its all titles and cuts
hmmmm. so here we are again. I have some spare time to update my LJ and some things that are bubbling around in my head.
So last weekend, I was driving to my dad's, when I came upto a very huge junction. I saw smoke coming across the three lane carriage and thought "WT?" I slowed down and realised that a van on the inside line was on fire! There were some staff from the Mcdonalds on the road, trying to put the fire out with small fire extingushers. Sadly it wasnt helping.
I am actually impressed at how calmly I pulled over, wacked my hazard lights on and calmly rang the emergency services. I told the operator what was happening and that the smoke pouring over the carriage way was gettin denser causing all sorts of trouble. I then got out and went over to see if I could help.
The driver - Antonio from Italy ::rolls her eyes:: - was very shook up by the incident and kept trying to go back to the van but it was very dangerous. Lucky his van runs on diesel so less likely to blow up but I still worked hard to move people back. Seriously so many people were just standing around and... wait for this.... FILMING THE WHOLE THING ON THEIR MOBILES!!!! I couldn't believe it. Especially as it was me who called the emergency services. None of these people thought to use their phones for something far more constructive!!
I have to say the emergency services arrived very quickly. The firemen had to break into the van. Seriously there was massive smashing of glass and frantic attempt to get into the bonnet to spray the fire. They did eventually get in and all that was left was the shell of a van, no windows and just blackend. The police cleared the motorway and took details, after which I was allowed to leave. Quit the excitement
ohh look dates, is there a thawing in the artic? I went on a date last week with Tini. The American I met at Mix&Mingle. Unfortunatley I was 45 minutes late!! ::still angry about that!:: firstly because I was blocked in by some idiot. I spent time running around the building trying to figure out who it was. It was a client who was allowed to park in the car park, even though there were no spaces left. I worry that TLC has an incredibly happhazzard way of doing it's business. Which is irritating beyond belief.
Then I had very bad trouble with heavy traffic and trying to find a parking space. So not happy about that. Tini went over to The Stockpot to wait for me and was very gracious about it. I was so mad at myself and everything. I hate being late, it makes such a bad impression.
Still we chatted well and I found her really interesting. She's incredibly bright and very organised. We share a lot of similar ideas about life and have similar high standards. She talked a lot about her nephew, whom she adores. (very good sign) She is someone that loves her own space and doesn't appear to be really into u-hauling, which - before you all die from shock - I completley agree with. I'm getting used to living on my own and I'm not sure how up I am from distrubting the rythem I have settled into.
Unfortunatley she is very busy woman and I would need to get used to seeing her once a month per say, rather then every minute possible. Anyway we parted on good terms and she said that she does want to see me again and hang out with me. I have no idea if that means she wants to try a relationship with me, which stresses me, as I hate not knowing where I stand with people.
I sent her a text after the meal but haven't heard back from her. Stress!! I do know that she is extremely busy with two weddings over this fortnight and it is more then likely that she is just too busy to reply. Even if she decides not to respond, I haven't lost anything right? ::sigh::
Still on this topic, I am seeing Elsa (Chinese girl) again this week, so you never know?
Because the past *still* affects the present... so a few things from the past have been playing on my mind.
Firstly - I found Celia on Facebook... ::sigh:: Despite trying not to, I couldn't *not* send her a message. I stayed as polite as I could be and that if she didn't want to be friends on FB, then I would understand. I've not heard anything from her, so I guess that's answered that. It hurts like hell and despite the logical part of my brain saying things like "hey.. you can't force people to be your friend or to answer those unanswered questions you have" The emotional part of my brain just feels hurt.
In brighter news... I got in touch with Luz again and she was really happy to hear from me. She told me a little about her life and things seems good and stable for her. Hooray! We might become friends on FB but to do so, she had to add me, as I can't add her! How odd? I hope we can build a friendship as I miss her a lot.
Thirdly. My dad found an old diary I wrote when I was 16 and turned 17. It covered the period when I first fell in love with a woman. In a teenage crush way. (not the deep love I have/had for Celia) Anway this was with Jess Roufiniac (I can still remember her full name!) She was a teacher and a close friend of my mums. We became good friends and initially she was a mentor to me, as I was figuring out my sexuality at the time.
The thing is I had remembered our "relationship" to be somewhat one sided. As in I fancied her like crazy and whilst she "cared for me" it wasn't love from her. I remember kissing her once and she didn't kiss me back. I remember that she would spend time in my room and we were often left alone together. I remember we used to hang out whenever we could. I even remember one night, mum had gone out and Jess and I stayed in my room. I remeber I was sitting on my bed against the wall and Jess was lying across my lap... God I still remember the hormones raging over my body and the tempreture rising. I swear if a phone call hadn't interrupted (and thus killed the mood) I get the impression we would have had sex. I remember that our "relationship" was just fraught with difficulaties, not least the fact that a) she was my mum's friend b) She was a heck of a lot older then me - I think she was in her mid thirties at the time and c) She was in a relationship with a guy. Also a friend of the family's. We would go from intensly being with each other... to fights where I would swear I would never let her back in to my life.. to being pulled back together... to trying to be mature and end it but neither of us having the strenght to stay away from the other for long.
