(no subject)
I think the last I updated was last Thursday-ish? I worked and went to the gym with Amber... I'm not even going to mention what we did afterwards, ugh. Talk about no control.
Friday I worked and I had plans, but I ended up breaking them to sleep. Saturday I worked and I had plans, but once again ended up breaking them to sleep. Sunday I worked all day and then hung out with Melanie at night. She was home for a bit. I miss her so much when she's away. But that's her new home now and I'm happy for her. Monday I worked all day, and I'm not sure what I did that night, but I feel like I did something.
Who knows. Tuesday was my day off, so I slept in a bit and got things done around here. I met Cheryl for a late lunch in Hackettstown, and we went shopping at Marshall's... because I haven't been there since it was the Hackettstown Mall.. and we got swimsuits.. which was really nice, and really unexpected. Later that afternoon Justin came over and we went swimming. That was great, I wasn't planning on actually swimming, but I did.. the water was actually decent and I did enjoy myself... which I rarely say about the time I spend in a swim suit. Anyways, it started to get rainy and windy so we headed to his house for a bit, which was also nice.
Wednesday I worked and then CJ and I went to the movies! We had some time to kill first, so we went to the mall and got iced coffee, which was fantastic! We went to see Over The Hedge which was absolutely super cute. I reccommend it to anyone! It was just adorable! I can't say enough about it...
Thursday I worked a closing shift and I had the worst migraine ever. I felt terrible, and I can only imagine how bad I looked. I've never had one like that before. My stomach was in knots and my hearing was all weird. My ears were ringing for a bit, then everything was muffled and far away sounding. I was really dizzy, and in general not a happy camper. Oh well, I toughed it out and it's over. Luckily Michele is prone to migraines and knew how I felt, so if I wasn't needed on register she had me doing standards. I was supposed to go out after work, but I felt terrible, so I just went home and slept.
Today I worked 8-12, and then I met my mom for lunch. After that I picked up Mel and we drove all over creation. Eventually our driving led to Showtime, and we talked to Shawn about tattoos... she's excited... but mostly nervous. Which of course, makes this whole process even more enjoyable. Heh. Anyways.. did that, drove everywhich way again, parted ways for a bit. I napped, I think she did too, and then we went to Dairy Queen for some ice cream and good conversation. That was followed with seeing The Break Up with Matt. It was nice of him to come out and see us... and I think he got a huge kick out of the movie.
And now I'm here! Typing my life away. But it's so much easier than writing in an actual journal. I hate my handwriting and there's no delete button with that.
I'm so glad it's been raining so much lately. I really enjoy it. Minus wet socks. I abhor wet socks. But anyways, while we were waiting for the movie Mel and I sat in my car and listened to the rain and the oh-so-smooth sound of Josh Groban crooning directly to us... and our incredibly tone-deafness only added to the enjoyment. Ah, I love her. We're finally at the point in our friendship where we don't resent each others flaws... we just roll our eyes at them and get on with things. I'm glad she's finally happy with her life, and is happy for me and the decisions I'm making. That's the great thing about Mel, she'll never hesitate to put me in my place and tell me when I'm wrong, but she tells me when she thinks I'm doing things right as well.
So what else is going on? With each day that passes, I'm more ready to get out of this house. I'm sure I'll be fine.. and I really just can't stand to be here anymore. I hate the constant questions. The less you ask and pry, the more I'll volunteer. I hate the random "groundings" and yelling sessions that rarely stem from me being a pain in the ass... and are mostly because my dad does not understand how to efficiently communicate with people. If he tells me one more time that I need to fill out paper work that he has about my car, and he does not produce this paper work, I'm going to lose it. If I have to hear him talk about money problems one more time I'm going to flip out. It always starts with, "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but.." or "I shouldn't be talking to you about this, but.." well, if you don't know why and you shouldn't, then please, please don't. I've heard the exact same thing about our money situation going on 15 times now. It's like he scripts each conversation that he has with me, and then when he forgets that he has had it with me, he recites it again. I'm not 12, and I don't need to be lectured. I'm a big girl and I can figure it out on my own. Who cares if I screw up, I'm young and that's what I'm supposed to do.
It's sad that it's the summer and I'm worried about school. Well, I wouldn't say that I'm worried about it, but I just don't know. I have to get a Tb shot to be able to go to ESU, and I'm shuffling my feet with it. I really, really, REALLY do not want to get it done. I just don't. I've been told that any way you look at it, this is a losing battle for me. I had a threaded 13 gauge needle in my chest. Voluntarily. I had the same in my tongue and I believe that is what was used in my ear... both times. Anyways, I can't whine and cry about getting a little air pumped under the surface of my skin if I'm completely fine with metal being jabbed into my body leaving lasting holes. It's different though. I think if piercing places were pristine and white, freezing cold, and had a stuffy atmosphere, I wouldn't be able to get piercings either. Oh well. Maybe if I get up early tomorrow I'll call... I have a few days off this week so I think I can get it done.
