The Game
Yesterday morning, I decided to start a game. For a week, I will not initiate any conversation with you. I will not say hello, I will not make eye contact, I will not say goodbye.
The first day was a success. It was much easier I guess, since you were too busy with your laptop, while I'm busy with work. I felt that going home early is very uncharacteristic of me, more so going home without waiting for you, without saying goodbye, without the usual small chats and coy laughs. Aside from the awkward-salubong-scene where I deliberately faced down as I moved out to avoid you, everything felt fine... and normal.
Until that sleepless night. When the thought of you became unbearable. When it felt like the day was incomplete because it was unusual for me, for us, to not talk even though most things we talk about are just mundane stuff. How the day felt unfinished because it wasn't ended by a sight of your eyes, and me saying, "Ingat ka". I know you know what ingat meant.
But the unbearability of that night meant the start of the feeling of withdrawal. Like when I tried to quit smoking years ago. It's difficult, but as every determined person who wants to move on would do - bear it. I thought the game was a good idea because hey, I want to move away, I want to stop feeling this way about you. But then at the end of it all, you're a habit that I have to quit. They say that it takes 21 days to quit a habit. I have to quit you. Because like the addicting cigarettes I've been consuming for the past eight years, the way I see you becomes a poison to my thoughts, the toxic to my heart.
The sooner I quit, the better I could live. So this is me saying, let the games continue.
The first day was a success. It was much easier I guess, since you were too busy with your laptop, while I'm busy with work. I felt that going home early is very uncharacteristic of me, more so going home without waiting for you, without saying goodbye, without the usual small chats and coy laughs. Aside from the awkward-salubong-scene where I deliberately faced down as I moved out to avoid you, everything felt fine... and normal.
Until that sleepless night. When the thought of you became unbearable. When it felt like the day was incomplete because it was unusual for me, for us, to not talk even though most things we talk about are just mundane stuff. How the day felt unfinished because it wasn't ended by a sight of your eyes, and me saying, "Ingat ka". I know you know what ingat meant.
But the unbearability of that night meant the start of the feeling of withdrawal. Like when I tried to quit smoking years ago. It's difficult, but as every determined person who wants to move on would do - bear it. I thought the game was a good idea because hey, I want to move away, I want to stop feeling this way about you. But then at the end of it all, you're a habit that I have to quit. They say that it takes 21 days to quit a habit. I have to quit you. Because like the addicting cigarettes I've been consuming for the past eight years, the way I see you becomes a poison to my thoughts, the toxic to my heart.
The sooner I quit, the better I could live. So this is me saying, let the games continue.