i finally figured out what my dream meant....
on april 6 i dreamed that someone was going to betray me, and i really didnt know what to think about it. well it's not until some friends recent actions that i realized what the dream meant. it was my subconscience telling me that my friends were using me. and what sucks the most is that it took me a month and outside bystanders for me to realize it. just because i wear a sign that says "use me, i like it" doesnt meant that youre actually supposed to use me. fuck it. god people wonder why im so spiteful. hell its because when i make friends, theyre the wrong kind. i mean, theyre all good people, but their ignorant of their actions and i dont feel like dealing with it anymore. dont be surprised if i barely talk or associate myself anymore with certain people. whats that oldies song? if you should lose me, you'll lose a good thing.... its not too often i'll say things like this, but im better than that, and i deserve better tahn that. i've gone through far too much to deal with ignorance and stupidity anymore. its not too often, acutally no, i have NEVER given up on a friend, but right now i have to, i've been given no other choice. the amazing thing to is that im writing this completely clear headed and had about a week to really think about everything that im writing. actually i think thats the sad thing. i dont know anymore. by gvegas, i love you, we had some good times, but i NEED jersey right now. my mom is picking me up tomorrow and i should be home sometime saturday. most likely later at night cuz she wants to sight see. ugh. i hate virginia, (no offense fisty) but theres only civil war crap and all that bull that my mom likes going to see. im just so irritated by everything right now that i no longer can just be happy. i really am a masochist, thats the only way i can explain the attractions to guys that treat me terribly and the friends that use me. think about this and wonder if youve treated someone like this, and if you have appologize cuz if theyre smart they wont take it for long, god knows that im not.