Another Year, Go Figure!
Hello All.
It has been a long time. Long enough for the readership to dwindle to nothing. So, to you proposed few or fewer, here is this. It is a long tradition rooted in survival and importance. In the past, I linked the past. In this case, the past appears to be all there is. It is a falsity, but for the purposes of livejournal, a practical one. Here we go...
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Explore Asia, quit a very good job, go on tour, live in Tennessee, pursue an unabashed love affair, record a Christmas album, shit blood, and sit on a tiger.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Unfortunately my resolution of "see a dog see the ocean for the first time" failed miserably. I had many promising leads but, alas, none of the dogs fell in place. The next year's resolution is "eat a party sub on a party sub." If you can't tell, I'm being realistic.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not particularly. A few sisters’ friends but certainly much less than I'd expect from my demographic.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No! I'm happy to say this is the same as the last survey I completed in 2006. Unfortunately the lapse in 5 years of responses may be directly related to the 2007/2008 exoduses of those close to me. Devin, Grandpa Carnes and Grandpa Jones: I will miss you more that any words give justice. Thank you for giving me life.
5. What countries did you visit?
United States, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, and Canada.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
""a fulfilling romantical relationship, a job that gives me health-care, money to travel more than I did in 2005 (daunting, i know)." ---that was last year, which I am proud to say I have fully fulfilled. This year? Closure on a particular relationship or the active perusal of said relationship, an assurance of life plans, a room where I can keep my books and music and not feel like everyone expects me to leave soon." ----those were the past two years, and I took myself very seriously for them! I suppose I have closure on said relationship, have given up on having life plans, but am happy to say have a room with books and music I don't feel the need to/am required to flee from. This year I'd like to find closure on 2 different relationships (ugh), travel still more (doubtful, but still desirable), an income that allows for savings (most assuredly looking up!), stable companionship with someone I genuinely care for who lives in the same city as me.
2010 to 2011?
For the sake of consistency, I will leave the prior responses to this question. They are appropriately reflective and prophetic. While I don't necessarily relate to the specific goals mentioned, they do indicate seeds of my current pursuits. I've learned closure can mean accepting openness. Not to sound hokey, but I believe that anyone you have truly loved, you will always love. This means accepting that they are who they are and that doesn't have to translate into your ideal of them. It means accepting whatever relationship you can value-or in the worst case, muster-from them. It's bliss when viewed in the proper light. I still desire stable companionship with someone who can help me navigate this insane world. Hopefully someone with a sense of the absurdity and humor. Honestly, upon reading this question, I really desire the ability to appreciate what I already have. I spent a great deal of time in 2010 analyzing what I chose to do and why. Many of the opportunities were soured by next steps. I guess the question can adequately be summed up in one word: perspective.
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The dates mentioned in past surveys seem like faint memories. This survey is a foolish habit to ignore. For this year: February 27thish (the day I definitively quit my job, the top of a trampoline hard to descend from, the meaningful conversation with Parks about life as a bell curve), April 7th (arrival in Vietnam), May 10thish (tubing in Vien Viang aka nature defeats drunkenness), June 11-13 (2nd Hillstock, sexual confidence, collaborative possibilities), August 11 (meteors for days), October 10 (vacation from Return, Bomb plays Weezer), November 27 (Meth Dad, Colby D'Heart show=acceptance and bliss in Tennessee), and December 20 (Mother announcing engagement. It's bliss).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Despite the prior years verbally fluid and, at times, eloquent response, I'd rather shed them all. This year I have worked toward effectively embracing the void. Seeing lack of definitives (specifically in career and relationship realms) as opportunities rather than failures. I shed my job, which consistently made me unhappy and regretful of my use of time and energy. I diminished my cynicism to a healthy dose rather than an all-consuming grump. Most of all, I embraced my chance to say "YES!" to opportunity (and followed through on that "YES!").
9. What was your biggest failure?
As always, linked to achievement, eh? I fool-hardily said yes without proper contemplation of the terms and necessary respect involved (this refers to band matters, nothing porny, gross-wad). Inability to distance myself from/resolve irreparable expectations from past lovers. Body snarking and general self-consciousness.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
"janelle the gazelle, that's what they call me. And gazelles dont get injured.... they get mauled"
While this prior response is hilarious, it's not informative. 2010 found me with a broken toe (complete with a navy seal carrying me out of a bar), general tour bruises (from poor iron intake, excessive load-bearing jobs and general rough-housing), and the usual bloody fingers and sore backs.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A talking animal clock for an undetermined owner! A fleece kitten blanket featuring approximately 8 kittens in a basket! A plane ticket to the other side of the world! A new external hard drive? Nah! Maybe the fish tank that was a craigslist pricing unexpected return boom!
