Doing Both
Dear Source,
I'm writing again. I think I'd like to meditate today. Am I going crazy? Maybe. I sat with myself a lot today. I sat with myself for the purpose of reintegrating old traumas - and who'd've thunk, old memories cropped up. Uncle Joe taking my bear away. Well more precisely, Uncle Joe shaming me for having a bear. It helped fuel the concept of feeling shame for what others perceive in me & not living up to their expectations. Crazy. Anywho. Thanks for showing me that.
I wanna feel good again. I think I'm gonna really like this stepping into my emotions and embracing them. I think I'd like to do both - shadow work and light work. As I was doing solely light work, nothing seemed to be changing all too much so how about doing both?
I'm gonna talk to Maria tomorrow. I'm glad I am. It's been a rough past two weeks and I think it's gonna be healthy to see her. I wonder where I will be when I read this message again later.
I wish Stephen would keep up on his clothes washing so I can get to mine.
Over the next few days Stephen and I will be dog sitting for Marlon. His dogs name is Yoshi or Yoshida. He's a very pretty dog.
I made an interesting observation about him. Apparently he broke his leg as a young dog. I had forgotten this one day while playing with him, and I picked him up by his front paws. He yelped in pain, and laid down. When I tried to come close to him, he growled and tried to bite me despite our friendly playings earlier. I realized after that he wasn't trying to be mean - he was lashing out because he was trying to protect himself from being physically hurt more than he was already hurting. And I realized people do that too. When people experience emotional trauma, they tend to move into cover emotions like anger to cover up the wound that was made. All lashing out is is evidence of a wound. It is naturally for people to want to protect themselves or defend themselves as they heal.
In seeing this, I realized I do the same thing - and I'd love to find that healing space. That's the point of doing shadow work.
I'm writing again. I think I'd like to meditate today. Am I going crazy? Maybe. I sat with myself a lot today. I sat with myself for the purpose of reintegrating old traumas - and who'd've thunk, old memories cropped up. Uncle Joe taking my bear away. Well more precisely, Uncle Joe shaming me for having a bear. It helped fuel the concept of feeling shame for what others perceive in me & not living up to their expectations. Crazy. Anywho. Thanks for showing me that.
I wanna feel good again. I think I'm gonna really like this stepping into my emotions and embracing them. I think I'd like to do both - shadow work and light work. As I was doing solely light work, nothing seemed to be changing all too much so how about doing both?
I'm gonna talk to Maria tomorrow. I'm glad I am. It's been a rough past two weeks and I think it's gonna be healthy to see her. I wonder where I will be when I read this message again later.
I wish Stephen would keep up on his clothes washing so I can get to mine.
Over the next few days Stephen and I will be dog sitting for Marlon. His dogs name is Yoshi or Yoshida. He's a very pretty dog.
I made an interesting observation about him. Apparently he broke his leg as a young dog. I had forgotten this one day while playing with him, and I picked him up by his front paws. He yelped in pain, and laid down. When I tried to come close to him, he growled and tried to bite me despite our friendly playings earlier. I realized after that he wasn't trying to be mean - he was lashing out because he was trying to protect himself from being physically hurt more than he was already hurting. And I realized people do that too. When people experience emotional trauma, they tend to move into cover emotions like anger to cover up the wound that was made. All lashing out is is evidence of a wound. It is naturally for people to want to protect themselves or defend themselves as they heal.
In seeing this, I realized I do the same thing - and I'd love to find that healing space. That's the point of doing shadow work.