Wow. I just shocked myself. Mel's mentioned my quirk where I don't really like labels-- of any sort.... and I don't. But when I don't have them, I feel like no one else understands because they don't understand me. Two seconds ago, I was asked a question pertaining to a certain title. Not so much for me, but for someone else in my life. When I informed the person who asked me the question that the title was incorrect... this person apologized for being nosey, and I said that he wasn't being nosey... that if I had that title for someone in my life right now, it would be so that everyone recognized what was going on.
So everyone ELSE knew what was going on.
And there it is, it never clicked in my head, but I knew I felt it. Now there's words to back it up. It don't need titles because I know how I feel reguardless of whether or not other people know how I feel. And that's okay.
I think I just had that revelation because I'm sick and tired of me not volunteering information, and then people asking questions about my relationships with others. Today alone I have had five conversations with five different people about what's going on in my life. And... if I wanted those people to know, I would have told them before they asked.
Oh well. Mel and I were talking about it today.... and it truely is sad that the one thing I looked forward to was drama dying out with my teenage years. If anything, it's only getting worse. And the sad part is, I feel like I'm observing more drama than I am creating. Granted, it's usually about me... but it's not like I'm starting the rumors, I'm just an unwilling observer.
I wish I could just fast forward another year so that I would be almost done with school and that much closer to having a real job. I already know what I want out of life, so hopefully then I'd be on the road to attaining those things. Hopefully I'll be out of this house and more independant.
I'm pretty pensive today. This lyric is a part of the Counting Crows song "Good Night Elizabeth" and it's great.
We couldn't all be cowboys
some of us are clowns
some of us are dancers on the midway
we roam from town to town
I hope that everybody can find a little flame
me, I say my prayers,
then I just light myself on fire
and I walk out on the wire once again
and I say
Hmm. We couldn't all be cowboys. We couldn't all be adored. Some of us settled for less than our best, and some of us are perpetually searching for what our "best" is. I hope that everyone can find what they're great at, and I know what I'm good at, and that's putting myself out there.
Adam Duritz, I would love to pick your brain. All the lyrics are so deep and I love that all of them are addressing a person or a situation... it's like the mellow version of Coheed and Cambria. Who, as we all know, are also one of my favorite bands.
I have so much more on my mind-- nothing bad though! Just things that I might save for a later day. I'm tired and tomorrow should be interesting. I can't wait to see Arianna. She's adorable.
Anyways, my bed's calling me.
Until next time...
Friday I worked and I had plans, but I ended up breaking them to sleep. Saturday I worked and I had plans, but once again ended up breaking them to sleep. Sunday I worked all day and then hung out with Melanie at night. She was home for a bit. I miss her so much when she's away. But that's her new home now and I'm happy for her. Monday I worked all day, and I'm not sure what I did that night, but I feel like I did something.
Who knows. Tuesday was my day off, so I slept in a bit and got things done around here. I met Cheryl for a late lunch in Hackettstown, and we went shopping at Marshall's... because I haven't been there since it was the Hackettstown Mall.. and we got swimsuits.. which was really nice, and really unexpected. Later that afternoon Justin came over and we went swimming. That was great, I wasn't planning on actually swimming, but I did.. the water was actually decent and I did enjoy myself... which I rarely say about the time I spend in a swim suit. Anyways, it started to get rainy and windy so we headed to his house for a bit, which was also nice.
Wednesday I worked and then CJ and I went to the movies! We had some time to kill first, so we went to the mall and got iced coffee, which was fantastic! We went to see Over The Hedge which was absolutely super cute. I reccommend it to anyone! It was just adorable! I can't say enough about it...
Thursday I worked a closing shift and I had the worst migraine ever. I felt terrible, and I can only imagine how bad I looked. I've never had one like that before. My stomach was in knots and my hearing was all weird. My ears were ringing for a bit, then everything was muffled and far away sounding. I was really dizzy, and in general not a happy camper. Oh well, I toughed it out and it's over. Luckily Michele is prone to migraines and knew how I felt, so if I wasn't needed on register she had me doing standards. I was supposed to go out after work, but I felt terrible, so I just went home and slept.
Today I worked 8-12, and then I met my mom for lunch. After that I picked up Mel and we drove all over creation. Eventually our driving led to Showtime, and we talked to Shawn about tattoos... she's excited... but mostly nervous. Which of course, makes this whole process even more enjoyable. Heh. Anyways.. did that, drove everywhich way again, parted ways for a bit. I napped, I think she did too, and then we went to Dairy Queen for some ice cream and good conversation. That was followed with seeing The Break Up with Matt. It was nice of him to come out and see us... and I think he got a huge kick out of the movie.
And now I'm here! Typing my life away. But it's so much easier than writing in an actual journal. I hate my handwriting and there's no delete button with that.