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, booze, brunch, and moving.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
$ound$ (hopefully not a fool-hardy, misguided exportation of energy), In Between (same as before), Asian exploration, quitting my job, tour, and the possibility of love without the restrictions of schedules. Oh! And the remote possibility of finding work that is interesting, productive, and available. Remote, but still.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
What's my Name. That Justice song that goes "I see you standing over there/Why don't you come on over here"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder - Happier
Older or wiser - Both
Thinner or fatter? - Thinner (Goodbye desk job, hello months without cheese and a budget!)
Richer or poorer? - Poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
General exercise, spending time with my cat, reading, correspondence, and actually doing things I profess to be doing (i.e.: reversing the "it's my idea, not my project" syndrome).
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Focusing on what might have been and missing what once was and analyzing what I don't like in others as a means to identify what I don't like in myself.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent in Kansas, per usual, surrounded my mother's fiancé’s family, per very unusual. The historic family played "Redneck Life" (I amassed a whopping 11 children named Darryl), whilst my mother drank wine and the rest of the household cooed over a baby and were generally merry. The friend side consisted of excessive shots with jew-teronomy, tearing up wallpaper, and a lack of appropriate car music. The holiday traditions were notably altered in that I will most likely be based out of my sister's house going forward and the "nuclear family" as such as exponentially grown.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Not with a person, but I'd like to think I chiseled a more appropriate idea of the concept at large.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
I watched Mad Men, 30 Rock, The Office, Modern Family, and Skins. None of them were particular favorites but Mad Men has the alternatives beat for drama and Modern Family for comedy. Skins is just a realistic depression of teens. I guess that counts it as my most favorite.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Apparently I hated someone enough in 2007 to merit a survey mention. I don't recall this person, so I will rely on the plank I stated in the "less of" question: I'd like to foster less of characteristics I don't wish to foster in myself. It's harder when these same characteristics are valued in others. That being said, I hate undeliberate speakers, uncomposed imbibers and those who value relationships/circumstances on extrinsic qualities.
26. What was the best book you read?
2010 found me woefully under-read-fed. However, I enjoyed In Cold Blood, Kafka on the Shore, the Unbearable Lightness of Being, Women, and the parts of Gravity's Rainbow I attempted to devour.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rafter, Ssssnake, and the Dovekins as musicians and to play with. Harry Nielsen and Graham Parsons to obsessively listen to.
28. What did you want and get?
No more job on Wall Street, the opportunity to go on tour, travel around Asia, several meaningful heart-to-hearts with Mr. Billig, a docile house I can imagine living in long-term, and a great deal of freedom.
29. What did you want and not get?
Reciprocal love and a crystal clear path of employment.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wise Blood (under heavy influence of Koch) and the long string of Trash Mountain VHS tapes.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 27 and went to work at the Brew Shop, stopped by Jon and Eric's, met Mark on the side of the road for a ride to Williamsburg, met up with Laura Stevenson and the Cans in the Knitting Factory Bar, watched a short amount of Franz Nicoli's horrible set, drank with Peter in the bar, watched a magnificent set from Laura et al, where Liam and I came up with an idea to mock Terrance on twitter, smiled uncontrollably, returned to the bar, had drinks with amazing people and returned to Jon and Eric's full of glee. Then I probably watched some sad documentary.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Knowing I was doing the right thing to do.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Business casual turned to comfortable chic.
34. What kept you sane?
Busy-ness (not to be mistaken with business), my mother, my brief time with a therapist, my sister, noah, peter, lindsay, and gertrudis.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I honestly don't care.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Making corporations into private citizens. Thanks, Supreme Court!
37. Who did you miss?
my sister, conor, gary, devin - all the same as before only this time with more layers!
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Tyler, Ricki Dawn, Taylor, Colby, Joe Vo, Russell, Amber, Patrick. It's hard to remember the NY-ers that should be included.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Expect nothing; Embrace everything.