I distinctly remember once calling her from a pay phone (hey kids this was pre-mobile phone times!) and breaking up with her.. She cried so hard and didn't want to do it but we both agreed we had to stay away from each other. We were hurting too many people by staying together... then caving in about a fortnight late (which felt like *forever* to a 16 year old kid) and calling her back. We cried and agreed to meet again and the whole sorry roundabout saga began again.
I think we only finally broke up when my relationship with my boyfriend at the time got more intense and I moved out of my mothers and in with my father. Anyway I stated at the top of this, that I thought the whole relationship had been in most ways one sided. Reading my diary of that time period. SO NOT THE CASE... There are *multiple* entries where I state that Jess kissed me and that we made out. It really shoke me up to read that. I mean here was someone that was older then me, that should have been mature about it all and stayed away from me, and yet *she* would come search *me* out. She would instigate things. Like for example. in my diary I speak of a time when we supposedly were supposes to be staying away from each other and I went to her office (ooppps, should have stated she worked across the road from my house and I had lots of reasons to go there for the Chilean Community, as lots of their events were held in the ground of this office) I wrote that I tried to stay away but that she caught up with me and told me to follow her downstairs to the printer room. I was hesitant to do so but went with her and we ended up making out in the printer room!!!! I mean for the love of JESUS... I was 16 years old... what the hell was she playing at???!!!!
I dunno the diary has done nothing more then spin me out and made me re-evalute a very important part of my life. A defining moment in my sexuality. Its given me the opportunity to stop giving myself a hard time over it and see that actually I had *every* reason to believe I was in a relationship with her. It wasn't just in my head or one sided. It actually HAPPENED. Thus this places Jess in my sexual life as a huge prelude to where my life would eventually go. She was the first real "love"/"lover" of my life. Second only to Rachel who I slept with when I was 15. (and boy is that *another* story for *another* time!!) Looking back on my life I realise I have had many loves that have really *marked* me as an individual. I wish I was still in touch with Jess, just so we could talk this stuff out. I wonder where she is right now and what she's doing and who she is with. I swear sometimes my life is so fucked up it's just beggers belief!!!
I've been watching old Hospital Central stuff and it's made me sad/nostalgic for Spain. ::sigh:: Sometimes I worry that life is just *too* damn hard and I'm not sure I can hack it. I wish I had more people I could just "hang out" with you know?? Ugh too bloody complex! Still life chuggs on. Today has been productive, went swimming, bought important household goods and food, came home, ate and updated this LJ. Now I need to clean my living room up and iron some shirts for the coming week! Oh the joy! /end sarcasm/
So last weekend, I was driving to my dad's, when I came upto a very huge junction. I saw smoke coming across the three lane carriage and thought "WT?" I slowed down and realised that a van on the inside line was on fire! There were some staff from the Mcdonalds on the road, trying to put the fire out with small fire extingushers. Sadly it wasnt helping.
I am actually impressed at how calmly I pulled over, wacked my hazard lights on and calmly rang the emergency services. I told the operator what was happening and that the smoke pouring over the carriage way was gettin denser causing all sorts of trouble. I then got out and went over to see if I could help.
The driver - Antonio from Italy ::rolls her eyes:: - was very shook up by the incident and kept trying to go back to the van but it was very dangerous. Lucky his van runs on diesel so less likely to blow up but I still worked hard to move people back. Seriously so many people were just standing around and... wait for this.... FILMING THE WHOLE THING ON THEIR MOBILES!!!! I couldn't believe it. Especially as it was me who called the emergency services. None of these people thought to use their phones for something far more constructive!!
I have to say the emergency services arrived very quickly. The firemen had to break into the van. Seriously there was massive smashing of glass and frantic attempt to get into the bonnet to spray the fire. They did eventually get in and all that was left was the shell of a van, no windows and just blackend. The police cleared the motorway and took details, after which I was allowed to leave. Quit the excitement
ohh look dates, is there a thawing in the artic? I went on a date last week with Tini. The American I met at Mix&Mingle. Unfortunatley I was 45 minutes late!! ::still angry about that!:: firstly because I was blocked in by some idiot. I spent time running around the building trying to figure out who it was. It was a client who was allowed to park in the car park, even though there were no spaces left. I worry that TLC has an incredibly happhazzard way of doing it's business. Which is irritating beyond belief.
Then I had very bad trouble with heavy traffic and trying to find a parking space. So not happy about that. Tini went over to The Stockpot to wait for me and was very gracious about it. I was so mad at myself and everything. I hate being late, it makes such a bad impression.
Still we chatted well and I found her really interesting. She's incredibly bright and very organised. We share a lot of similar ideas about life and have similar high standards. She talked a lot about her nephew, whom she adores. (very good sign) She is someone that loves her own space and doesn't appear to be really into u-hauling, which - before you all die from shock - I completley agree with. I'm getting used to living on my own and I'm not sure how up I am from distrubting the rythem I have settled into.
Unfortunatley she is very busy woman and I would need to get used to seeing her once a month per say, rather then every minute possible. Anyway we parted on good terms and she said that she does want to see me again and hang out with me. I have no idea if that means she wants to try a relationship with me, which stresses me, as I hate not knowing where I stand with people.
