The moment
I just had this wave of nostalgia for high school and my late teens. Also, I'm a bit tipsy, so bear wit me, m'kay? Music brought it on. Music and wine. Funnily enough, it was the music I would listen to when I was working out my then super-skinny body lol!
What's funny is that even though it's been over 20 years, it still feels like it was yesterday (I know, REAL original thought there right?). But just the same, it was a time when I was still naïve about life and the world and my entire life stretched before me with nothing but hope. I remember feeling so very alone then, but I was so bloody driven that it was only a minor hindrance because all my efforts would one day pay off. Right?
Well yes and no. That drive has helped me through tough times and its made me strong. But it's also cut me off from normal life. What kid spends his days thinking of a career? I did. That's almost all I did. Oh ya, I almost forgot, I also spent a lot of time training to fight and survive, but that was more a result of environment than anything else. I just really liked the head space I was in back then. It was single-minded and crazy but I felt great in it. I still feel that way from time to time, but reality has caught up with me I'm afraid, and so most of the time, I'm just putting out fires. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I've lived every part of my life fully and have no real regrets. I did what I did when I did it because it was the best way I knew how at the time, and I had a blast doing it. But that drive man... that was the real ME, you know? The me that felt like... well, me. It's not that I've necessarily lost the drive, but life and experience has "tempered" it a bit. I now listen to the same rantings of kids and all I can see is the flaws and the mistakes that will hit them at the next turn, but I don't say anything about it. I don't say anything because I don't want to take away their hope. I don't want to deprive them of the moment, because ultimately that's all we really have. That moment. Whether it's real or imagined, how we feel in that moment is our reality and that's what we remember in later years. Besides, would they listen to me if I did say something? Of course not. They are the first ones in History to feel invincible and capable of climbing mountains and changing the world... And so it should be. Chances are they won't, but they need to figure it out on their own.
But I also miss my friend from back in the day. My best buddy from high school. It's funny, he, like most of my long-term friends, didn't like me at first. I guess I'm an "acquired taste"... In fact he was downright hostile to me at the beginning. But in time, we did become good friends and it was rare that a day went by where we didn't hang out together. We both liked the same things and even though we had somewhat different views on life, we were buds. Then one day things changed and in a very short time, he left and became a stranger. Years later, we tried to mend the gap but too much time (or not enough) had gone by and life had taken over. There was no mending that. That's ok. Life happens to us all and we change and go our own way. My only regret is that he ended up not following his dream and the woman who shares his life allowed that to happen. It's one thing for two people to go their own way, but for someone to let her partner forget about his dream for their own benefit, is tantamount to sin; she deprived the world of a great artist and in the process turned him into his father (I know this sounds like a Star Wars kinda story but its all true!)
Aaanyway, I guess what I'm saying is don't under-estimate the importance of the moment; in the end, it really is all we have.
What's funny is that even though it's been over 20 years, it still feels like it was yesterday (I know, REAL original thought there right?). But just the same, it was a time when I was still naïve about life and the world and my entire life stretched before me with nothing but hope. I remember feeling so very alone then, but I was so bloody driven that it was only a minor hindrance because all my efforts would one day pay off. Right?
Well yes and no. That drive has helped me through tough times and its made me strong. But it's also cut me off from normal life. What kid spends his days thinking of a career? I did. That's almost all I did. Oh ya, I almost forgot, I also spent a lot of time training to fight and survive, but that was more a result of environment than anything else. I just really liked the head space I was in back then. It was single-minded and crazy but I felt great in it. I still feel that way from time to time, but reality has caught up with me I'm afraid, and so most of the time, I'm just putting out fires. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I've lived every part of my life fully and have no real regrets. I did what I did when I did it because it was the best way I knew how at the time, and I had a blast doing it. But that drive man... that was the real ME, you know? The me that felt like... well, me. It's not that I've necessarily lost the drive, but life and experience has "tempered" it a bit. I now listen to the same rantings of kids and all I can see is the flaws and the mistakes that will hit them at the next turn, but I don't say anything about it. I don't say anything because I don't want to take away their hope. I don't want to deprive them of the moment, because ultimately that's all we really have. That moment. Whether it's real or imagined, how we feel in that moment is our reality and that's what we remember in later years. Besides, would they listen to me if I did say something? Of course not. They are the first ones in History to feel invincible and capable of climbing mountains and changing the world... And so it should be. Chances are they won't, but they need to figure it out on their own.
But I also miss my friend from back in the day. My best buddy from high school. It's funny, he, like most of my long-term friends, didn't like me at first. I guess I'm an "acquired taste"... In fact he was downright hostile to me at the beginning. But in time, we did become good friends and it was rare that a day went by where we didn't hang out together. We both liked the same things and even though we had somewhat different views on life, we were buds. Then one day things changed and in a very short time, he left and became a stranger. Years later, we tried to mend the gap but too much time (or not enough) had gone by and life had taken over. There was no mending that. That's ok. Life happens to us all and we change and go our own way. My only regret is that he ended up not following his dream and the woman who shares his life allowed that to happen. It's one thing for two people to go their own way, but for someone to let her partner forget about his dream for their own benefit, is tantamount to sin; she deprived the world of a great artist and in the process turned him into his father (I know this sounds like a Star Wars kinda story but its all true!)
Aaanyway, I guess what I'm saying is don't under-estimate the importance of the moment; in the end, it really is all we have.