(no subject)
Ode.
I want to cry and I want to be able to breathe and I just want so many things and none of them are happening.
I am just left to be by myself, let myself consume myself.
and the one person I want so much apart of, is desperately trying to push me as far away as possible.
I think it hurts more to be pushed away than anything else.
I want, god, i want so much from this fucking person and they won't let me have anything.
I'll take anything I can get, I want to do the past two years over again please.
I messed up and want a redo.
Please.
I feel like begging for a redo, but redo's dont happen.
they don't exist and I desperately need it before this hole in my chest gets any bigger.
BE WITH ME, just look at me, just smile, just do anything and i don't mind what it is.
I am on desperation and i don't care.
dignity and respect and dependence dont matter to me unless you want it from me.
I just want you, and no one else will be good enough.
why can't you keep your promises and just be with me?
thats all I want. you and me together for as long as life will let us be.
please, give me a better chance to win you over.
I can do it, just please love me and want me as badly as i need you.
I miss you and the world we developed, please just be with me.
I don't care what the world says, I don't care the people I leave for you.
you mean so much and it, this, hurts too much for me to just give up.
you hurt, broke, destroyed my spirit, i lost confidence, hope and respect for myself.
i should hate you, but i miss everything about you and i don't when i'll get better and just stop.
I would do a million things for you.
and a million things would never win you over.
you hurt me so bad, and all I want is for you to make it stop.