I'm so glad it's been raining so much lately. I really enjoy it. Minus wet socks. I abhor wet socks. But anyways, while we were waiting for the movie Mel and I sat in my car and listened to the rain and the oh-so-smooth sound of Josh Groban crooning directly to us... and our incredibly tone-deafness only added to the enjoyment. Ah, I love her. We're finally at the point in our friendship where we don't resent each others flaws... we just roll our eyes at them and get on with things. I'm glad she's finally happy with her life, and is happy for me and the decisions I'm making. That's the great thing about Mel, she'll never hesitate to put me in my place and tell me when I'm wrong, but she tells me when she thinks I'm doing things right as well.
So what else is going on? With each day that passes, I'm more ready to get out of this house. I'm sure I'll be fine.. and I really just can't stand to be here anymore. I hate the constant questions. The less you ask and pry, the more I'll volunteer. I hate the random "groundings" and yelling sessions that rarely stem from me being a pain in the ass... and are mostly because my dad does not understand how to efficiently communicate with people. If he tells me one more time that I need to fill out paper work that he has about my car, and he does not produce this paper work, I'm going to lose it. If I have to hear him talk about money problems one more time I'm going to flip out. It always starts with, "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but.." or "I shouldn't be talking to you about this, but.." well, if you don't know why and you shouldn't, then please, please don't. I've heard the exact same thing about our money situation going on 15 times now. It's like he scripts each conversation that he has with me, and then when he forgets that he has had it with me, he recites it again. I'm not 12, and I don't need to be lectured. I'm a big girl and I can figure it out on my own. Who cares if I screw up, I'm young and that's what I'm supposed to do.
It's sad that it's the summer and I'm worried about school. Well, I wouldn't say that I'm worried about it, but I just don't know. I have to get a Tb shot to be able to go to ESU, and I'm shuffling my feet with it. I really, really, REALLY do not want to get it done. I just don't. I've been told that any way you look at it, this is a losing battle for me. I had a threaded 13 gauge needle in my chest. Voluntarily. I had the same in my tongue and I believe that is what was used in my ear... both times. Anyways, I can't whine and cry about getting a little air pumped under the surface of my skin if I'm completely fine with metal being jabbed into my body leaving lasting holes. It's different though. I think if piercing places were pristine and white, freezing cold, and had a stuffy atmosphere, I wouldn't be able to get piercings either. Oh well. Maybe if I get up early tomorrow I'll call... I have a few days off this week so I think I can get it done.
Wow. I just shocked myself. Mel's mentioned my quirk where I don't really like labels-- of any sort.... and I don't. But when I don't have them, I feel like no one else understands because they don't understand me. Two seconds ago, I was asked a question pertaining to a certain title. Not so much for me, but for someone else in my life. When I informed the person who asked me the question that the title was incorrect... this person apologized for being nosey, and I said that he wasn't being nosey... that if I had that title for someone in my life right now, it would be so that everyone recognized what was going on.
So everyone ELSE knew what was going on.
And there it is, it never clicked in my head, but I knew I felt it. Now there's words to back it up. It don't need titles because I know how I feel reguardless of whether or not other people know how I feel. And that's okay.
I think I just had that revelation because I'm sick and tired of me not volunteering information, and then people asking questions about my relationships with others. Today alone I have had five conversations with five different people about what's going on in my life. And... if I wanted those people to know, I would have told them before they asked.
Oh well. Mel and I were talking about it today.... and it truely is sad that the one thing I looked forward to was drama dying out with my teenage years. If anything, it's only getting worse. And the sad part is, I feel like I'm observing more drama than I am creating. Granted, it's usually about me... but it's not like I'm starting the rumors, I'm just an unwilling observer.
I wish I could just fast forward another year so that I would be almost done with school and that much closer to having a real job. I already know what I want out of life, so hopefully then I'd be on the road to attaining those things. Hopefully I'll be out of this house and more independant.
I'm pretty pensive today. This lyric is a part of the Counting Crows song "Good Night Elizabeth" and it's great.
We couldn't all be cowboys
some of us are clowns
some of us are dancers on the midway
we roam from town to town
I hope that everybody can find a little flame
me, I say my prayers,
then I just light myself on fire
and I walk out on the wire once again
and I say
Hmm. We couldn't all be cowboys. We couldn't all be adored. Some of us settled for less than our best, and some of us are perpetually searching for what our "best" is. I hope that everyone can find what they're great at, and I know what I'm good at, and that's putting myself out there.
Adam Duritz, I would love to pick your brain. All the lyrics are so deep and I love that all of them are addressing a person or a situation... it's like the mellow version of Coheed and Cambria. Who, as we all know, are also one of my favorite bands.
I have so much more on my mind-- nothing bad though! Just things that I might save for a later day. I'm tired and tomorrow should be interesting. I can't wait to see Arianna. She's adorable.
Anyways, my bed's calling me.
Until next time...