This post is about you, me, and the questions in my head
Sa mga nakaraang mga buwan, medyo urong-sulong ako with regards to how I really feel about you. Minsan, okay ka. Minsan, hindi. Minsan, ayaw kita makita. Pero most of these thoughts, nanggagaling lang naman sa fact na hindi kita maintindihan most of the time.
Nag-self-discovery workshop ako yesterday and doon ko narealize na baka I'm bound to misunderstand you for a longer period of time. As much as we are alike in many different things, we are different in how we express ourselves. I might be soft spoken pero sa klase ng trabaho na meron ako, I've learned to open up more. And sometimes, nakikita ko na ang pagiging open, indication yan ng willingness to share a piece of yourself to others. Pero sa kaso mo, mukhang hindi yun necessarily ang totoo.
Our conversation last night proved me a point: iba ka nga. And that's why I'm unconsciously disappointed most of the time, kasi may mga expectations ako tungkol sa iyo dahil feeling ko parehas tayo. Pero hindi talaga. You'll opt to keep it to yourself, lahat ng sakit mo sa puso. And not sharing to anyone doesn't mean you dont connect to them, it's just that you don't want to burden others of your pain. Kahit na nagmumukha kang cold, kahit nagmumukha kang walang emosyon. Pero inamin mo sa akin kagabi na nasasaktan ka - isang bagay na lahat ng tao natatanong sa iyo at shina-shrug off mo lang naman ng madalian. Malaking bagay iyon. And that makes you a little bit more relatable than the 'usual' you. And I realized, importante sa iyo na tinatanong ka sa kung anong nararamdaman mo kasi hindi mo sasabihin siya ng kusa, na you appreciate your peers if they ask you about how you feel.
It's just a shame na hindi ko madalas yun magagawa sa iyo given the circumstances. Pero like last night, mangyayari at mangyayari din naman na makakapag-usap tayo. Pero pag hindi yun nangyayari, magtatanong pa rin ako lagi ng "Ano kaya ang nasa isip mo?"
Pero narealize ko din, sa panahon ngayon, hindi rin ako nagiging komportable pag nag-uusap tayo ng ganun. Kasi hindi ako okay. I can't genuinely ask you about how you feel without the expectation that you'll ask the same to me. I guess after that workshop, narealize ko na nasa point ako ng buhay ko ngayon na naghahanap ako ng mga tao who genuinely care about how I feel, people who'd ask me what's going through my mind. And maybe, baka yun din ang mga standing questions ko about you. Do you care? I appreciate the fact that you listened to me last night, but it's uncomfortable na kailangan kong sabihin sa iyo kahit hindi mo naman tinatanong. I just hope you appreciate the fact that I genuinely wanted to share my thoughts to you. That's the only thing I can give you at this point in my life.
Nag-self-discovery workshop ako yesterday and doon ko narealize na baka I'm bound to misunderstand you for a longer period of time. As much as we are alike in many different things, we are different in how we express ourselves. I might be soft spoken pero sa klase ng trabaho na meron ako, I've learned to open up more. And sometimes, nakikita ko na ang pagiging open, indication yan ng willingness to share a piece of yourself to others. Pero sa kaso mo, mukhang hindi yun necessarily ang totoo.
Our conversation last night proved me a point: iba ka nga. And that's why I'm unconsciously disappointed most of the time, kasi may mga expectations ako tungkol sa iyo dahil feeling ko parehas tayo. Pero hindi talaga. You'll opt to keep it to yourself, lahat ng sakit mo sa puso. And not sharing to anyone doesn't mean you dont connect to them, it's just that you don't want to burden others of your pain. Kahit na nagmumukha kang cold, kahit nagmumukha kang walang emosyon. Pero inamin mo sa akin kagabi na nasasaktan ka - isang bagay na lahat ng tao natatanong sa iyo at shina-shrug off mo lang naman ng madalian. Malaking bagay iyon. And that makes you a little bit more relatable than the 'usual' you. And I realized, importante sa iyo na tinatanong ka sa kung anong nararamdaman mo kasi hindi mo sasabihin siya ng kusa, na you appreciate your peers if they ask you about how you feel.
It's just a shame na hindi ko madalas yun magagawa sa iyo given the circumstances. Pero like last night, mangyayari at mangyayari din naman na makakapag-usap tayo. Pero pag hindi yun nangyayari, magtatanong pa rin ako lagi ng "Ano kaya ang nasa isip mo?"
Pero narealize ko din, sa panahon ngayon, hindi rin ako nagiging komportable pag nag-uusap tayo ng ganun. Kasi hindi ako okay. I can't genuinely ask you about how you feel without the expectation that you'll ask the same to me. I guess after that workshop, narealize ko na nasa point ako ng buhay ko ngayon na naghahanap ako ng mga tao who genuinely care about how I feel, people who'd ask me what's going through my mind. And maybe, baka yun din ang mga standing questions ko about you. Do you care? I appreciate the fact that you listened to me last night, but it's uncomfortable na kailangan kong sabihin sa iyo kahit hindi mo naman tinatanong. I just hope you appreciate the fact that I genuinely wanted to share my thoughts to you. That's the only thing I can give you at this point in my life.