know why. I was a miserable bitch tonight and I have no clue why. I was just angry. Not at anyone, not at any thing, but just mad. Maybe it was the situation or the fact that the only person talking to me was even angrier. Maybe it was being in a semi-familiar place with no familiar faces and not having fun. I had to go outside and call my sister. Just to talk to a friendly voice and feel loved.
I feel like there's 38,000 things to write about. I just want to explain my life thus far. Get it all out so that I can physically see what I'm feeling and what's happened and analyze the hell out of myself.... because... well, that's what I do. I analyze. I think until my brain hurts. Hell, I've even started to analyze my kitten. Unconscious desires, motives, animal instinct, etc.
I want to make a list. A list of everything that's on my mind and just get it out. See it organganized so that I can pull pieces out and figure out exactly where in my head I'm messed up. Or... where in my head I'm excellent.
I need to start free writing again. Maybe a quick one right now... because I need to do it so I can focus on finishing my paper and not be so rude and bitchy to Carolyn.. because I'm at her house.
Quick free write:
Lost. Wander quick slow breathing cold lungs ache love. Cool air on the back of my neck. Hair free and flowing. Glasses. Wire rimmed piercing eyes. Violating. Probing. My soul's on the table. Bleak and scared. Metal taste. Soft sweet, innocent- but only in appearance. Close far hard to understand. Sharp curves. Beautiful and misunderstood. Swimming in denim not meant for her skin, stepping in someone elses shoes. Not the owners, a whole new realm of thought. Crash. Burn. Rising up from her own ashes, born again of nothing. Think think think hard and make it right. Can't. Closed eyes an escape from everything. Hours later it's all still lit. Fire's burning out.
But I feel like I have a ton on my mind and I don't know why. I was a miserable bitch tonight and I have no clue why. I was just angry. Not at anyone, not at any thing, but just mad. Maybe it was the situation or the fact that the only person talking to me was even angrier. Maybe it was being in a semi-familiar place with no familiar faces and not having fun. I had to go outside and call my sister. Just to talk to a friendly voice and feel loved.
I feel like there's 38,000 things to write about. I just want to explain my life thus far. Get it all out so that I can physically see what I'm feeling and what's happened and analyze the hell out of myself.... because... well, that's what I do. I analyze. I think until my brain hurts. Hell, I've even started to analyze my kitten. Unconscious desires, motives, animal instinct, etc.
I want to make a list. A list of everything that's on my mind and just get it out. See it organganized so that I can pull pieces out and figure out exactly where in my head I'm messed up. Or... where in my head I'm excellent.
I need to start free writing again. Maybe a quick one right now... because I need to do it so I can focus on finishing my paper and not be so rude and bitchy to Carolyn.. because I'm at her house.
Quick free write:
Lost. Wander quick slow breathing cold lungs ache love. Cool air on the back of my neck. Hair free and flowing. Glasses. Wire rimmed piercing eyes. Violating. Probing. My soul's on the table. Bleak and scared. Metal taste. Soft sweet, innocent- but only in appearance. Close far hard to understand. Sharp curves. Beautiful and misunderstood. Swimming in denim not meant for her skin, stepping in someone elses shoes. Not the owners, a whole new realm of thought. Crash. Burn. Rising up from her own ashes, born again of nothing. Think think think hard and make it right. Can't. Closed eyes an escape from everything. Hours later it's all still lit. Fire's burning out.