40. Quote a song the sums up 2010?
"Cuz we'd all be sad and fucking sad and shit"
It has been a long time. Long enough for the readership to dwindle to nothing. So, to you proposed few or fewer, here is this. It is a long tradition rooted in survival and importance. In the past, I linked the past. In this case, the past appears to be all there is. It is a falsity, but for the purposes of livejournal, a practical one. Here we go...
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Explore Asia, quit a very good job, go on tour, live in Tennessee, pursue an unabashed love affair, record a Christmas album, shit blood, and sit on a tiger.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Unfortunately my resolution of "see a dog see the ocean for the first time" failed miserably. I had many promising leads but, alas, none of the dogs fell in place. The next year's resolution is "eat a party sub on a party sub." If you can't tell, I'm being realistic.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not particularly. A few sisters’ friends but certainly much less than I'd expect from my demographic.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No! I'm happy to say this is the same as the last survey I completed in 2006. Unfortunately the lapse in 5 years of responses may be directly related to the 2007/2008 exoduses of those close to me. Devin, Grandpa Carnes and Grandpa Jones: I will miss you more that any words give justice. Thank you for giving me life.
5. What countries did you visit?
United States, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, and Canada.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
""a fulfilling romantical relationship, a job that gives me health-care, money to travel more than I did in 2005 (daunting, i know)." ---that was last year, which I am proud to say I have fully fulfilled. This year? Closure on a particular relationship or the active perusal of said relationship, an assurance of life plans, a room where I can keep my books and music and not feel like everyone expects me to leave soon." ----those were the past two years, and I took myself very seriously for them! I suppose I have closure on said relationship, have given up on having life plans, but am happy to say have a room with books and music I don't feel the need to/am required to flee from. This year I'd like to find closure on 2 different relationships (ugh), travel still more (doubtful, but still desirable), an income that allows for savings (most assuredly looking up!), stable companionship with someone I genuinely care for who lives in the same city as me.
2010 to 2011?
For the sake of consistency, I will leave the prior responses to this question. They are appropriately reflective and prophetic. While I don't necessarily relate to the specific goals mentioned, they do indicate seeds of my current pursuits. I've learned closure can mean accepting openness. Not to sound hokey, but I believe that anyone you have truly loved, you will always love. This means accepting that they are who they are and that doesn't have to translate into your ideal of them. It means accepting whatever relationship you can value-or in the worst case, muster-from them. It's bliss when viewed in the proper light. I still desire stable companionship with someone who can help me navigate this insane world. Hopefully someone with a sense of the absurdity and humor. Honestly, upon reading this question, I really desire the ability to appreciate what I already have. I spent a great deal of time in 2010 analyzing what I chose to do and why. Many of the opportunities were soured by next steps. I guess the question can adequately be summed up in one word: perspective.
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The dates mentioned in past surveys seem like faint memories. This survey is a foolish habit to ignore. For this year: February 27thish (the day I definitively quit my job, the top of a trampoline hard to descend from, the meaningful conversation with Parks about life as a bell curve), April 7th (arrival in Vietnam), May 10thish (tubing in Vien Viang aka nature defeats drunkenness), June 11-13 (2nd Hillstock, sexual confidence, collaborative possibilities), August 11 (meteors for days), October 10 (vacation from Return, Bomb plays Weezer), November 27 (Meth Dad, Colby D'Heart show=acceptance and bliss in Tennessee), and December 20 (Mother announcing engagement. It's bliss).
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Despite the prior years verbally fluid and, at times, eloquent response, I'd rather shed them all. This year I have worked toward effectively embracing the void. Seeing lack of definitives (specifically in career and relationship realms) as opportunities rather than failures. I shed my job, which consistently made me unhappy and regretful of my use of time and energy. I diminished my cynicism to a healthy dose rather than an all-consuming grump. Most of all, I embraced my chance to say "YES!" to opportunity (and followed through on that "YES!").
9. What was your biggest failure?
As always, linked to achievement, eh? I fool-hardily said yes without proper contemplation of the terms and necessary respect involved (this refers to band matters, nothing porny, gross-wad). Inability to distance myself from/resolve irreparable expectations from past lovers. Body snarking and general self-consciousness.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
"janelle the gazelle, that's what they call me. And gazelles dont get injured.... they get mauled"
While this prior response is hilarious, it's not informative. 2010 found me with a broken toe (complete with a navy seal carrying me out of a bar), general tour bruises (from poor iron intake, excessive load-bearing jobs and general rough-housing), and the usual bloody fingers and sore backs.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A talking animal clock for an undetermined owner! A fleece kitten blanket featuring approximately 8 kittens in a basket! A plane ticket to the other side of the world! A new external hard drive? Nah! Maybe the fish tank that was a craigslist pricing unexpected return boom!
