stay up all night gettin drunk,sleepin on a hollow log
It's never a good day after a night of drinking a lot, smoking,walking around till about 6am and getting back at 7am, and being totally confused and depressed. Now all I feel is stupid, hungover,heartbroken, and depressed with a paper to write for Monday. I cant concentrate at all and I have no motivation to work on it.
Last night was fun but crazy. I went to Natalie and Julie's house for a little bit before going to the ECC to see Jeff and Phil play. Everything was good until damn Frampton kept getting me drinks, and 2 huge glasses of Blue Moon and Christmas Ale later I was pretty much done. Natlie and Julie had to go back home to Bainbridge and I wasnt ready to go back to my dorm with all the ghetto music playing, so I just sat and waited for the guys to finish packing up their stuff and then Dan took me and Jeff back to the boys' house.Then me,Jeff,Matt, and some other people just sat around drinking and using the crazy vapo and I really think I should have just stopped there. I was just kinda ridiculous. I always ruin everything,seriously. I think I am like Charlie Brown sometimes.
Then my brother Steve showed up which was funny. I think he gets really weirded out when he shows up to a party there and I am there, but it is his fault because he wanted me to meet all of them since they are around my age,like 19-21. Oh well, I think he is getting used to it. It is kinda weird though, I admit it. There has always been this huge age difference between us but now that I am 19 (half bday on the 1st,hah) it doesnt really matter.
Then Steve left but I dont know what I was doing and didnt get a ride, then I was sitting there talking to a few people who were still there after the boys went to bed and the others left and I didnt want to walk back to my dorm by myself.I was going to pass out on their couch downstairs,but Frampton was still there and came to my rescue,hah, but he had to walk to his friend's house to get his car which was pretty damn far and plus I was freezing.
it was just a weird, confusing night. It shouldn't have been, but I allowed myself to be a jackass.
I think this is the hardest time of my life. I dont really feel anything,just a total lack of self. In English class we are talking about characters who have lost their identity in a book we read, and I feel like I am losing my sense of identity.I dont know who I am, what I want, who are my real friends,or what makes me happy. I feel like I am going in a downward spiral. I feel like I don't have any friends anymore. No one ever calls me anymore or anything and I never get to see anyone now. I can see myself hanging out with natlie and julie a lot which is cool.
I just feel incredibly alone. I am totally lost. I dont want to do anything but sit in my dorm while at the same time I want to be out doing something. I honestly feel like I am in middle school again because I am kinda afraid of what people think of me. I want people to like me. The whole Jeff and the girls clan is kinda my type of group that I can find around here, but i dont know.Something is still missing. My complete happiness isnt there. I guess its also because I miss Anna, Brit, Katie, and even my friends here who I dont really get to see anymore.
I just hope I get out of this phase soon. I hate feeling so lost and confused about everything. Lost,confused,heartbroken, and depressed isnt a good combination.
Last night was fun but crazy. I went to Natalie and Julie's house for a little bit before going to the ECC to see Jeff and Phil play. Everything was good until damn Frampton kept getting me drinks, and 2 huge glasses of Blue Moon and Christmas Ale later I was pretty much done. Natlie and Julie had to go back home to Bainbridge and I wasnt ready to go back to my dorm with all the ghetto music playing, so I just sat and waited for the guys to finish packing up their stuff and then Dan took me and Jeff back to the boys' house.Then me,Jeff,Matt, and some other people just sat around drinking and using the crazy vapo and I really think I should have just stopped there. I was just kinda ridiculous. I always ruin everything,seriously. I think I am like Charlie Brown sometimes.
Then my brother Steve showed up which was funny. I think he gets really weirded out when he shows up to a party there and I am there, but it is his fault because he wanted me to meet all of them since they are around my age,like 19-21. Oh well, I think he is getting used to it. It is kinda weird though, I admit it. There has always been this huge age difference between us but now that I am 19 (half bday on the 1st,hah) it doesnt really matter.
Then Steve left but I dont know what I was doing and didnt get a ride, then I was sitting there talking to a few people who were still there after the boys went to bed and the others left and I didnt want to walk back to my dorm by myself.I was going to pass out on their couch downstairs,but Frampton was still there and came to my rescue,hah, but he had to walk to his friend's house to get his car which was pretty damn far and plus I was freezing.
it was just a weird, confusing night. It shouldn't have been, but I allowed myself to be a jackass.
I think this is the hardest time of my life. I dont really feel anything,just a total lack of self. In English class we are talking about characters who have lost their identity in a book we read, and I feel like I am losing my sense of identity.I dont know who I am, what I want, who are my real friends,or what makes me happy. I feel like I am going in a downward spiral. I feel like I don't have any friends anymore. No one ever calls me anymore or anything and I never get to see anyone now. I can see myself hanging out with natlie and julie a lot which is cool.
I just feel incredibly alone. I am totally lost. I dont want to do anything but sit in my dorm while at the same time I want to be out doing something. I honestly feel like I am in middle school again because I am kinda afraid of what people think of me. I want people to like me. The whole Jeff and the girls clan is kinda my type of group that I can find around here, but i dont know.Something is still missing. My complete happiness isnt there. I guess its also because I miss Anna, Brit, Katie, and even my friends here who I dont really get to see anymore.
I just hope I get out of this phase soon. I hate feeling so lost and confused about everything. Lost,confused,heartbroken, and depressed isnt a good combination.