I sent her a text after the meal but haven't heard back from her. Stress!! I do know that she is extremely busy with two weddings over this fortnight and it is more then likely that she is just too busy to reply. Even if she decides not to respond, I haven't lost anything right? ::sigh::
Still on this topic, I am seeing Elsa (Chinese girl) again this week, so you never know?
Because the past *still* affects the present... so a few things from the past have been playing on my mind.
Firstly - I found Celia on Facebook... ::sigh:: Despite trying not to, I couldn't *not* send her a message. I stayed as polite as I could be and that if she didn't want to be friends on FB, then I would understand. I've not heard anything from her, so I guess that's answered that. It hurts like hell and despite the logical part of my brain saying things like "hey.. you can't force people to be your friend or to answer those unanswered questions you have" The emotional part of my brain just feels hurt.
In brighter news... I got in touch with Luz again and she was really happy to hear from me. She told me a little about her life and things seems good and stable for her. Hooray! We might become friends on FB but to do so, she had to add me, as I can't add her! How odd? I hope we can build a friendship as I miss her a lot.
Thirdly. My dad found an old diary I wrote when I was 16 and turned 17. It covered the period when I first fell in love with a woman. In a teenage crush way. (not the deep love I have/had for Celia) Anway this was with Jess Roufiniac (I can still remember her full name!) She was a teacher and a close friend of my mums. We became good friends and initially she was a mentor to me, as I was figuring out my sexuality at the time.
The thing is I had remembered our "relationship" to be somewhat one sided. As in I fancied her like crazy and whilst she "cared for me" it wasn't love from her. I remember kissing her once and she didn't kiss me back. I remember that she would spend time in my room and we were often left alone together. I remember we used to hang out whenever we could. I even remember one night, mum had gone out and Jess and I stayed in my room. I remeber I was sitting on my bed against the wall and Jess was lying across my lap... God I still remember the hormones raging over my body and the tempreture rising. I swear if a phone call hadn't interrupted (and thus killed the mood) I get the impression we would have had sex. I remember that our "relationship" was just fraught with difficulaties, not least the fact that a) she was my mum's friend b) She was a heck of a lot older then me - I think she was in her mid thirties at the time and c) She was in a relationship with a guy. Also a friend of the family's. We would go from intensly being with each other... to fights where I would swear I would never let her back in to my life.. to being pulled back together... to trying to be mature and end it but neither of us having the strenght to stay away from the other for long.
I distinctly remember once calling her from a pay phone (hey kids this was pre-mobile phone times!) and breaking up with her.. She cried so hard and didn't want to do it but we both agreed we had to stay away from each other. We were hurting too many people by staying together... then caving in about a fortnight late (which felt like *forever* to a 16 year old kid) and calling her back. We cried and agreed to meet again and the whole sorry roundabout saga began again.
I think we only finally broke up when my relationship with my boyfriend at the time got more intense and I moved out of my mothers and in with my father. Anyway I stated at the top of this, that I thought the whole relationship had been in most ways one sided. Reading my diary of that time period. SO NOT THE CASE... There are *multiple* entries where I state that Jess kissed me and that we made out. It really shoke me up to read that. I mean here was someone that was older then me, that should have been mature about it all and stayed away from me, and yet *she* would come search *me* out. She would instigate things. Like for example. in my diary I speak of a time when we supposedly were supposes to be staying away from each other and I went to her office (ooppps, should have stated she worked across the road from my house and I had lots of reasons to go there for the Chilean Community, as lots of their events were held in the ground of this office) I wrote that I tried to stay away but that she caught up with me and told me to follow her downstairs to the printer room. I was hesitant to do so but went with her and we ended up making out in the printer room!!!! I mean for the love of JESUS... I was 16 years old... what the hell was she playing at???!!!!
I dunno the diary has done nothing more then spin me out and made me re-evalute a very important part of my life. A defining moment in my sexuality. Its given me the opportunity to stop giving myself a hard time over it and see that actually I had *every* reason to believe I was in a relationship with her. It wasn't just in my head or one sided. It actually HAPPENED. Thus this places Jess in my sexual life as a huge prelude to where my life would eventually go. She was the first real "love"/"lover" of my life. Second only to Rachel who I slept with when I was 15. (and boy is that *another* story for *another* time!!) Looking back on my life I realise I have had many loves that have really *marked* me as an individual. I wish I was still in touch with Jess, just so we could talk this stuff out. I wonder where she is right now and what she's doing and who she is with. I swear sometimes my life is so fucked up it's just beggers belief!!!
I've been watching old Hospital Central stuff and it's made me sad/nostalgic for Spain. ::sigh:: Sometimes I worry that life is just *too* damn hard and I'm not sure I can hack it. I wish I had more people I could just "hang out" with you know?? Ugh too bloody complex! Still life chuggs on. Today has been productive, went swimming, bought important household goods and food, came home, ate and updated this LJ. Now I need to clean my living room up and iron some shirts for the coming week! Oh the joy! /end sarcasm/