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, booze, brunch, and moving.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
$ound$ (hopefully not a fool-hardy, misguided exportation of energy), In Between (same as before), Asian exploration, quitting my job, tour, and the possibility of love without the restrictions of schedules. Oh! And the remote possibility of finding work that is interesting, productive, and available. Remote, but still.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
What's my Name. That Justice song that goes "I see you standing over there/Why don't you come on over here"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder - Happier
Older or wiser - Both
Thinner or fatter? - Thinner (Goodbye desk job, hello months without cheese and a budget!)
Richer or poorer? - Poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
General exercise, spending time with my cat, reading, correspondence, and actually doing things I profess to be doing (i.e.: reversing the "it's my idea, not my project" syndrome).
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Focusing on what might have been and missing what once was and analyzing what I don't like in others as a means to identify what I don't like in myself.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent in Kansas, per usual, surrounded my mother's fiancé’s family, per very unusual. The historic family played "Redneck Life" (I amassed a whopping 11 children named Darryl), whilst my mother drank wine and the rest of the household cooed over a baby and were generally merry. The friend side consisted of excessive shots with jew-teronomy, tearing up wallpaper, and a lack of appropriate car music. The holiday traditions were notably altered in that I will most likely be based out of my sister's house going forward and the "nuclear family" as such as exponentially grown.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Not with a person, but I'd like to think I chiseled a more appropriate idea of the concept at large.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
I watched Mad Men, 30 Rock, The Office, Modern Family, and Skins. None of them were particular favorites but Mad Men has the alternatives beat for drama and Modern Family for comedy. Skins is just a realistic depression of teens. I guess that counts it as my most favorite.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Apparently I hated someone enough in 2007 to merit a survey mention. I don't recall this person, so I will rely on the plank I stated in the "less of" question: I'd like to foster less of characteristics I don't wish to foster in myself. It's harder when these same characteristics are valued in others. That being said, I hate undeliberate speakers, uncomposed imbibers and those who value relationships/circumstances on extrinsic qualities.
26. What was the best book you read?
2010 found me woefully under-read-fed. However, I enjoyed In Cold Blood, Kafka on the Shore, the Unbearable Lightness of Being, Women, and the parts of Gravity's Rainbow I attempted to devour.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rafter, Ssssnake, and the Dovekins as musicians and to play with. Harry Nielsen and Graham Parsons to obsessively listen to.
28. What did you want and get?
No more job on Wall Street, the opportunity to go on tour, travel around Asia, several meaningful heart-to-hearts with Mr. Billig, a docile house I can imagine living in long-term, and a great deal of freedom.
29. What did you want and not get?
Reciprocal love and a crystal clear path of employment.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wise Blood (under heavy influence of Koch) and the long string of Trash Mountain VHS tapes.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 27 and went to work at the Brew Shop, stopped by Jon and Eric's, met Mark on the side of the road for a ride to Williamsburg, met up with Laura Stevenson and the Cans in the Knitting Factory Bar, watched a short amount of Franz Nicoli's horrible set, drank with Peter in the bar, watched a magnificent set from Laura et al, where Liam and I came up with an idea to mock Terrance on twitter, smiled uncontrollably, returned to the bar, had drinks with amazing people and returned to Jon and Eric's full of glee. Then I probably watched some sad documentary.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Knowing I was doing the right thing to do.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Business casual turned to comfortable chic.
34. What kept you sane?
Busy-ness (not to be mistaken with business), my mother, my brief time with a therapist, my sister, noah, peter, lindsay, and gertrudis.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I honestly don't care.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Making corporations into private citizens. Thanks, Supreme Court!
37. Who did you miss?
my sister, conor, gary, devin - all the same as before only this time with more layers!
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Tyler, Ricki Dawn, Taylor, Colby, Joe Vo, Russell, Amber, Patrick. It's hard to remember the NY-ers that should be included.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Expect nothing; Embrace everything.
40. Quote a song the sums up 2010?
"Cuz we'd all be sad and fucking sad and shit"